[JaimeLT]

I'm mostly writing this because I imagine someone out there has the same problem as me.

My boyfriend, whom is very sweet and caring, is having a hard time dealing with this new diet and lifestyle I'm going through. The biggest thing is, he has never in our lives called me fat or even hinted that he doesn't like that I'm overweight. He usually will say something along the lines of, "I like thick women with some meat on them." But still only when I tell him that he can't deny that I'm a "bigger girl." While I appreciate that he finds me attractive, it doesn't stop me from wanting to lose the weight and be healthy and I really think he'll find me attractive either way.

The problem I have is, he's a HUGE junk food eater. Pizza, candy, sugar sodas, and the whole nine yards. He tried to keep that stuff away from me for the first few weeks and he even said that he wanted to work out and lose weight with me. I get it, he may not be ready and that's fine, he really isn't that overweight to begin with. But my problem is, sometimes I break down and eat it with him. Dieting can be hard enough sometimes without a Papa John's pizza staring you in the face. Need I say more, I ate three pieces of it last night. The night before, homemade chicken tenders were for dinner, deep fried in vegetable oil. I will shamefully admit that I ate way more than one portion size.

This is getting me into a bad funk that I don't want to be in. I get this horribly guilty feeling about eating bad food and I know I shouldn't. Every now and again, it's okay to eat something bad for you but when it's two days in a row, it starts making you feel crappy.

My boyfriend is also a late night snacker. While he was gone on a trip visiting family, I had completely kicked late night eating, now that he's back, so is my late night eating. I know it's a matter of me restraining myself and blaming him gets me nowhere and I'm not blaming him in anyway. I just worry that this might knock me off my goals and stride. I could really use some advice.

Has anyone else ever had this problem or one like it?

[MatchaPocky]

Hi, Jaime!

I've seen people on the forum with the exact same problem you're going through. Some of the solutions were asking their SO to hide the junky snacks from them and not let them have any when they ask. That way their SO could have their junk food and even if you're tempted you would have to find it first or make a conscious decision to buy more. Another was to just get out of the vicinity if their SO was eating junk food, go for a walk instead or occupy themselves with something to just get out of the eating area. If you eat all your meals together, make his in one serving of what he would eat. That way there's none left over for you. If you want pizza or fried chicken make them yourself from scratch as often as possible, using healthier alternatives or healthier pre made ingredients. Having to make your own pizza crust or cutting your own fries can be much more time consuming and tedious then making vegetables which might help you rethink the urge to have it and when you do make it, you control every ingredient ! If he has something you want, make your own version. If he's having pasta, make Zucchini pasta or whatever healthy version you like. That way you can feel like you're having similar meals. It might help you feel a little less left out or tempted to eat the same thing he does because you're pretty much are eating the same thing.

Good luck and keep going!

[Wannabehealthy]

I have lived with this for 35 years. LOL DH does not eat large amounts of food and has never had a weight problem, but he eats a lot of sweets, and things like french fries, greasy hamburgers. I started out eating like he does and that's how I ended up gaining all this weight. Now I have trained myself to avoid his junk food. I developed type 2 diabetes and I think that's what woke me up. I know that I am risking losing my toes, or my eyesight, by not controlling my eating, so it's just something I have to do. It would be nice if they would be kind enough to keep that food away from you, but men just don't think that way. We have to be the strong ones and control our own eating. DH always says "Why should I have to give up the food I like just because you can't eat it.?" And while that sounds so uncaring, it's the truth. For the rest of my life there will be situations where unhealthy food is going to be available and it will always be up to me to avoid it. Just try to take it one day at a time. Eventually, by eating healthy foods, you will lose interest in the junk food. It takes time. Each day you succeed, you become a little bit stronger. And don't beat yourself up every time you slip up. Just start over again. You can do this, and by sticking to it, you might influence him to clean up his eating, just don't hold your breath. LOL

One thing I do when DH brings pizza into the house. I pull off the cheese and toppings, and chop it up into a bowl of salad greens. You get the "taste" of pizza, but you're eliminating all the carbs in the crust and getting some healthy greens. I call it Pizza Salad.

One other thing. There ARE men who only like big women. Could this be him? They will do everything they can to keep you from losing weight without making it so obvious. So you have to do what you feel is best for you, and not base it on his opinion of you.

[JaimeLT]

I understand entirely that this journey is mine and not his. Trust me, if I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain the weight like him, I wouldn't be hiding my Kit Kats or pizza for nothing. I would be pigging out to no end!

I was pretty good with the pizza, it was strips of chicken breasts and mushrooms. I also got light cheese and didn't eat the whole crust like I normally do. So I think one of my biggest things is being very hard on myself for occasional treats because even still, I don't eat as much as I used to.

I'm really glad that I'm not the only one with this problem because it helps me feel less alone. I honestly feel like I'm rude for asking him but the other night he went out and got burgers and I went to eat in the kitchen at the bar instead of at the table. Tuna, lettuce, and whole wheat wraps don't quite compare to Whoppers sometimes. Haha! Burgers are quite honestly my weakness. They were always my favorite and in time became a comfort food. He was upset that I wasn't eating with him but I had to explain that just smelling the food was going to make me want to eat it. I had to leave for a walk until the smell got out of the house.

