I agree with you and have been ruminating over the best response today. I honestly don't know when I will see him face to face again (they live far enough away that their finances and/or ours don't stretch far enough for many visits plus other complications), probably not until next year. But I'm sure I'll get the chance to say something.
At this point I don't think responding to his comment via facebook would really work; I've had lots of people come to my defence and I think I would come across as petulant. Sadly, there will always be a next time...
I disagree with being passive aggressive. That just makes you look bad. Be direct and stand up for yourself. Sure it's nice if your husband speaks up in your defense but don't be a damsel in distress. Defend yourself and be upfront about it. Being passive aggressive just invited more vitriol whereas being direct cannot be misinterpreted and you won't be inviting more criticism. Sorry you're dealing with this, that's very mean.
I am kind of glad this happened, actually - it has revealed a weakness in my personality I need to address. I often shy away from any and all conflict as soon as possible, and just try to keep the peace even if it's at my own personal cost. I will be working on this.
"How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.
If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
"You look so healthy!" is a great one.
Or how about, "You're looking so strong."
"I can see how happy you are -- you're glowing."
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don't comment on other women's bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you'll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn't absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom's recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
~ Sarah Koppelkam"
And this is what I added to it:
This is how I live my life. This is how we are raising our daughters. I really don't want to see or hear any more comments on my weight, ever again. Thank you for raising my wonderful husband and loving us enough to respect our beliefs. This is something we believe very strongly in.
Family will make "fat" comments and how you should try and "get healthy"....then when you're busting your butt and succeeding and looking thin and feeling great..everyone jumps on you and says you look too thin, or you're too skinny. /facepalm
My grandmother can be abrasive and passive aggressive. I started replying to her (and others at work) with a nice look in the eye and "wow, that was rude!"
People don't necessarily like hear that, even if it's true.
Yup, I'm direct as well. I don't do passive aggressive. My mother is so passive aggressive its ridiculous. (she is no longer in my life do to so much more than that) Its amazing how people react to calling them out on their bad behavior though...
If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices. If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other people's weight or appearance. We're hard on each other because we're using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency.
Some blokes can't help it they are complete *******s. My old man used to make these sorts of remarks to my sister (his daughter) when she was a new mum. Eventually she went psycho on him and kicked him out of her house during a family get together. Did the trick. Just kick your FIL in the balls
