I have been a member for a while, but I never come here
I am ashamed really. I want to lose weight. I've wanted to for so long. But, why do I still eat junk food and over eat. I am such a fat pig. I finally got up the nerve to weigh myself. Ya! Ready for this?
I weigh 298.
I am a fat ugly pig.
This is how I feel. I am a failure. I have no self control. I have ballooned up to a weight that is uncomfortable.
I weigh 298. You guys, I have never told anyone. In fact I wouldn't even weigh myself, so that I wouldn't even know. If I had to be weighed at a doctor's office, I refused to look at the scales.
I have had so much to deal with in my life. And instead of lashing out at the people who hurt me. I lashed out at myself. Stuffing myself with chocolate bars, a full bowl of popcorn, 2 sandwhiches instead of 1, 2 litre bottle of pops-diet coke, greasy foods. I don't even drink water. I hate myself for what I did to my body.
I hate being fat. I hate being a statistic. It is so damn hard. I sorry I am whinny. Right now I have nobody to cry to. Nobody to listen and understand.
God Bless my husband! He tells me I am beautiful. I don't believe him and I know it hurts him when I say so. And I know deep down, that because I am unhappy with myself, i make him unhappy. I don't want to lose him because I am fat.
What does it feel like to be hungry?
I want to walk. I want to go to eat healthy foods and I want to say no to junk food. I want to drink water and I want to feel cool, not hot all the time. I want to feel clean and not sweaty and I want to wear nice clothes. Not baggy ugly clothes. I NEED motivation. I have the right reasons.
I suffer with depression - and having weight issues doesn't help. I have history of heart trouble & diabetes. Do I have a death wish? Why do I do this to myself. I want to be there as an active parent for my children. I don't want to be some sorry sad person for the rest of my life.
God I need a friend who understands. Someone who could guide me and support me. I just need help.
I really am sorry I sound so pathetic. I just feel so gross because I just ate a bowl of popcorn and a chocolate bar at midnight. Sitting on my couch feeling upset about some family issues.
I really am a nice decent person and I really want help and I want to be motivated and I want to succeed.
I am asking for help. But, I am not sure if you can help.
Thanks for listening.