[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by flower123

I think there are many truths. eg some people agreeing that desperation is a poor motivator. Others agreeing it is not. I think there are different truths and realities for different people.

Impalahorder the relationship with food, as you describe it, reminds me so much of myself. Yoyo. Compulsive eating and dieting, when I could get into the groove of the dieting.

For me the issues with food was, and honestly remains exhausting. I am not doing the food restricting now. But I will say that it did ruin my physical health. That along with anxiety. But the unhealthy restricting did cause harm. So I do know what you are saying.

I know that the best route for me would have been OA or to seek the help of someone who can slowly assist me ( teamwork) in finding healthy power relating to my relationship with food and the issues that surround it. Honestly, I cannot do OA. I am too shame based to deal with the steps. I feel for you and your struggle, as i interperted it. Eating for health is so difficult for me. And dieting in a healthful way has often been illusive. For me it has been exhausting. I hate to see anyone go through that

Glad you are going to be talking with your doctor about it. I hope you can get the help you deserve to begin the healing both sides of that coin.

Come join is on the intuitive eating threads. We seek to stop the diet mentality from harming us further, learning self acceptance and mending out tortured relationship with food.

[seagirl]

I would start with a visit to a therapist.

[2salads]

To those of you who have trouble making and maintaining friendships. For all of my issues at home I have several friends who are a great blessings. Would it be out of the realm to make yourself a blessing for someone else? By this I mean join some sort of charitable organization that would require your presence? Or volunteering somewhere? We often get so stick in our own heads that we fail to remember that their are people and animals out there suffering everyday. How many people are going to look at you with disgust if you are feeding them a meal or if you are in the kitchen prepping meals or wielding hammer or reading them a story? Or what about being a big brother or sister? These people are not going to judge you. You can make friends with people and feel good about yourself doing it. Just a thought.

[kurisitaru]

2salads: I think volunteering can be good for a lot of reasons. It also gets you out of your normal routine, gives you an opportunity to learn more things, and sometimes even gives you skills for a job. I think that's a nice suggestion.

I use to volunteer at a kitty shelter. After doing my chores for the day, I would go in the "Tom" room, which was for all the cats with an illness that lowered their immune system. They didn't get a lot of visitors. I would sit in the middle of the floor and a one would always jump in my lap to say hello. My favorite cat was "Licorice." He had cancer, lost an ear, and loved to be with people. He was usually hiding from the other cats and when I came in he would plop down in my lap and just purr. He died about 2 years ago in the shelter, it was pretty sad. I stopped volunteering there.

I now do something called "Volunteer Income Tax Assistance" or "VITA." It's basically just preparing low income taxes for free. Some people are cool about it and just appreciate the free preparation, and then some... some get upset that they got more money last year, or that their friend got more money, or something. That's the problem with money I guess. Being upset is one thing and those people I could easily calm down or explain situations, but some of them... well... they take it too far. Some volunteers get a little battered or threatened. Good news, it doesn't happen that often.

I've also done river clean ups, tree planting, breast cancer race clean ups, fundraisers for a battered woman's shelter, summer reading programs, and others. I think it wasn't the best way to make friends though, most of them are 1 day deals and most people do them with school, family, or friends. People get pretty segregated into their own groups. I'm sure if you did long term volunteering it might be better, but a great way to make new friends is Meetup.com, school, or events that are in towns geared towards meeting new people. Where people go there with the intention of making a new friends. It makes it easier to socialize when other people are just the same as you, especially if you have small anxiety.

[Alicat27]

Thank you for your honesty. I understand completely. Lately I have come to the conclusion that I do NOT have to be ashamed because I'm fat. Or because of any mistakes I have made in past. Finally, I forgave myself for my mistakes and decided that even if I stay exactly how I am it's okay. About a week after that very freeing revelation, I found out that I have high blood pressure and my doctor said lose weight or he would prescribe meds. I joined Weight Watchers online the next day and discovered this forum. Whereas I would, in past, diet like crazy, losing 60 or so pounds as fast as possible until I gave up (then gain them back) this time I have surrendered to the reality that my inner 3-year-old can no longer be in charge of my eating. Whine all she wants, I have to ignore her and be the adult. Because I just returned to WW I'm still in the honeymoon stage, but this time it's different. I have accepted that this is my new life, and I may as well embrace it. I refuse to let myself think about losing fast, or how good I'll look. I just change the subject back to one day at a time. One of the 3FC posters said "Change happens when the fear of staying the same is greater than the fear of changing". I'm there. Good luck, sweetheart, we're in this for the long haul. Alice

[2salads]

Originally Posted by kurisitaru

2salads: I think volunteering can be good for a lot of reasons. It also gets you out of your normal routine, gives you an opportunity to learn more things, and sometimes even gives you skills for a job. I think that's a nice suggestion.

I use to volunteer at a kitty shelter. After doing my chores for the day, I would go in the "Tom" room, which was for all the cats with an illness that lowered their immune system. They didn't get a lot of visitors. I would sit in the middle of the floor and a one would always jump in my lap to say hello. My favorite cat was "Licorice." He had cancer, lost an ear, and loved to be with people. He was usually hiding from the other cats and when I came in he would plop down in my lap and just purr. He died about 2 years ago in the shelter, it was pretty sad. I stopped volunteering there.