I know he's not trying to be mean or evil because before a few weeks ago I would have happily sat with him and have eaten the burger but now, I can't. Part of me wonders if he's worried that I'm going to change too much with my diet and become someone else and I guess that is partly what's happening. I wish I could pig out on burgers and pizza and candy all the time but sadly I can't. I think he'll be able to cope with it, it'll just take time.

And thank you guys for the helpful responses. It's nice to have support.

[Munchy]

Is there a reason why you can't eat a burger? What about lean beef (I like to make it moist by adding in an equal part of food processed mushrooms), 2% cheese, a 100 calorie bun or even a lettuce wrap? You don't have to eat tuna and lettuce to lose weight. If you find swaps/modify as needed for your plan, you may have an easier job for the long haul without feeling deprived.

[JaimeLT]

Originally Posted by Munchy

Is there a reason why you can't eat a burger? What about lean beef (I like to make it moist by adding in an equal part of food processed mushrooms), 2% cheese, a 100 calorie bun or even a lettuce wrap? You don't have to eat tuna and lettuce to lose weight. If you find swaps/modify as needed for your plan, you may have an easier job for the long haul without feeling deprived.

Oh no, I still eat burgers. I usually just eat turkey burgers or something a bit healthier than a Whopper from fast food. That was what he brought home and he got me one. I just don't like to eat fast food because it's a pleasure food for me and usually ends with me getting off schedule for a week or so. I know I can gave things and telling myself I can't would only lead to me being miserable and giving up my diet but a whopper probably isn't one of those things, especially on a regular basis. I just started my diet and want to be going strong. I have 36 more pounds to lose in 3 and a half months.

[ennay]

So one thing you CAN ask is for him not to bring some for you. That is not limiting his right to eat what he wants.

There is also sometimes room to ask for ...I guess planning the fast food? Say - hey if we want Friday to be pizza night this week, then plan that. See if he can be happy having healthier pizza OR at least plan to make your own healthier pizza while he is eating Papa Johns. Also, as you said, you CAN have some, you just cant have it all. So instead of "caving" in to pizza which makes you feel bad about it even though you probably didn't do much damage, PLAN the pizza.

I know every single restaurant in town and where I CAN find something that will fit in my plan and where I can't. Oh you are picking up Chinese? Get me the Ginger chicken with Broccoli with brown rice. Mexican? Tortilla soup - tortillas on the side and shrimp ceviche. Pizza? Thin crust, extra veggie - and I add some sausage crumbles from the freezer.

Same with the burgers. One thing I do because I have really busy kids is I make up 4 lbs of burgers at a time. About 1/2 I freeze pattied but un-cooked and the other half I freeze fully cooked. Make and freeze a lot of YOUR burgers and then if he brings home BK, you can pop one in the microwave or grill one up and have a hamburger too in no time flat. (I agree on the fast food burgers, there is something in how uber-processed they are that triggers much worse than a real burger...and I don't even like them).

Even the late night eating can be managed. Either decide that you aren't going to eat with him and leave the room OR decide that you ARE and plan for it. I decided a while ago that giving up the evening snack was triggering my binges because even the first bite was off plan. So now I save 200 calories for right before bed and I have a good solid snack. So much less urge to binge. About 50% of the time I decide I would like more "real food" instead of a treat. Again, it depends on whether you find yourself more triggered by his eating or by WHAT he is eating. Can you eat an apple and cheese if he is eating potato chips and ice cream.

[Missy789]

I feel you.It is something that I am struggling with also. My SO eats huge portions and a ton of junk.

We did a couple things that helped. I had been using a calorie tracking app and I asked her to download it and just track what she was eating for a week- not to cut down or anything, just to track. We would end our days by comparing the two. It helped her see how some of her snacks were more calories than most of my meals. Also, since the app gives target calories for the day, she was able to see how just for us each to maintain our weights, she was allowed more than 500 calories a day more than me. Something really clicked for her there- that we couldn't eat the same stuff, that she couldn't bring me the same snacks, etc. She tried to switch her diet up for a while to stick to mine, but that just didn't stick, so instead we just have different snacks: she has a Hagendaz- i have a skinny cow, she has a bag of popcorn- i have my mini 100 cal bags of popcorn, she has potatoes- i have salad, she stops at McDonalds- I make a second stop somewhere not as bad. If i smile really cute, I can have a bite of her bad stuff, but I rarely even want it anymore. I'm satisfied with my alternative.

The hardest thing was for both of us to realize that our needs are different. She had to realize that bringing me snacks was not kind and caring but was hurting me. I had to stop being angry that she wasn't going to jump on the healthy bandwagon with me. I still struggle with that and I know that long term we need to be on more similar, but I'm learning to pick my battles and take baby steps converting her to some of my healthy alternatives.

