I've got a problem with my housemate. He's a great guy, and he's been very supportive of my weight-loss efforts (he's very liberal with compliments on my appearance, willpower and stamina), but he's got this habit that's starting to drive me nuts. I was wondering if anyone here was experiencing the same thing.
He seems to think that, every time I so much as look at a piece of food that's not in my diet allowance, I'm going to go nuts. He also assumes that making subtle comments about my food choices will help me lose weight. I'm on a strict diet: two SlimFast shakes a day and salad with tuna or tofu for supper. But once a week I allow myself a "treat supper", during which I'll get comments like:
"Are you sure you really want to eat that?"
"Do you know how many calories per mouthful that contains?"
"Won't that set you back a few days?"
"Won't that go straight to your hips?"
"I wouldn't eat that if I were you..."
"Wouldn't you rather have one of your nice salads?"
"Wouldn't you rather steam some vegetables instead?"
The worst is when we go out to eat. He'll order a thick Porterhouse steak, french fries, braised vegetables and a rich dessert (and devour the lot in front of me), but if I order anything more than poached fish and a side salad I'll get a barrage of disparaging remarks.
I've tried telling him nicely that I'm perfectly capable of controlling my own diet, that my heavy workout regime will probably burn off any extra calories, and that I need my once-weekly break to stay on the damn diet. It doesn't work, and he's starting to really nark me off. Has anyone else had a nagging friend, or does anyone know what I can do to shut this guy up?
Ive looked at this twice and decided to come back to it until I could think of something more encouraging to say but man, you handled it better than I would have! Its hard to think of a way to respond without saying to tell him to mind his own business and get his cholesterol checked if he eats like that all the time. Its hard for some to realize that comments just get hurtful other than helpful sometimes. Worse comes to worse, print out this post and comments and give it to him. Maybe he'll see others reactions and try to find a way to be a little more encouraging and not hurtful. Sorry I cant think of anything more helpful. Dont let him get you down though!!
Location: on a beautiful island Pacific north west
Posts: 128
What the heck is a housemate? is this a boy friend someone you have sex with or just a roommate friend type of deel?
but never mind about that, he may think he is helping you and somewhere along the line you let him believe you needed help.
if this is really a problem for you, change the conditions of the relationship and simply tell him its unacceptable and you won't put up with it anymore. I mean, are you your own person or what? but think twice before you tell him off, look at the whole picture. You are posting in this forum telling me that you are over weight and you need support. if this is true, why are you taking offence to a "friend" who is trying to help you? do you really want your friends to lie to your face and not try to hep you? figure out what you want and act.
getting your feelings hurt doesn't do any good. no body wants to be told what they already know about themselves, but facing the truth hurts sometimes.
I am sure I am the old lady in this group of posters, been around the weight loss block a bazillion times and am also starting to do some training for life coaching and here is my advice.
SIMPLY PUT: HE ISN'T TAKING THE HINT NICELY SO SET HIM STRAIGHT PRONTO! TELL HIM IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS IT IS YOUR BODY, YOUR CHOICES AND THOUGH YOU APPRECIATE IT, HE MUST MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS AND NOT INTERFERE IN HOW YOU RUN YOUR LIFE. TELL HIM THOUGH YOU KNOW HE WANTS TO HELP. YOU MUST BE THE ONE TO OVERCOME ANY EATING PROBLEMS YOU HAVE AND YOU HAVE TO WORK OUT EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS ETC AND HE CAN'T HELP YOU WITH THAT. IF HE ENABLES YOU ALL THE TIME BY CONSTANTLY STANDING OVER YOUR SHOULDER, YOU WILL NOT LEARN HOW TO CONTROL EATING AND THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES INVOLVED AND THAT IT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER LOSE WEIGHT AND KEEP IT OFF. TELL HIM THAT IT IS THE LAST TIME YOU WILL DISCUSS IT WITH HIM. BE SURE AND THANK HIM FOR CARING THOUGH!
faye's right. and there's one more point. a great mystery of life, in my opinion. why do men thiink they have to FIX something??? even things that aren't broken??? it does indeed sound as if he cares, but it's coming off more manipulative and controlling than it has to be.
hmmmm. on second thought. maybe faye is being too kind???? just slap him upside the head and be done with it!!!!!
Feyd,
I feel your pain! Ugh! But, it sounds like he cares and Men....well sorry to say but they think that those sort warnings are great help! We women are like. Are you kidding me? Now I need to justify myself to you?
I would say, "You know what? If you could stop comments like that I would feel alot better about this program..I know that you are trying to help, but it isn't." And then leave at that. If he doesn't get the point. Throw the food that you were going to eat AT him!! lol lol! I Am kidding!!!
Thanks, everyone, for some great advice. To answer Partytime's question: No, he's not my boyfriend, a "housemate" is someone you share a house with Down Under. Like a roommate, only there's a lot more room. He's also my boss - I work for his company - perhaps this doesn't help.
I finally verbally kicked his backside last Sunday when I fixed dinner for us and some of our crew (we run our business from the house) who'd been working here all day. I made grilled chickpea burgers, stir-fried veggies, and for the fat-loving eaters some cauliflower in cheese sauce and buttery garlic bread. It was my treat day, so as I was putting a spoonful of caullie-cheese on my plate he just had to say "Are you sure you wanna do that? You'll go right off your diet..." Something inside me snapped - I served everyone else and said "Fine, if you're so worried I'm going to gain another ounce, I'll just go to my room." I went to bed hungry that night, but not before having a few choice words with him about commenting on my diet in front of the other staff.
I think what men don't understand is the incredible guilt they can make a dieter feel when they make their little comments. I've been really good - even he admits I've got him eating healthier, since I do most of the food shopping for the house and won't buy the fatty snack foods he loves - and I look forward to a bit of carbs, or something in a cheese sauce, or even just a slice of darn toast once a week. Swearing at him doesn't work - I actually said "You're not my f***ing father" during my Sunday night diatribe. Unless some other good suggestions come up here, I suppose time will tell if he's taken the hint. Which I doubt...he is Australian, after all...
You sure you wanna eat that??
He's also my boss - I work for his company - perhaps this doesn't help.
