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Old 06-08-2014, 06:24 AM   #1
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Unhappy Feeling discouraged...

I was at the club tonight and couldn't help but notice how much thinner than me all the other women were. Made me really self conscious and embarrassed. I tried to look at it as inspiration, like "Give it time and work and you'll look like that, too." But that got me to thinking and realizing that I can't remember a time when I've ever been comfortable in my body. I've always been overweight, and so have my parents. It terrifies me to think that, no matter what I do, nothing short of surgery or starvation will work. I've tried so many things, ever since I was a kid. Why should it turn out differently now? Isn't that the definition of insanity?
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Old 06-08-2014, 06:52 AM   #2
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For me it seems like the whole world around is thinner than me!!(( i have the big folder of skinny girls in my computer. I often look through the photos and dream to have the same body. It is some sort of inspiration and motivation for me! you should not lose your hope!! Impossible is nothing! You need to rty everything before say "everything is useless". Be strong and believe in your victory over weight! Come for support to me any time you need it! I will help you with pleasure! may the forse be with you! have a nice day;-)
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Old 06-08-2014, 07:37 AM   #3
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We do not choose our body shape or height that is something we need to accept, but what is within our control is being fit or overweight.

Keep eating in a healthy way and reduce your calorie within a reasonable amount do some exercise and you will get to the best you can be.

Dont base your expectations on what other people look like but focus on how you can be. I am probably much older than you, but Im a short woman and pear shape, I wished that I would be tall and have long legs but it will never happen. Instead I make the best of what I have, I try to stay within a weight where I feel good. A big part in accepting my body is by dressing the part, certain cloth even if they look great on taller people with no hip will make me look disproportionate and make me dislike my curves, but put a dark pallazo and a fitted light top and I look tall and darn good.

All this to say that weight is only one part of the equation, clothing, haircut and self confidence do the rest.

Good luck
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Old 06-08-2014, 07:41 AM   #4
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Just remember that the skinny girls want to be skinnier too! It's all a matter of perspective.

I know the feeling though. I try my best not to measure myself against other people. Everyone is unique (cliche I know) and you have to rock what you have!
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Old 06-08-2014, 10:15 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EddieD View Post
I was at the club tonight and couldn't help but notice how much thinner than me all the other women were. Made me really self conscious and embarrassed. I tried to look at it as inspiration, like "Give it time and work and you'll look like that, too." But that got me to thinking and realizing that I can't remember a time when I've ever been comfortable in my body. I've always been overweight, and so have my parents. It terrifies me to think that, no matter what I do, nothing short of surgery or starvation will work. I've tried so many things, ever since I was a kid. Why should it turn out differently now? Isn't that the definition of insanity?
That is so not true. In order to believe this you must think that thin girls are starving themselves in order to look like that. That's a distorted view of yourself and how you relate to the world. This was true for me too, when I first went to see my nutritional therapist she asked me some questions about how I viewed the way others looked and ate. Long story short, I told her that thin people really did not eat, they only pretended to eat in public and starved themselves in private. I can't believe I actually believed that.

Something very helpful to me was to look in the mirror daily and say kind things to myself. At first this feels very unnatural and it feels like a lie. I was very used to looking in the mirror and saying terrible things to my reflection. It was always "ugh, I'm so fat, ugh, my thighs are full of cellulite, look at the bulges, it's so disgusting." Saying those things every day made looking in the mirror very painful and it distorted my view of what I looked like. Those were all opinions, insults I was hurling at myself, it's not reality. So yes at first saying kind things like "my legs are strong" and "my skin is beautiful" felt very unnatural, almost comical. Then I started working on those negative thoughts, I imagined myself with a baseball bat and every time the negative thougths came to my mind I would swing the bat "NO, my thighs are NOT fat!" "NO, I'm NOT shaped like tub of lard, I'm shaped like a WOMAN!"

It only took a couple of months I swear to you, but the negative thoughts hardly ever come up anymore, and when they do I swing the bat. Now when I unexpectedly see my reflection in a store window my instinct says "wow, sexy mamma, look at those curves!!" I kid you not, I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't experience this first hand. It IS possible to think of yourself beautiful, you just have to attack those negative thoughts that are like a disease taking over your mind, it's not reality.
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Old 06-08-2014, 10:19 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gingerjv View Post
For me it seems like the whole world around is thinner than me!!(( i have the big folder of skinny girls in my computer. I often look through the photos and dream to have the same body. It is some sort of inspiration and motivation for me!
I used to do this, and then I realized that it was more of a demotivator than a motivator. All those pictures and magazines made me feel like I was never going to live up to it. I had all the inspirations boards and pictures tacked to my wall and everything. It ended up just being a constant comparison, something I couldn't live up to. I let go of all those external factors and looked inward to find my true sense of self-love, it's not on the outside and it's not in a picture of someone thinner than me.

My perception is so different now. I used to read Women's Health magazine, loved it! Now I read the magazine and I'm disgusted by it. Miranda Lambert is on the cover of the current issue and it says "Slim and Happy!" What, she wasn't happy when she wasn't slim? She used to heavier, but still much much thinner than me. If she wasn't happy then how will I be happy if I get down to her fat weight? It's all a lot of hype, a lot of noise that blurs what we feel on the inside, telling us what we should aspire to rather than being kind and gentle to ourselves.
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Old 06-08-2014, 11:35 AM   #7
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I try REALLY hard not to go down that particular road, because it has no end. Not only can I always find someone thinner, but I can always find someone younger, richer, prettier, smarter, faster...you get the point.

When you look at thinner women and wish you could trade with them, what would you say if a genie appeared and said " I can grant that wish, but you have to live their entire life. " And you don't get to know what their life is like, but you can't change your mind if you don't like it.

What would your answer be?

I imagine you might ponder long and hard what kind of life they could've had before you said yes.

Maybe when they come home from the club, they come home to an abusive parent or partner. Maybe they're thin because they're anorexic. Maybe they've been through any of a number of really tough things, because life spares no one.

It's hard to reduce a person to just a body when you learn who they are. You're more than just a body too. Learn who you are. Because if you've never really been comfortable within yourself, then being thin isn't going to change that.

I understand your concern about whether it's futile to try to lose weight when you've been trying since you were a kid. I'm 41 and I've been trying since I was 12. I asked that same question " What's going to be different? " before I started again.

That's exactly the question you want to ask of yourself.

Why?

Because although we may have tried a lot of things, we have not tried EVERYTHING. There has to be something we can do differently this time. For some people it may take more involved measures like weight loss surgery, but everyone can lose weight and maintain it. The question is what are you willing to do to make it happen?

My best advice would be to look up the National Weight Control Registry online. This is a scientific study of people who've lost significant amounts of weight and kept it off for years. They're inspiration that won't hurt your self-esteem.

Good luck! You can do it!!
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Old 06-08-2014, 10:24 PM   #8
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Thanks so much for the replies. I read every word, and I realized that this time it's going to be different, because this time my reason for doing it is different. It's not just about feeling better about myself, it's also about being a better performer. This time if I don't make a change, it's not just my confidence that will suffer, it's my dream. And I'm not giving up on my dream.

Thanks for the support, everyone!
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