I now do something called "Volunteer Income Tax Assistance" or "VITA." It's basically just preparing low income taxes for free. Some people are cool about it and just appreciate the free preparation, and then some... some get upset that they got more money last year, or that their friend got more money, or something. That's the problem with money I guess. Being upset is one thing and those people I could easily calm down or explain situations, but some of them... well... they take it too far. Some volunteers get a little battered or threatened. Good news, it doesn't happen that often.

I've also done river clean ups, tree planting, breast cancer race clean ups, fundraisers for a battered woman's shelter, summer reading programs, and others. I think it wasn't the best way to make friends though, most of them are 1 day deals and most people do them with school, family, or friends. People get pretty segregated into their own groups. I'm sure if you did long term volunteering it might be better, but a great way to make new friends is Meetup.com, school, or events that are in towns geared towards meeting new people. Where people go there with the intention of making a new friends. It makes it easier to socialize when other people are just the same as you, especially if you have small anxiety.

Yes I was thinking long term volunteering: shelters, soup kitchens, hospitals, Habitat for Humanity, Red Cross, your town's local conservation club, Audubon etc etc

I love that you volunteer so much. I don't know if I could deal with issues over money. Touchy subject.

[2salads]

"accepting themselves at 250, will most likely mean they will remain at 250."

I think that people get confused between acceptance and resignation. Accepting yourself at 250 is not the same as resigning yourself to 250. Resignation will keep you at 250 for sure. Accepting yourself at 250 empowers you to move forward. (I hope LOL)

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by 2salads

I think that people get confused between acceptance and resignation. Accepting yourself at 250 is not the same as resigning yourself to 250. Resignation will keep you at 250 for sure. Accepting yourself at 250 empowers you to move forward. (I hope LOL)

The real problem with thinking that someone who accepts themselves at 250 will stay at 250 is that it created conditional self love. If we say to ourselves "I'll only love you if..." Then it's not real love because once those conditions are met then more will appear. How many people hold on to some magical weight number that they think will provide happiness? How many people lose all the weight and find out that it didn't provide the happiness they were certain it would? If perfect weight and perfect bodies provided happiness then thin people wouldn't get divorces, they wouldn't get cancer, they wouldn't lose their jobs, they wouldn't fall out with their sisters and they wouldn't be addicted to alcohol. Not loving ourselves at any weight is immature and a sign of low self esteem, and very little if anything can be accomplished with low self esteem and lack of maturity.

[2salads]

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny

The real problem with thinking that someone who accepts themselves at 250 will stay at 250 is that it created conditional self love. If we say to ourselves "I'll only love you if..." Then it's not real love because once those conditions are met then more will appear. How many people hold on to some magical weight number that they think will provide happiness? How many people lose all the weight and find out that it didn't provide the happiness they were certain it would? If perfect weight and perfect bodies provided happiness then thin people wouldn't get divorces, they wouldn't get cancer, they wouldn't lose their jobs, they wouldn't fall out with their sisters and they wouldn't be addicted to alcohol. Not loving ourselves at any weight is immature and a sign of low self esteem, and very little if anything can be accomplished with low self esteem and lack of maturity.

I agree with this. I just think that some people who think that once you have accepted your weight you will see no reason to lose it. Being overweight or obese has effects many things. While there are many reasons to lose weight we almost always talk about the vanity and lust for approval aspect. Don't let vanity stop you from doing the things you love. For instance if someone brings up that they get winded exercising we might say to change their routine or power through it because it gets easier. But if someone says "I hate how I look in a bathing suit" We say love yourself! To heck with what other people think." If someone says "I wish I had a better education" We say " oh you have so many options!" We DON'T say "To heck with what other people think." It is natural to want the approval of other people. What is not natural is the intense focus that overweight people put on themselves to "solve the problem" of their weight as the "master key" to their happiness. A person with no body image issues still feels the pressure of society, it is just intently focused elsewhere and if they were to gain weight by some happenstance all their attention would shift to their weight as the "source" of their problems.

[CanadianMomma]

ImpalaHoarder I just wanted to pipe up and tell you I've been where you are, almost in the same body (we have very similar stats). I spent most of my teenager years and early twenties despising my body and every negative aspect of my life I thought it was responsible for.

I know for me weight loss only started to happen when I grew more comfortable with myself. For myself personally I found reading endless material to do with our modern food cultures made me realize my body, as it was, was mostly just a product of our times rather than a product of my own deficiencies.

Since you are starting college soon, you will find life will start to change in many ways, look around you and realize how many other people struggle with their weight, or how many other people don't let their weight limit them. Like a pp mentioned, it's all based on your perspective.

I feel for you, you're post brought me right back to where I was 10 years ago (god I feel old now). Just know that you aren't stuck in that body, you can make lifestyle changes that lead to one you feel happier with. I'm casting my vote for self acceptance being the start of the path that will lead you there.

Pattience, to each their own, but please stop bringing up your personal judgements you piece together from contribution other posters make on the forum. I've seen you do it in another thread as well. I don't believe it is in line with the support model this forum is based on. How would it make that other poster feel to stumble on your comment and realize you were talking about him/her and had cast such a negative judgment on them when they thought they were sharing their thoughts/actions in a safe place?