[mimsyborogoves]

Also, thank you Palestrina. That is another thing I really need to work on - my relationship with food. Yesterday at work I started thinking about this new weight loss journey and my thoughts went to: "I'm NEVER going to be able to enjoy myself in a restaurant anymore." "I'm NEVER going to be able to do fun things with my boyfriend anymore because I'm not going to be able to eat food I like." "I'm NEVER going to be able to go to happy hour with the girls after work and get a drink I actually want to drink."

And then I think... uh, what? I can go to restaurants. I've been to restaurants while I was losing weight. I think I get intimidated going to restaurants that don't have nutrition info readily available, but I mean jeeze -- I'm not an idiot. I know what healthy choices are and what not healthy choices are. I know that I can get an entree I really want and get it boxed up before I start digging in. I know that my actual go-to drink is a rum and diet coke, which isn't that many calories. I also know that a margarita can be made with a splash of lime juice and tonic water instead of sugary mixes. I know a 5oz glass of wine is only 100-150 calories and I don't need to drink more than one to get a buzz. I know that my boyfriend doesn't care if I don't demolish an appetizer with him. I know my FRIENDS don't care if I decide to eat healthier at a restaurant. ****, one of my friends here can't eat meat or dairy because she's allergic to them, and here I am complaining about not being able to indulge in a cheeseburger every week. She couldn't indulge in a cheeseburger even if she wanted to because it'll literally make her sick. And it's not like I won't EVER have a cheeseburger again, I just don't have to eat them all the time.

So I know what I have to do, and I know what choices I can make, and I know how to live a healthy lifestyle. I just figure out how to make it work so I don't get anxiety every time I'm around these people and these places that give me anxiety lol.

[EMERALDberry]

I can tell you, Mimsy, that you definitely have signs of depression...because I lived in it for so many years. Where I used to be very concerned about my appearance, my hair, my clothing.....I no longer cared. Weight gain and not caring about one's appearance are 2 huge signs. Depression is damaging. When I came out of depression, I now had to "fix" the damage. Where I had stopped caring about appearance, cooking for my family, keeping a clean house, I had to throw cold water in my face and say, "I care about these things and I have to fix this."

My husband, of over 27 years, has stayed with me through it all. After all, part of the marriage vows are "for better or worse, in sickness and in health."

Women NEED to feel good about themselves in order to function as a woman should. As the saying goes, "when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Since you seem to have good communication with your BF I would ask him if you could avoid going to certain restaurants. We go out to eat quite frequently but my husband knows, if I can't check the restaurants menu before going out to eat so I know what I will be ordering, then we don't go to that place. Because he loves me, he is willing to go where I can go to eat because he knows the confident woman I used to be and he wants her back.

Best wishes on your journey!

Emmy

[fat2fitgirl]

I agree, you're probably suffering with depression. I have depression myself and have to literally write things down in order to accomplish them and it's not hard stuff, DAILY tasks like cleaning myself properly and making sure I feed my dog... it's HARD.

My secret to the weight loss that I've accomplished is that I have an AMAZING support system. I can't even begin to explain how amazing EVERYONE at the boot camp that I attend are to each other. We are literally like a family and I have to say that the constant motivational support is the only thing that has kept me going.

I'm telling you this because maybe you need a real-life support system. You can find groups or find a workout center that is personal and supportive.

Depression is another thing, I have found that when it comes to depression no amount of weight loss will make it better. You will still have problems if you get to your goal weight. What you need is therapy, medication and cognitive skills in order to combat depression.

At 324 lbs I was depressed, at 223 lbs I am depressed and I'm sure when I get to 150 lbs I'll still be a depressed person. But I am getting therapy, I'm on medication and I just keep doing this life thing the best I can with the skills I've learned.

Please consult your doctor if you haven't already so he/she can recommend the best treatment.

[mimsyborogoves]

I really wish I had a support system here. The only friends I've made out here so far are coworkers. I have joined a gym and they do group fitness, classes and boot camps, so I've been thinking about trying those. I did go to a tai-chi/yoga/pilates class but it mostly consisted of stay-at-home moms and older women, and I'd prefer to hang out with people my own age. I need to do volunteer work or something.

[AlldaLapin]

First of all Mimsy, can I just say you sound like an incredibly grounded, intelligent, and self aware person - your comments about the feelings of rejection your boyfriend is experiencing have helped me understand some things about my own relationship. I've been in the same boat with my boyfriend for way too long now - and just recently discovered that we are so much happier and so much more attracted to each other when I stop telling myself how unattractive I am. My boyfriends a pretty special guy, and it sounds like you and your boyfriend have an honest dialogue going where you can be open about relationship issues without either of you jumping to "breakup mode" - which is VERY special. I don't have any advice to add except that you should trust yourself to find a solution and work your way through. You don't sound like the self-pitying type and like I said you sound very self-aware. Lots of people seem to be in the same boat, and I personally just realized this week that when I work out and sleep 8 hours my relationship benefits directly and immediately. Good luck to you - everything worth being good at is hard, and loving yourself is worth being good at!