So a few years ago I lost 60 lbs. But I have now gained a lot of it back. I am not motivated and I know it... I can't lose until I get that motivation back. I am kind of just working out why I can't get it back.
1. Despite what my body should be losing.. it doesn't work that way. I have had my metabolism tested (and it says it is fine) but I don't lose unless I eat very little. I suspect that to lose 1 lb I need to have a defecit of about 3900 cals. So to lose weight, I have to work harder than most people. Working out, frankly seems to do nothing.
2. Typically and perhaps this is the above.. I get to a lowish weight --but not goal - and all weight loss stops. It can be 160 or 155 but never actually down to about 120. Which is probably where I need to be.
3. Losing weight did NOTHING for my health. Cholesterol...same... knee issues... same.
4. Losing weight did NOTHING for my ability to fit into clothing. I must have a bizzare shape but, mostly I had the same problems but at a smaller size. I found parts of my body maintained the same shape... and I fear I will need surgery to change them.
5. Losing weight did nothing for my popularity... I didn't get anymore job offers, no more interest from guys, nothing really.. honestly it seemed to make things worse as most social obligations revolve around food.
6. To maintain I need to eat what most people would consider a diet. In the end... that is flat out unsustainable. Life intervenes and you cannot be on guard all the time.
These aren't excuses... they are reality. I can't get motivated because my life currently has certain requirements and I can't see any sustainable way out. So I wonder why should I bother anymore at all.
Most of my life has been devoted to weight loss.. but never have I actually achieved it. If just once.. I could get to my goal weight... maybe it would be different but I NEVER make it. Not even close.. you start to wonder if it isn't time to just accept who you are and try to just keep your weight reasonable.
Do not go for the thyroid... it is normal... but if you have anything to say... let me know.
Your post kind of reminds me of how I felt a couple of years ago. Severe yo-yo dieting had messed with my metabolism and my weight loss was inconsistent, even if I was doing the right thing. But when I stuck to my plan long-term, the weight came off. You've mentioned that you've lost a significant amount of weight before, and that you don't have any medical issues that would preclude you losing weight. I suspect that if you pick a healthy plan and exercise program, you would eventually start losing, even if it's a little wonky at first! It's all about commitment. If you REALLY want to be healthy and lose weight, you have to get in a mindset of sticking to your plan no matter what the scale says. If I didn't drop another ounce, I would never go back to my old way of eating/living. I know it's better for my body to eat and live this way. But you have to find your own motivation. Good luck!
You say "These aren't excuses... they are reality." No, they are not reality. In fact, we get many posts around here of the "I lost weight but gained it all back and it's all my fault" variety. But this may be the least realistic list of reality I can remember. You have spun a web of untruths here that are holding you hostage for lack of a better term. I'll try to point these out in your post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma4545
So a few years ago I lost 60 lbs. But I have now gained a lot of it back. I am not motivated and I know it... I can't lose until I get that motivation back. I am kind of just working out why I can't get it back. You're relying on motivation to fuel your will to move forward but Motivation is the least dependable source of fuel I can think of. You can have it all morning and then suddenly when hunger strikes (when you need it the most) it's gone. Our daily lives are ruled by routine and sustainability. Not by willpower, motivation, self control. Just google "why motivation doesn't work" or "why willpower doesn't work" and you might find some motivatioto move forward without the need to have consistant bursts of energy and epiphanies.
1. Despite what my body should be losing.. it doesn't work that way. I have had my metabolism tested (and it says it is fine) but I don't lose unless I eat very little. I suspect that to lose 1 lb I need to have a defecit of about 3900 cals. So to lose weight, I have to work harder than most people. Working out, frankly seems to do nothing. If we're talking about reality, this one takes the cake. Your body cannot defy the laws of nature. There is not a science lab in the world that will confirm that 1lb=3900cal. You're trying to convince us that your body is SO broken that you don't even believe a doctor when she tells you it's fine.It is possible that you can convince yourself of this, but this bares no resemblance to reality.
2. Typically and perhaps this is the above.. I get to a lowish weight --but not goal - and all weight loss stops. It can be 160 or 155 but never actually down to about 120. Which is probably where I need to be. You may want to look into set point weight, it is possible to change your set point but it takes a certain kind of mental breakthrough to do so. A lot of people struggle with stalls, you're not alone in that. Also, what method are you using to calculate the weight that you should land on?