[JaimeLT]

Ennay: I am starting to learn the ways of my diet. I've started prepackaging things and leaving them in a place that's easier for me to get to them, instead of them being buried under junk food. I've started prepackaging my shakes for 3 days worth of the work week. (I may fruit/kale/spinach smoothies for my breakfast during the work week.) As time goes on, I'm getting better at this but I will tell you, it was quite a struggle within the first few weeks. Now I'm better at shopping an preparing but I will definitely have to try the burger thing! Burgers were always a weakness of mine!

I do need to start planning better for dinners because sometimes, with the kids, we just stop and get something on the way home from the lake or a long day. Next time I'm definitely getting thin crust with light cheese! I'm slowly learning how to plan my life around my new diet, it's just taking me sometime and all this advice is very helpful to me. I certainly appreciate it. And as for late night eating, I used to leave myself some calories for it but I realized it's a binging trigger for me. If I eat one thing after dinner, I want to eat ten and it's like I just can't stop myself, next thing I know, I'm 500 calories over my daily budget. Not good! So I'm just doing my best to kick it.

Missy789: He tracked his calories one day too and Lord I think he was about 800-1000 calories over my daily intake. He seemed a bit shocked by it and like you said, started eating better around me for a week or two but then he went back to his junk food and overeating. Which, as you said, is absolutely fine, he doesn't gain like I do. He does seem a bit more conscious about eating around me, especially when it's trigger foods. If I'm overtired and people come around with burgers and fries, at this point in my diet, it's like I'm tying myself to a chair so I don't reach for any of it. But I'm not eating it, I'm doing my best to stick with it this time around.

I have mentioned that I don't like him to offer me candy and such when it's a late night and we're watching a movie. I'm still getting used to not eating at night because it triggers me to binge. So when I'm laying on the couch and he offers me kit kats, it's kind of like someone pouring lemon juice in your wounds. Haha! He's doing better but he's still adjusting and I get it. This isn't his life choice it's mine, I've just explained to him that for right now, where I am new to my diet, I need a little help. Because I can already tell that in a little bit longer, I'll be able to do this without it seeming like such a task. It's just a matter of getting past these first few weeks. But I'm getting there!

[Munchy]

In terms of planning, I cook entire dishes on weekends: all different varieties of soup, chili, curry, stuffed peppers, stew, burgers, casseroles, meatballs, nuggets, burritos, meatloaves, etc and freeze them in individual portions. On each container, I label the date and calorie count. I've done it for almost 8 years, so in the morning I can grab my lunch and go and my family always has a healthy option to warm up in minutes.

It gives me variety, ease, saves us money, and we're never lacking for food when we're rushed.

I also like to prep my breakfast on weekends. On a Sunday night I may make some kind of frittata to eat a wedge everyday over the week, I may make hard boiled eggs, or I may roast some vegetables or make a shakshouka (don't poach the egg yet), so that I can just warm that up and cook my egg each morning.

We also meal plan dinners together as a family. Usually around Thursday/Friday, we make a quick plan together for the following week's dinners and then I post it on the fridge. That way there are no surprises (and reduced complaints), I can use up ingredients that I have on hand, and I can make a grocery list based on what we will need (along with whatever I plan to make for the freezer).

[McMurphy]

I have the same problem, and when I posted a similar thread on the MyFitnessPal forums, a few people left rude comments like "he eats more...you eat less...is this a serious question?" They obviously don't get it. I don't have much to offer since I'm in the same situation, but you're not alone here!

[ennay]

Originally Posted by McMurphy

I have the same problem, and when I posted a similar thread on the MyFitnessPal forums, a few people left rude comments like "he eats more...you eat less...is this a serious question?" They obviously don't get it. I don't have much to offer since I'm in the same situation, but you're not alone here!

MFP forums can get a little trolly

[FattoFitIndian]

I can not comment on this kind of situation in life. However the post was really nice.

[FABULOUSSAGITARRIUS]

Hi, this is one of the main reasons that I came to this group. To get the support and encouragement that I know that I will not get from my wife. It has only been a week since I started my diet but I have already been offered things that I have made it clear that I cannot eat. She has never been cruel about it and I don't know if she realizes she is doing it, but since it is important to me I feel it should be important to her to support me.
Last night she came in eating ice cream and I made her stay in the living room until she was done. She has gained weight since we first meet but I try not to pressure her to go on a diet, it has to be her choice. But I am trying to stick with it and reach my goal and this time keep it off.

[TheBlueOrchid]

I'm definitely in the same boat too. By boyfriend is stick thin and can eat enough for 3 people per day and never gain an ounce. I tell him I'm trying to cut down but he still buys stuff that I like which makes it hard to resist. Today he said I'm always gonna be chubby and it made me wanna cry. I've been thin most of my life until my father died and since 2012 it's been so hard losing the 60lbs I gained. Bf doesn't help and he's not supportive. It does make me feel a little better to see other people are going through a similar situation. I'm trying to stay strong and do the best I can and I hope for all of you too.