I keep typing tons and deleting it, truth is I feel like such a horrible person because I should be thankful of such a wonderful husband and perfect baby boy but in a way I also resent my marriage and pregnancy because the "love fat" and "baby fat" are killing me and I know I am well beyond that, our little one is already a year old and I just keep pilling up pounds.
No matter how hard I try to eat healthy it doesn't matter if I have a fridge full of ice cream and all kinds of greasy stuff courtesy of my husband. He just looks miserable when I cook something semi-healthy and in fact he has taken over the kitchen with his southern cooking because he classifies anything not using a whole stick of butter as bad cooking!!
I don't have the energy, time or money to go to the gym and I am well aware that all this awful flabbiness will not go away unless I do. Am I doomed to get morbidly obese? I just want to go back to normal... it is literally painful for me to be this fat already (back problems) without mentioning I need to be able to keep up with my baby and carry him around.
Nothing fits so I look disgusting, I have tried online shopping but I order either too big or too small because I don't know this body, this is not my body :'(
**** even our cats which we adopted while I was pregnant are overweight. My husband has gained plenty of wait as well, I want my sexy man back... This is just ridiculous!! I am sorry for the rant, please help me?
I feel for you. This must be a really challenging situation.
I would leave literature or websites open, which discuss health risks of an unhealthy lifestyle.
I would remind him that it's not just the two of us anymore...and we're teaching our kid an unhealthy way of eating which is going to affect him later in life.
You could do casual family walks a few times in the week. If that's not possible you can pick one of those workout dvds and exercise at home.
Just because he cooks it, doesn't mean you have to eat it! As long as you stay away from grains and sugars, you won't gain anymore. In other words, eat his buttery chicken! LOL. And when he's at work or out, live on fruits and vegetables. Smoothies are a life saver! (Say you're making baby/toddler food!) And grab a handful of nuts for a snack. Go on walks. Download apps/watch dvds/do exercises for when you're in the house. Be a master at making what the family wants, but eat what you want. Tell DH, "I'm not hungry/I'm on a plan/I still full from lunch/That doesn't agree with me anymore". You can do it! Stick to your guns and it will be the new normal. Don't change anyone else in the house yet. Stick with your personal plan for a year. Good luck!!!
Hi, I too gained a lot of weight after pregnancy (I was 174) and it took me until he was well over a year to get it off, then I regained and took me another 10 years to finally say enough and got it off for good...for the most part.
One thing I did while he was little was put him in the stroller and go for long walks everyday, twice a day. I lost 30p doing that along with watching what I ate.
You can eat some of his foods but avoid carbs and watch your portion sizes. When he's not home eat foods prepared your way. If he doesn't like your food choices then that's simply too bad. Do your thing and hopefully he will follow suit, if not well then he's going to have weight problems but you aren't.
I know you're tired but nobody can give you the push you need except yourself. Stay focused on your goal.
I would leave literature or websites open, which discuss health risks of an unhealthy lifestyle.
IMO, the effectiveness of this strategy depends on how the recipient handles indirect communication. Some people prefer to receive hints, but it would infuriate me. I would see it as passive-aggressive. Just sayin'.
You're going to be ok! But you have to focus on yourself. Firstly, stop speaking to yourself this way - you're not disgusting, you created a human being and it does take a toll on our body! This is an incredible feat one you need to thank your body for, not berate it for not looking the way you want it too!
Secondly, it is not your husbands fault that you've gained weight. You're in charge of what goes in to your mouth, healthy people never credit their spouses with how thin they are and this tactic is only a deflection of some hard truths we don't want to face. You also have to remember that you cannot and should not try to change him or control what he eats either. Cook together. Make compromises. Take a bit of extra salad and only a small portion of the Mac n cheese. Request your portion of meat be grilled not fried. Ask him if he could please put the butter only on his portion, not yours!
It might be helpful for the 2 of you to sit down and make a weekly meal plan so that all your dietary needs (yours and his) are met throughout the week.
My husband and I both cook, mostly me though. If I make something he thinks is too heavy he will opt for a salad instead. I'm fine with that, you should do it too, you choose what goes in.