3. Losing weight did NOTHING for my health. Cholesterol...same... knee issues... same. There is a lot of research to suggest that weight does not affect our health as much as we think it does. There are lots of skinny sick people out there, battling cancer, diabetes, heart disease, alzheimers etc. There are many factors that go into our overall health and the 3 major ones are weight/genetics/nutrition. Just because the weight part gets fixed does not mean the other 2 can't come into play.
4. Losing weight did NOTHING for my ability to fit into clothing. I must have a bizzare shape but, mostly I had the same problems but at a smaller size. I found parts of my body maintained the same shape... and I fear I will need surgery to change them. What specifically? Sometimes our imagination runs wild with what our body is going to look like post weight loss. I'm a pear shape. It doesn't matter how much weight I lose, I will always carry my weight in my hips and thighs. I don't think that they will go away, my proportions may get a little better but my body will never ever morph into Gisele Bunchen. There's a difference between reality and self condemnation.
5. Losing weight did nothing for my popularity... I didn't get anymore job offers, no more interest from guys, nothing really.. honestly it seemed to make things worse as most social obligations revolve around food. Welcome to the world of "weightloss does not fix your life." Just look at how many skinny beautiful people suffer with divorce, job problems, health problems, relationships etc. It's very easy to get caught up in a fantasy when we're trying to lose weight. You internalize the possibility that losing weight will change your life. But it doesn't, it only changes your body. It doesn't even really change how people see you, they just see less of you, and perhaps they may even like you less if they feel threatened by your weightloss. Weightloss does not solve anyone's problem.
6. To maintain I need to eat what most people would consider a diet. In the end... that is flat out unsustainable. Life intervenes and you cannot be on guard all the time. Visit the maintainance forum. They'll tell you that maintainance is harder than weightloss. Don't single yourself out that you alone struggle with this, we all do. There are ways to live your life sustainably without being on guard all the time but it's going to require a major mental shift for you (for everyone.)
These aren't excuses... they are reality. I can't get motivated because my life currently has certain requirements and I can't see any sustainable way out. So I wonder why should I bother anymore at all.
Most of my life has been devoted to weight loss.. but never have I actually achieved it. If just once.. I could get to my goal weight... maybe it would be different but I NEVER make it. Not even close.. you start to wonder if it isn't time to just accept who you are and try to just keep your weight reasonable.
Do not go for the thyroid... it is normal... but if you have anything to say... let me know.
So your list is full of I can't, I won't, it's not possible, don't talk to me about thyroid, that's a lot of negativity. Eve if motivation was a sustainable resource, it's certainly not going to grow out of such a negative thought process.
I'm sorry for all the harshness, but here's some good news: We've all been there. I've experienced this type of negativity for a long long time. I too had my own version of "reality" and although my list wasn't exactly like yours I held on to it as if it were TRUTH. And it's not, it never was. It was just a shield to protect myself from the actual reality. I stood in my own way, just like you're standing in your own way. I made myself believe that I was the weakest, the fattest, the ugliest, that my body wouldn't respond to normal measures of self betterment. It's a pile of BS.
I'd like to tell you that there is a magic diet that will make things better. But you know there is not, you've probably tried them all. I would not suggest dieting at all. Not just because I follow Intuitive Eating practices, but because diets have obviously failed you. They've destroyed your self esteem and have altered your sense of reality. Things will get better once you start trusting yourself and your body again. You need to nurture yourself a little better, scrap this list and list the things your body does well, the things you love about yourself. List the strengths that you have and look in the mirror and appreciate what you see. Just like a child needs love and attention to grow, so do our bodies and souls. Don't hate your body or your metabolism or your shape. This is the only body you have. Please look into Intuitive Eating.
Last edited by Palestrina; 10-02-2014 at 07:55 AM.
You sounds defeated. I think you need to decide if you want to do this or not. The fact you posted suggests you do, but your post content suggests you don't. Maybe rather than weight as the other poster has said do it for health? For me my main reason to lose weight is to perform better at cycling, and I find that motivates me much more than losing weight for vanity ever did. All I'm saying is you need to find what motivates you, then work out a plan and just go for it. You don't need to lose this weight overnight so if you need a larger deficit to lose weight then maybe just accept it and acknowledge this will be a long journey, but the benefits will come as you go through the journey not only at the end. Enjoy each stage.
I find it difficult to believe that you looked the same and felt the same after losing 60 pounds, at 150 and 210 you felt and looked the same? Possibly some distorted thinking? Maybe talking to a counsellor would help, or a dietitian as your health results should have improved so maybe they could help you make some different changes this time around to get different results.
