Originally Posted by ametallichick
I am about 12 lbs short of 300. This is the heaviest I've ever been. I have controlled HBP, my legs hurt, my back hurts. My boobs are ridiculous! I was a thin child and young adult. I didn't start gaining weight until I was in my mid-twenties. I'm so sick of being fat! I know everything to do as far as eating/working out to lose weight. But, why can I NOT get my brain to go there?
I've had short term success with weight loss but always gained it back. What is my rock bottom? I have a great husband. Two great kids. WTF??? And, I turn 50 in October.
I think we've all felt that way. Some will say they had to hit rock bottom, others say they woke up one day with a resolute mindset, etc. For me, I woke up one day and was tired and exhausted from the numbers game. I was tired of counting calories, tracking exercise, calories in and out, pounds up and down, writing down everything I ate, monitoring myself like I was my own prisoner, hating myself for the bad choices. It took a great deal of self reflection but I finally had to start being honest with myself. I asked myself some crucial questions.
"What do I really want to accomplish here?" - I want to stop binging, and stop feeling out of control around food. I want to stop emotional eating. I want to not have an eating disorder anymore.
"What kind of eater do I want to become eventually?" - I want to be a normal eater, I don't want to be afraid of food or be a lifelong dieter, I want to be able to practice moderation and eat a varied and inclusive diet of food.
"How do I want to handle my hunger?" - I want to learn to feel real hunger and learn to trust my hunger rather than be afraid of it or throw things at it to make it go away.
"What role will exercise play in my life?" - I want exercise to be a daily part of my life, not because of weightloss but because I enjoy it and it makes me feel good. I don't need to win contests, push myself into injury causing behaviors or hate myself for skipping a day.
Once I was able to answer these questions truthfully the answers became clear and so since I've picked up intuitive eating and practicing moderation. I've also sought out counceling for my eating disorder and that has helped immensely.