And hang in there, being a new mom is super tough! I'm with freelance, avoid the passive aggressive tactics and just mind your own food business.
Most people don't seem to be able to do it, for all sorts of reasons, but I just prepared my own meals.
The rest of the family ate theirs. What went in my mouth was no business of theirs and I had no right telling them what to eat either. It worked well for the weightloss. Less so for the marriage. But that is another story...
Life is about choices! Some are easier than others.
What you have here is a chain of events that you THINK! are beyond your control.
However, that is not the truth!
Grab your big girl britches, put your foot down, and do the things you know are right!
My hubby did not like this shift either, but he's still hanging around bugging me!
The positive is this, I have grandkids! And I can a do all kinds of cool stuff! Snow angels, somersaults, drag the wagon through the pumpkin patch, ONE push up with 50 pounds of grandkids on my back! That was tough! LOL.
THing is the only way you are going to get what you want, is you have to do it!
Thank you so much for all your kind and useful replies!
I forgot to mention my hubby is working at home so we hardly get alone time, needless to say to eat healthy while he is not around would be not very often.
But after reading the advice I think I can somehow make it work, I am feeling a lot more hopeful now even though I don't really have a plan yet, I have found many tools around here, the fitness journal makes sense to keep track of what I eat and start thinking twice about what I pick here and there.
I'm so sorry about that, love. It can be really hard to find comfort with yourself when you're willing to change but conditions make it difficult.
First of all, I'd try not to blame your family in any way. It's an unnecessary toxic thought which can get in the way of your relationship with them without it needing to be an obstacle. Your child was definitely worth that fat, and your husband has his own habits which should be respected as he should be loved unconditionally.
What happened with my family was that I was the only one to get into the healthy vibe. I started off small, and after a few months, when I was going pretty strong, they started joining in, too. It took them awhile to realize it wasn't a phase, longer to see some results, and even longer to consider changing their own habits. I was doing so well that they started telling me they felt ashamed to get so much junk food. They're not being nearly as radical as I am, but I had to deal with their lack of support and incredulity for awhile even though I was bothered by our different lifestyles.
Perhaps that's something you could try! Start eating well yourself, have him make/make him his usual meals. This is your journey, your thing. Hopefully, he'll follow along, but if he doesn't, you keep it up! This is for you to be healthier and comfortable in your body, so don't forget that!
Also, I started off with only nutrition myself. I was able to make some progress just by ditching the crazy junk food. Maybe you could go for walks as a cardio exercise or do some resistance training at home! There's also lots of great videos on YouTube with exercises that don't require any equipment, so if you separate 30min-1hr and maybe start off with 3x per week, that's already great!
A few other things to keep in mind. You don't have to change it ALL, today!
Small steps do add up! For instance, if you are currently using whole milk, start mixing it with 2% for awhile, and then, mix that with 1%, and then the ff version. The family will get used to it.
I actually am a fan of real butter, in "SMALL" doses. Margarine is like one molecule away from being plastic. YUK.
Small steps do work, I know it takes time, but I married the ultimate bad eating guy! His Mom fried hamburgers in Crisco! He liked SPAM! GAG! And when we got married the only veg he would eat was green beans.
Through a series of small changes, he now asks me for a salad! *faints* And he has tried a lot of other veggies, that I adore. Some he will eat, some not so much, but it's progress! He did not like steak, because his mother fried into something that could be boot soles. Now, he is the medium rare grill king!
He has even come to prefer, my homemade ranch dressing with lowfat buttermilk, and 0 fat greek yogurt, and fresh chives, garlic and my dried green onion.
Have patience, with yourself, your family and the process, one small step at a time, don't forget to give some latitude now and then, but get right back on the horse. It's a "lifestyle"! Not a death sentence of iceburg lettuce and tuna.
When we choose to do the good things around 85 to 90% of the time, we can have cake, or a drink, or a buttered grilled cheddar, and skip one workout, knowing that , we're getting right back to it!
It's not about totally denying yourself any fun ever! But about finding balance!
desperate, exhausted, resentful and no support
