[Elle473]

I could really use some advice, guys.
I've been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember (but actually ended up gaining weight). Whenever I try to lose weight, I tell myself to only consume the necessary amount of calories, about 12-1300 calories a day. I'll do well for a few days, but before long I'll have polished off a bag of treats, be they cookies, candies or chips. And I'll start the whole thing all over again -- it's become a weekly occurrence.

I really want to lose weight by a certain date because I know if I don't I'll absolutely hate myself. What do I do? I know that if I deprive myself of the treats I love now, I'll eat them with a vengeance later (it's happened MANY times). I also think that if I were to gradually reduce my consumption of the foods I love (say I eat half my normal consumption of my favorite foods) I won't reach my goal in time.

Another thing. I'm not entirely sure if this is true for anybody else, but when I count calories I become obsessed with keeping my consumption below my daily limit. This leads to long binge periods afterwards (which I am currently on), though. It's tough for me to get back on track (if you can really call willingly depriving myself normal) because i don't like feeling limited. I mean after eating giant portions of whatever I want can you really blame for resisting?

I have no idea what I should do. I know that I'm a mess when it comes to diets and weight loss, but I really do want to lose the weight. I feel so *blah* in my skin.

One last thing. I've tried to write everything I ate down, but I would either make an effort to eat healthy (controlled portions of fruit) or I would have a heyday and not write anything down. So, I've never really gotten a clear picture of what I normally eat and how much.

I think the problem with me is my mindset. The moment I put myself on a diet all I think about is deprivation, limitation and restriction. Even if I had enough room in my budge to have a cookie, it's just ONE cookie. I don't like feeling limited -- I think I would do anything to defy it. The same goes with eating around people. When I'm around people I never eat as much as I'd like (because I feel ashamed being the only person to go in for seconds). But I make up for it when I'm alone -- perhaps because I have the freedom to do what I want.

what should I do? How should I go about losing the weight? How do I fix my unhealthy relationship with food and limitation? I know that I have an eating disorder. Please help me! Without a plan in mind I won't know what to do.

Thank you!

[Palestrina]

I know your struggle, many of us have dealt with this exact struggle. I know this is a diet forum but I am an anti dieter. Through Intuitive Eating I have learned that diets cause this vicious cycle of restriction-binge-shame over and over again. If you look around you'll see that the people who have weight problems are the ones who are always dieting.

One day I decided to stop following diets and especially stop listening to dieters! I got sick of trying to lose weight by restricting myself and instead wanted to focus on fixing my eating disorder. You don't overcome disordered eating by changing what you eat, you overcome it by changing your behavior around food.

I don't know why you have a deadline for losing weight and I don't understand why you'd hate yourself if you don't reach it. You wouldn't say that to an enemy, so why yourself?

Check out IE and see if it resonated with you. Youre stuck in a cycle and it's not your fault. Diets just don't work, it doesn't mean you're weak or lazy, they just don't work and there are statistics to back me up. Disclaimer: IE is not a weightloss diet, it's a way for you to heal your relationship with food, giving you the opportunity to make better choices and not binge. I have lost weight with IE and I haven't gained any back but it's slow and not really the point. And I don't hate myself anymore.

[SenseAndSensibility]

I agree that IE might be for you! I started as a calorie counter but switched over gradually to IE without any negative consequences (many were worried I would binge eat because calorie counting might have left me "deprived" but nothing of the sort befell me).

I personally needed to learn how much to eat first and slow down my over eating to be able to recognize my hunger signals for IE. Although counting seems to trigger poorly in you, if you want to try it again just to start and wean off of it definitely eat more than 1300. Seriously. Start graudal, work your way down. Better yet, maybe keep a food diary for a week to see what you ate and how it made you feel after wards and forget the calories all together. Just start recognizing your hunger signals. And treat yourself to a fun shopping trip where you pick out healthy foods and snacks that you LOVE. There are so many fruits and vegetables out there you are bound to like something. Don't put ANYTHING in your mouth that you don't like. What helped me was learning to make/eat healthy food that you actually want to eat. I'm not saying reach only for fast food or sweets, I mean bring up your repetoire of healthy stuff you love. And eat it frequently.A little salad dressing won't kill you, and you can slowly use less and less for example. Make tacos, but add on extra veggies and switch your meat to something leaner. We have bacon Monday at my home, we make bacon every Monday. Because I know there is bacon in my future, I eat less bacon on monday. I know I'll have bacon again. Be a picky eater again

Hopefully there is something here that helps you, bug whatever you do don't give up and don't punish yourself or bring yourself down. You are doing incredible just for recognizing what you want for your body.

[Jacqui_D]

I had many of your same issues with dieting until I found the plan I'm doing now, which basically cuts out white starchy carbs and sugars for 6 days a week and has me eat anything I want on the 7th day, every single week! I've lost steadily since starting this diet and I don''t intend to ever stop. It is now my new way of eating. Diabetes runs in my family and I don't need so many white starchy carbs and sugars in my daily diet. By the same token, I know from experience that I'm not going to stick to any diet that eliminates them completely. If you want to take a look at my diet, I've outlined it here: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/othe...hread-4-a.html. It may not be what you're looking for. I don't believe any one diet is right for every dieter, but then again, you might find it's one you want to try. Good luck!

[qballmhh]

love all these answers, so helpful!

[dana88daisy]

Hi Everyone
I think the biggest part of losing weight, and even though it sounds obvious, I am going to say it......We all have to find what it is that works for each of us. Atkins works for me, it may not work for others. Sometimes we have to try many different things/plans/diets....before we really land on something we can stick with long term.
I believe having support of others that truly understand is HUGE and I don't think I can do it without having forums such as this to belong to.
Be sure to set goals.....little ones first....Make a PLAN to reach those goals...if we don't do this, we will fail every time. (Fail to plan, plan to fail.)
Set realistic goals....Man!!! How many times have I said "I'm going to lose 80 pounds in 6 months and be done!" Although that probably is not impossible, it is a hard reach and if I fall behind, I will give up EVERY TIME!!!!

Be kind to yourself......This is SO IMPORTANT!!!! Treat yourself as you would your best friend.

It is nice to know others face the same struggles and fears as me.....
I'm here to help and helping others makes me feel better and work harder.

Let's do this!!!

Dana Rae