Thank you so much. This is the worst pain I've ever felt and I am just praying that maybe tomorrow when I wake up, it will hurt a little less, but so far Im stuck
You are at a very low time of your life right now.
But, as time passes and you start to heal, you will be a phoenix that rises from the ashes.
Believe it or not - this experience will make you stronger.
Hang in there. Also, please try to get exercise in because that will help to make you feel a bit better, physically.
Kiwi1222 I tried to post sooner, but the message didn't go through, and due to my own issues I've fallen behind, but I am so sorry you're in pain right now, but I am not sorry he released you because YOU DESERVE BETTER! So much better! I know when you're going through this it is so hard to see past your own pain, and even insecurities, but I promise you will feel so much better on the other side of this, and be thankful that he set you free. You are truly beautiful inside & out, and I am sorry he ever made you feel less than that, keeping you in my thoughts, please take care of yourself, and we're here for you!
ETA - this is one of my favorite quotes, and it has rang true for me and many others..
"In life, you'll meet two kinds of people. The ones who build you up and the ones who tear you down. but in the end, you'll thank them both." - Unknown
Last edited by Candidcamster; 10-30-2015 at 03:57 PM.
This is a poem that helped me through a rough time years ago ... I've always seen it as Author Unknown but if anyone should know the author, I'd love to know because folks should be honestly recognized for their work ...so many lines in this I LOVE... Hugs today - without work to distract, stay busy with something you've wanted to tackle...
"Comes The Dawn"
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.
Kiwi1222 I tried to post sooner, but the message didn't go through, and due to my own issues I've fallen behind, but I am so sorry you're in pain right now, but I am not sorry he released you because YOU DESERVE BETTER! So much better! I know when you're going through this it is so hard to see past your own pain, and even insecurities, but I promise you will feel so much better on the other side of this, and be thankful that he set you free. You are truly beautiful inside & out, and I am sorry he ever made you feel less than that, keeping you in my thoughts, please take care of yourself, and we're here for you!
ETA - this is one of my favorite quotes, and it has rang true for me and many others..
"In life, you'll meet two kinds of people. The ones who build you up and the ones who tear you down. but in the end, you'll thank them both." - Unknown
Thank you so much for your kind words. You just made me cry. I'm trying really hard to get stronger, but as I am sure many of you know, its really difficult and my pain is still very palpable. Its scary though bc I am clearly still in a denial stage, but so depressed as I am there and I know that depression comes later in this process. If I am not in full depression now, I don't know how I will cope when I go into the full depression state. This is such a rough one
Kiwi, What you are going through is a normal reaction to a huuuuuge loss. 10 years is a lot of emotional investment. It doesn't really lessen the loss that he does not deserve you & acted like a jerk. In fact on some level you are also losing the cherished man you loved even more, because he clearly is not the man you thought he was--that makes the loss even bigger.
The things you are feeling, denial, depression, are some of the ways your mind is helping you to cope right now. If you are able to get to work and do the very basic activities of living, you are doing great. If not, or even if you are doing these things, I'd encourage you to find professional help. It never hurts to have that kind of support to help you through such a difficult time.
Thank you so much for your kind words. You just made me cry. I'm trying really hard to get stronger, but as I am sure many of you know, its really difficult and my pain is still very palpable. Its scary though bc I am clearly still in a denial stage, but so depressed as I am there and I know that depression comes later in this process. If I am not in full depression now, I don't know how I will cope when I go into the full depression state. This is such a rough one
Sweetie, I did a lot of research on the stages of grief (as they relate to a lost relationship). I learned that the stages don't always come in order, and they don't always come one at a time. You'll go through tons of emotions as you go through the stages. Also, the time it takes varies. I think, for me, it took 10 months or so. I'm just now coming out of it!
I got a puppy and I am so glad I did. I was able to focus on her, which helped a lot.
Thank you Cali Doll. For the first time last night I felt okay. I had a rough morning yesterday but it got better as the day went on with random phone calls from people and a really long visit to the dog park with an old patient of mine who's husband went sociopathic after 13 yrs of marriage. She has done some counseling and is slowly coming out things and we talked for about 2.5hrs while our dogs played. I left that feeling a bit stronger, but still feel a lot of denial at the same time. Last night was the first that I didn't wake up every hour crying. I went to church this morning and sobbed like a baby the whole time though. I've just never felt so incredibly broken. So incredibly fooled
Kiwi: I am sorry! Remember there is no timeline on grief. And what has happened to you has so many emotions tied to it. Find something once a day that makes you happy, do it, read it, whatever it is.
Also, one thing I found after a short term break up - but still loaded w/a lot of feeling - get yourself a journal. Start putting in it 5 things you are thankful for, what you are good at, ONLY positive items. As you start sometimes you might list more sometimes less. As time goes on you will find it becomes easier and it may help you move forward believing in who you are and what direction you are headed, you are a great person worth celebrating. One other thing I found that helped me get through some hard times - do you live by an ocean? Go stick your toes in and will all your sadness out of you with each wave that comes in and then goes back out. Sounds kooky, but helped me immensely over a pregnancy loss. I sent all those feelings out into the vast depths of the sea.
