Hello everyone, I guess I'm writing this because I need some of your wonderful support!
I have just come to the realization that my excess weight and my failure to fully commit to losing it represents my inability to move on... not only to achieve what I truly want in life, but also to leave a long term relationship that is no longer working. This may be an obvious connection for some, but it has really just hit me now! I feel as though I'm desperately holding on to the weight, halting the momentum I had with my weight loss because moving closer to my goal not only equals freedom, but it also means facing the painful truth that I must move on from my partner of 4 years (who deals with debilitating glaucoma pain and relies heavily on me for support). I have been devoted to being that support, but despite trying to work on it, there are much deeper emotional/personality issues that persist in our relationship to the point where it is no longer healthy or positive.
Stubbornly clinging on to the weight, and binge eating / subconsciously sabotaging the progress I have even achieved so far represents the deeper fear I have of letting go. Of realizing that I have to hurt someone I still care for deeply and who relies on me in order to move on with my life. I know I also carry guilt for even considering breaking up, and all of it is manifesting in my difficulties with getting back on track with my weight loss. Facing so much pain and change all at once is extremely daunting - but I know in my heart it is the only path forward.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this... I am so grateful for any responses or advice you may have!!
Love to all x x