Thin and Syn's words have lured me out of hiding. The poem was just what I needed Syn, thanks for sharing!
Thin, as always your no-nonsense "snap out of it" helped to bring things back into focus...there are only 44 days til Thanksgiving and the beginning of the onslaught of the holidays!!!!! ...ulp...you're right, time to get back into high gear and prepare.
I had to drop my car off this morning for a tune up. The nice fella offered me a ride home, but I opted for a walk...it was about 2 miles, took me 40 minutes. That gave me a chance to break in my new sneakers ~and~ time to think about what I need to do. I just need to keep doing what's best for me. I feel better, mentally and physically when I am eating right and exercising regularly. But I've come to realize that I do go through a slump every so many weeks...I'll have 3 good weeks of all out, gung ho effort, hit the PMS wall, take a week or two to recuperate from that and start the process all over again. Whatever good I had done, has been undone so round and round and round I go.....wheeeeee!
Perhaps by recognizing the pattern, I can shift my responses and reactions enough to change the course a bit. Worth a shot...as Tina has said many times, I'd rather fall down 100 times and get back up than fall down and stay down! Or something like that.
Sandy, have fun camping! I love camping in the Fall...I hope the weather is cooperative...it's been foggy as all get out around here the last few days!
Syn, I couldn't agree more about "putting your best face forward!" A little make up and something other than the usual jeans and Tshirt go a LONG way to improve feelings of self worth!
Barb...Bon voyage! When you get back, we'll plan our outing...right Michelle, Natalie???? The 25th?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I just heard the answering machine pick up a call from the hospital...they were wondering if I like to pick up any extra time this weekend....like I said...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! perhaps when pigs fly.
My sister and I are heading down to Atlantic City on Sunday...girls only for an overnighter... Can't wait. Hope I hit the jackpot!
I'd better go...I'd like to make it look like I did something around here today, other than sleep. Hey I did walk! A little tidying, a load or two of laundry...he'll think I've been slaving away all day!
Have a great weekend my friends! Thanks for seeing me through another slump...nice to know that when I emerge from it, you guys are all still here, full of encouragement and love.
Nobody can bring you peace but yourself... Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't know where I am coming from these days food is terrible and dh and I fight about the smallest things.
I don't think i care any more.
This month is the first anniversary of my grandmothers death. Maybe thats it. I don't know. Maybe I am just tired of working too hard. I don't know.
Next week end is my trip to Little Rock for a genealogy conference. I am looking forward to getting away but I'm afraid dh and I will fight all weekend.
I know this post is all about me but I do love all of you and wish all of you the best.
I was off today. I slept for an extra hour then went into town to shop for our genealogy meeting tomorrow. October is Family History month so we are having a special program. I went out to lunch with a couple of friends from headquarters. We ate mexican.
Did I tell you I got a new hair cut last week it is cut short.
Well I've run my mouth long eenough. Don't know what we are having for dinner. I would love some fish but I don't know. I maay make the men eat leftovers.
Before you say, "Oh Lord.... Tina's gone bonkers" let me explain. I was really thinking about this last night and that's how I feel so much of the time.
When you look at a turtle, what do you really see? Do you ever wonder what's really inside there or do you just look at it's outward shell? I know that I personally have never really thought about it..... not until last night. All you really see about a turtle is the shell unless they are brave enough to pop their head out. Sometimes I feel like I have all these wants, desires and dreams but I am "trapped" inside this fat shell that won't let them get out.
Last night I went to a Travis Tritt concert, and don't get me wrong.....I had a really good time. NO ONE puts on a show like he does. Believe it or not, I do not even have the words to tell you how good it was. Me.... speechless? Yeah, it's true. Better write that one down in the record book.
But..... back to what I was saying. I kept looking around at all these women around me. Women in their cute clothes, with their cute bodies, laughing and dancing and doing what they felt was "natural" and not caring what a soul around them thought. Then, there's ME.....feeling clunky in her outfit.....wanting to be up dancing and singing along with everyone else, yet feeling so self-conscious and trapped by her "shell of fat" that the most I could muster up was a little bit of toe tapping. And all the while, being trapped in my "shell" there was this being......this being that longed to be those women..... the ones not uncomfortable with their bodies, the ones laughing and clapping and totally enjoying the experience.
I had to literally MAKE myself get up out of my seat and try to awkwardly move and sway to the music and horror of horrors..... actually leave my seat to move down to the front of the stage, feeling clunky and unatractive walking all the way down the isle.....but I did it.
What a view from the front! And no..... I'm not just talking about Travis. (although THAT view was mighty fine) I'm talking about the whole aspect of it. Right then and there.... standing underneath the lights and booming music amidst a crowd of strangers that all had one thing in common..... that's when I made up my mind. THAT second is when something broke inside of me and I'm not sure that I can go back and fix it and for once..... I don't want to.
Like a turtle..... losing this weight is slow. It cannot be done overnight. BUT.... from this day forward, I will NOT be held prisoner in this shell anymore. Will I still be self conscious about my weight? Yes, I will. But NOT forever. Will I still have to wear clothes that make me feel clunky instead of cute? Sure, but NOT forever. Will there still be times that I will try to blend in the background and not stand out? Yeah, maybe once or twice, but not every time.... because I'm just not satisfied with that anymore.
I WILL be the girl that wears cute clothes and has fun. I WILL be the girl that is comfortable with her body and doesn't care what others think. I will NOT be trapped in this shell of fat. I will start LIVING my life instead of standing by and watching everyone else around me.
Location: Down in the dumps..but working my way out!
That's a good word...
WOW Tina! I don't know how many times I've felt like that-wanting to join in the fun, but sitting on the sidelines instead because I'm afraid to come out of this shell I've built. Afraid that I'll get criticized, or laughed at, or worse yet-IGNORED . I've lived in this mindset for so long; changing is going to be hard. All any of us can do is take it one day at a time. And by the way Tina, did I tell you what a beautiful woman you are? Don't be afraid to come out of that shell!
Mary: Don't let things get you down. I had one of "those days" yesterday. I was mad at my husband, my son, everybody and everything. Sometimes all that's needed is taking some time for YOU-taking a nap, reading a good book, checking in here at 3FC. I'm glad you've been checking in more often. I care about you!
Hope everybody has a wonderful weekend!
P.S. Happy Thankgiving to our Canadian friends!
"Now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love" 1 Cor. 13:13
I am wiped out, been awake since yesterday am at 5:30!! this crazy work schedule, then I just stayed up last night when I got off at 10:30p, talked to Jane till 2 ish, then laid down for a bit, still awake at 3ish, got up, got dressed and went to visit a friend, then work at 6:30 till 2:30--so here I still am all these so many hours later....I am LOOPY! bring on the men in the straight jackets, yowzers!!!
Gotta go before i say something really off the wall, and you girls will forever "rib" me about it! Ahhhhh good old sleep deprivation..