The tears will lessen, the smiles on your face will return, I understand it hurts something awful right now: love who you and with time the heart will heal.
Kiwi: I am sorry! Remember there is no timeline on grief. And what has happened to you has so many emotions tied to it. Find something once a day that makes you happy, do it, read it, whatever it is.
Also, one thing I found after a short term break up - but still loaded w/a lot of feeling - get yourself a journal. Start putting in it 5 things you are thankful for, what you are good at, ONLY positive items. As you start sometimes you might list more sometimes less. As time goes on you will find it becomes easier and it may help you move forward believing in who you are and what direction you are headed, you are a great person worth celebrating. One other thing I found that helped me get through some hard times - do you live by an ocean? Go stick your toes in and will all your sadness out of you with each wave that comes in and then goes back out. Sounds kooky, but helped me immensely over a pregnancy loss. I sent all those feelings out into the vast depths of the sea.
The tears will lessen, the smiles on your face will return, I understand it hurts something awful right now: love who you and with time the heart will heal.
First, I am so sorry to hear of your pregnancy loss. Its moments like hearing that, that makes me know that despite how real my hurt feels, things can be so much worse. I appreciate you sharing that with me and I am truly sorry.
I don't live near an ocean, unfortunately. I used to journal a lot. The last journal entry I wrote was the day after he left. I feel like I need to retire that journal and start a new one. The current one is just memories of how I stated how in love in was and how lucky I was to have somebody that I truly adored in my life. It is memories of all the things that we did together since our lives were so intertwined. I am afraid to even look at that journal right now. I agree with you though and know that I need to start writing down positive things. I have to start recreating my life I guess. The life I thought I knew I had or the future I thought I had is no longer. I guess Im starting to realize that I am mourning that maybe even more than the relationship. Im not sure at this point what I am doing.
The life I thought I knew I had or the future I thought I had is no longer. I guess Im starting to realize that I am mourning that maybe even more than the relationship. Im not sure at this point what I am doing.
And that, believe it or not, will be the beauty you will receive out of this horrible experience. The future you will have will be better than the one you had. You will visit beautiful places, meet incredible people, rekindle old friendships and perhaps even heal old wounds.
My wife left me 18 months ago. In that time, I have established much closer relationships with my brother and mum - relationships I had sorely neglected; I have met and had relationships with fantastic women; I have driven miles along beautiful roads to meet old friends - people I had not seen in years; and have visited places I would have never gone to.
I have learnt so much about myself through my breakup. And for that I am so grateful.
Candidcamster was right.
Quote:
"In life, you'll meet two kinds of people. The ones who build you up and the ones who tear you down. but in the end, you'll thank them both."
The challenge is to learn to live - for all of us - but what lies ahead will be truly amazing for you. For now, just take it one day at a time.
I am so happy for so many reasons that I found this website. When I joined I never imagined that this is the type of thing that I would be receiving such support on. I thought I had found my partner for life. In this time that is very painful with its many ups and downs I find peace when I come here and see the amount of support that I have from total strangers. It is likely much more than my ex boyfriend could have ever given me for anything. Its still really hard calling him my ex boyfriend. Tonight I had a long dinner with my cousin who happened to be in a city not far from me(he's in town for just a few days working). He is typically overseas and when I got his call yesterday it was like a sign from God bc I had no idea he was stateside. He is a very straight shooter and basically a real life action movie badass. With very stern love, he reminded me that the best revenge is to not break down, but to move on. He's not a particularly emotional fellow. I do however know that he probably wants to break my ex's knees for hurting me. He then proceeded to order me a 16oz ribeye, baked potato, broccoli, and apple pie a la mode. I got through about 1/8 of it, but it was the most I've eaten in a week in a half.
kiwi: You will get through this - I am glad your cousin took you out and ordered you a big old meal! That made me chuckle, men like to fix things sometimes with food. I agree w/Ian, you will find your life gets better and surprises you along the way. Be open to those good journeys and fun surprises.
Yes, the journaling of only good things list is a good way to remind you of what indeed makes you happy. Leave the old journal in a box on a top shelf in the back of your closet. You don't need extra reminders of the hurt this man caused, you don't need to see if you saw signs in the past, or questions arose that you journaled on. Get rid of it. It's just excess baggage that you don't need.
Start afresh, list 5 things each day and as your heart heals that list will grow. Somethings may repeat, some things will be new - even something you'd never pay attention to catches your eye and makes you smile and remember there are so many good things in this world that are so simple that can bring a smile to your face.
You are a good woman who can conquer this and the feelings it has brought. Keep the faith and push right on back. Good things await!
I'm so glad you had dinner w/your cousin, and his good advice, I agree with. You are entitled to your sadness, just don't be mean to yourself, which guys and girls alike often do when a relationship ends. All of these "maybes" and "if only" I'm sure that person served a purpose in your life, and now it's time to move on and focus on you. Reading through some of the other messages loud and clear, you deserve better.
Last edited by Candidcamster; 11-02-2015 at 02:06 PM.
