Hey everyone
The thread has been really quiet of late. I doubt it is because we are all doing so well that there is nothing to share. Everyone ok out there?
I've been kind of bluesy myself. DH is still out of work. I've been working and reworking the budget to see if there is any way we can make it happen on just one income. I think we're going to see if he qualifies for a student loan and then just let him be the house husband. I honestly don't need the extra pressure, but I don't need the worry of wondering how long his latest job is going to last either. My honey is a good man who has run into a bad streak of job luck that has just happened to run off an on for the last 3.5 years. He has had 7 different jobs in that time! It is insane, but his nursing degree should put an end to that. I want him to be able to concentrate and get through school.
I think both of my jobs are becoming unstable again as well. Chicks, I'm not used to dealing with this. The town clerk assistant job posting date is finally past, and there was only one other applicant with close to my experience, so I'm not too worried about that part, BUT (there is almost always a huge one of those hanging in the air) the council person who doesn't like me has requested our town clerk justify the expense of hiring me. You would think he would have come up with this ploy before we went to the expense of getting my computer set up, networked, extra phone lines, and a wonderfully comfy new chair in there, but no. I really love that job, but I'm coming to believe it is going to be an ongoing hassle keeping it.
My other job, well, the manager's wife was talking to me the other day and asking when I was planning to leave. She has this habit of bring their pillow talk to me directly because she knows her husband has absolutely no communication skills. Heck, as far as I know, they plan it out this way. Anyway, she always brings me the hard stuff because he can't cope. Yeah, I'm coming to really dislike when I see her walk into the building. But I'm getting the feeling that they are going to need to cut one more person from staff, and I'm going to be the IT girl.
Yes, this is long and whiny. I guess I'm trying to get my thoughts out there so I can see where I really stand and how I really feel about where my life is and where it is going. I feel so good about myself physically, and I want the rest of my life to reflect that feeling. I'm no longer willing to settle for half.
Today after work, I'm going to go check out a little unusued kitchen I know of at the RV park just up the street. I kind of snuck in with a friend (yes, totally out of character for me) to scope it out, and this teensy thing could serve my purposes really well. I need a certified kitchen to start a little lunch catering business. There are two industrial parks nearby that have no catering trucks and are far enough from fast food joints to make it practical to get to them. I think I could fill that niche. DH makes beautiful sandwiches. Every time I'm eating one of his, customers ask where I bought it. I've priced out every aspect of making them, packaging, etc., and I can see room for enough profit to make it worthwhile and still a value for the customer. I need a business license, a manager's level food handler's permit and a certified kitchen. I've checked with so many other kitchens, but for one reason or another, they won't work out. This is about the last one I can think of that is also close to my home.
Ok, I put it out there. It feels like I've been holding my breath the entire time it took to write that last paragraph. I need something to work in my life. I'm making the fitness and weight loss parts happen. I think that is what I need to do with the rest. I can't sit back, hoping and praying. I need to take action.
I guess not much of this sounds like it should be on this thread, but it does to me. This journey is becoming all-encompassing, a work to repair all the little things in my life that I have been stuffing down and hiding from and hurting over and just plain afraid of. After my baby boy died, I told people I felt as if I had been put through the fires of **** and come out the other side. Those fires scoured me to the bone.
I am a very different woman now. I like this woman better. I like myself better. For something so small (born at 22 weeks, 10.5 inches and less than 1 lb.) the impact he made on my life from his two short hours of living has been dramatic.
On Ethan's headstone, we put the words, "A gift of love." It seemed fitting since he was born on Valentine's day. Those words seem even more fitting now. He gave me a gift I couldn't give myself. He gave me a willingness to live and the desire to become all the beautiful things of which I am capable.
Ok, I've been crying for at least the last 10 minutes, but they feel like cleansing tears. I'm going to go dry these eyes and head to work, and be thankful I work with a bunch of guys who see red eyes and run the other direction.
Andria
more later.
Why journaling points works!
flex points left and although I probably won't see too much of a loss I did stay OP. 
to everyone! And here is a Hug for those in need 
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