Good luck, I'm sure you will find something that works for you and also allows you to enjoy your life and celebrate your successes too.
I am so where the OP is at. Lost 60lbs and have slowed gained 20+ back and have been on and off the diet wagon for two years.
WANNABESKINNY - I love what you wrote in response. I so needed to read that tough love today. Your words really hit home for me. Thank you!
Just wanted to post that I think Wannabeskinny is right on point, and like she said, we've all been there.
I've spent the past decade severely restricting, yo-yo dieting, and then getting bigger and bigger as a result. I've done a lot of unhealthy diets (even one where I restricted calorie intake to 500 calories and then gave myself hormone shots). It was all because I wanted to fix my life, but I didn't so much care about what I did to myself in the process. In my mind skinny was just suppose to be better.
Fast forward to now, after many a mental battle (some of which I still have) I'm actually caring about myself. Weight loss is a side effect of eating healthier and exercising, and it's making me feel even better in the process. I'm finally in this for myself though, and I do notice differences, even if they're tiny. No, my blood pressure hasn't changed from when I was at my highest (260), but it was never high to begin with. However, I can confidently say I don't get winded when I walk up my stairs anymore. I can run around playing with my 6 year old for longer than I use to, and I look forward to my energy maybe actually living up to his someday. When I have really good nutrition days (which I do try to make all of them) I notice I have more energy.
What I'm trying to say is the changes don't have to be enormous to be there. Being skinny isn't automatically going to fix everything. Getting healthy will improve your life though, even if it's in a lot of small ways. You need to look for them though, if you throw all the little stuff away because the bigger stuff didn't change, all you'll see is negative. That's the mindset you need to change.
On a little bit of a different note, a large part of the mental change came for me when I finally, after about 15 years of therapy, got medicated for chronic depression. If you're finding yourself completely unable to have positive thoughts, consider going to see a therapist or a counselor for some sessions. I don't recommend jumping into medication right away or anything, but if all you can see is negative, then there's probably something else going on behind the scenes. You'll need to find what works best for you.
There has been a lot of constructive feedback thus fat but I wanted to point out one important point to you Emma.
When you lose weight the problem areas you have are still your problem areas. It's not until you get to vanity lbs where the "problem areas" start going away.
Regarding maintaining a loss most people find that making regular exercise a part of their routine is critical. Even if that exercise is just brisk walking. You need to get your heart rate up.
Finally, there is no question that losing 60 lbs improved your health. Your knees and cholesterol levels are not the only indicators of health.
It's been said many times but a phrase I like is the choose your hard saying.
Being overweight is hard
Losing weight is hard
Maintaining is hard
They've destroyed your self esteem and have altered your sense of reality. Things will get better once you start trusting yourself and your body again. You need to nurture yourself a little better, scrap this list and list the things your body does well, the things you love about yourself. List the strengths that you have and look in the mirror and appreciate what you see. Just like a child needs love and attention to grow, so do our bodies and souls. Don't hate your body or your metabolism or your shape. This is the only body you have. Please look into Intuitive Eating.
Oh I forgot you people are just ridiculous. What was I thinking?
I'm not sure what you wanted to hear, but there were lots of supportive post here. Hard to hear, yes, rediculous no. I hope you find something that works for you
Ok, I'm ridiculous. That's totally fine by me. I had to go to ridiculous lengths to gain my health back and I won't deny it. If being positive and making peace with food and appreciating my body is ridiculous then so be it. I'd rather be ridiculous than miserable and delusional. And rude.
The mystery of why weightloss didn't help your popularity is solved.
Yes, I was just going to add something along those lines. I don't think your perceived lack of popularity was related to the way you look, but likely your attitude. Positivity attracts; negativity repels. Some food for thought.
Oh I forgot you people are just ridiculous. What was I thinking?
If you think having a positive image of yourself, or striving to attain a positive image of yourself is ridiculous, then I would strongly encourage you to see a therapist or a counselor. There are usually free options in areas if money is an issue. Negative thought processes generally have bad outcomes when it comes to one's health and relationships, that in turn creates more negative thoughts. It's a horrible cycle and a very difficult one to get out of (speaking from personal experience). There is help out there though.
To truly commit to something, your mind definitely needs to be there first, in a good way.. not by telling you that you can't at every turn.
Get me out of my funk
