[Pattience]

As someone who's had depression issues through out life, i can only say that i would not want to be married to someone with depression - i.e. i wouldn't want to be married to me when i'm depressed. Its just a tough time for all concerned. The partners can't do much. Its not easy being supportive when the sick person can't seem to do anything for themselves.

I think if you can just look at the whole period of being one of illness rather than letting yourself go, it might be easier to be more forgiving. And if you can transfer this idea to your husband too, he might also be more forgiving of you if indeed it is an issue at all.

I mean when depressed, you have no motivation, everything is flat and uninteresting. A lot of us get irritable others get teary all the time. We are just no fun to be with and on top of that a lot of us tend to get fat. We don't want to do anything, let along stuff like housework.

Its an illness, not a lifestyle choice. And getting over it is not easy either but once we start to recover, things to tend to follow an upward trend pretty steadily unless you've got pressures and stuff that haven't been dealt with.

I don't know if you've been seeing a therapist or counsellor but maybe its not a bad idea to get some extra support and insight.

And perhaps instead of trying to interpret your husbands behaviour to the point of thinking you know what he feels etc, isn't it more helpful to focus on the good things he says and does and particularly the fact that he's still there.

I once destroyed a relationship because i was so fearful of what he might be thinking and feeling and in doing that i gave more weight to my projected ideas than the facts of his behaviour.

People do stuff. We don't always know why. Trying to guess at their motivations doesn't really help because we are so often wrong.

[Pattience]

Maybe it wasn't the synthroid. Maybe it was perimenopause. Or dieting... I wanted to figure it out. But... I quit the diet and the synthroid and I still don't know which caused it, but sexual function came back to normal.

Does this mean you weren't taking antidepressants either? Antidepressants are quite well known for suppressing sexual sensation even in women. But some seem to be worse than others. I've not experienced but i have heard plenty of others say it affects them.

[apo9]

I am sorry,I posted before your response.
I understand the reason for stopping the meds now.
I have never heard of thyroid affecting sexual functions before,but know that all antidepressant meds except wellbutrin will do so.
That is one of the troubling side effects of SSRI antidepressants.

[berryblondeboys]

No, I wasn't taking antidepressants, but the same thing happened to me years ago when I was temporarily taking them (the last time I was seriously depressed about 15 years ago).

[berryblondeboys]

as a side note to the whole conversation. When I told my first doctor the problems I was having sexually, after 6 months of things getting worse instead of better, he was rather dismissive. I still have to wonder... would a man react to another man in the same way if he said he couldn't reach orgasm?

I mean... imagine a man having desire, having ability to have sex, but not being able to climax. I highly doubt he would have gotten the whole "Just wait and see if it gets better" like I did.

My endocrinologist I think was embarrassed to talk about it with me... HELLO??? You're a doctor. We are human beings. You are married. I am married - SEX HAPPENS! So frustrating in so many ways.

But this a tangent to the whole conversation.

Irony is - I can reach orgasm now, but now we aren't having sex.

[apo9]

I think you have lost a love for yourself.I had a decrease in sexual satisfaction at menopause and had to resort other mechanisms of sexual satisfaction with the approval of my partner.As he said..a relationship is more than just sex and was able to accept things as they were.WE still have sex but it does not always climax in the book fashion and we still love each other.Perhaps you and your husband can accept this and as you lose weight and feel more sexy and attractive you can reignite the spark and get back to a better sexual relationship.Not every encounter will hit the bullseye but good luck trying

[Pattience]

I think your doctors just aren't comfortable discussing the topic. Find someone who is eg a sex therapist? or a psychological therapist. They are trained to be comfortable with it.

[berryblondeboys]

Originally Posted by apo9

I think you have lost a love for yourself.I had a decrease in sexual satisfaction at menopause and had to resort other mechanisms of sexual satisfaction with the approval of my partner.As he said..a relationship is more than just sex and was able to accept things as they were.WE still have sex but it does not always climax in the book fashion and we still love each other.Perhaps you and your husband can accept this and as you lose weight and feel more sexy and attractive you can reignite the spark and get back to a better sexual relationship.Not every encounter will hit the bullseye but good luck trying

Well, the problem started when I was at a high in "self-love" if that makes sense. It has nothing to do with how I feel about my body, I felt really good about myself and body when I was having these problems. It was a terrible irony.

Right now, it's not happening period and probably won't until we feel better about each other.

[pixelllate]

Originally Posted by berryblondeboys

This is an especially sensitive spot for me because I was valued for how I look as a child. I was very cute. I was very pretty. I lost a lot of "love" as a teen when I wasn't super thin any more. I felt HUGE... when really I had maybe 10-15 extra pounds on me. Didnt' matter, all positive attention switched to my sister who was still "perfect" looking.

I know I got further and more "help" because I was attractive. It wasn't the only reason, but being attractive is a definite advantage in the world. So... I get a little freaked out if I feel that's all people value in me - how I look. And I tend to jump to the "they are mad because of how I look" versus, they are upset because I'm not taking care of myself.

I grew up the same way - felt like a waste of face for not having the ideal body to match with said face. Its a different pressure from being hte "ugly" one - more like the "lost potential" one. What helps me a bit is reminding myself that on a day to day basis, hyperfocusing on anyone's looks is something most people don't bother to do. My family invested (too much) time obsessing over it, and most people regard each other as neighbors, coworkers, etc, just like how I view others. Its not a primary concern to what degree of prettiness I have achieved. It sounds goofy to even admit that this is a complex of mine, but I definitely feel an instinctual feeling that I am somehow constantly faced with a panel of beauty pageant judges, when thats really not the case. Anyways, no matter how this ended up manifesting in our feelings as adults (might have affected each of us differently), I'm glad that we acknowledge it and at least try to work through it. I know some who have pushed it so far in the back of their minds or won't admit to the past and it sounds like a tough thing to never mention - like the purple elephant in the room.

[berryblondeboys]

Originally Posted by pixelllate

I grew up the same way - felt like a waste of face for not having the ideal body to match with said face. Its a different pressure from being hte "ugly" one - more like the "lost potential" one. What helps me a bit is reminding myself that on a day to day basis, hyperfocusing on anyone's looks is something most people don't bother to do. My family invested (too much) time obsessing over it, and most people regard each other as neighbors, coworkers, etc, just like how I view others. Its not a primary concern to what degree of prettiness I have achieved. It sounds goofy to even admit that this is a complex of mine, but I definitely feel an instinctual feeling that I am somehow constantly faced with a panel of beauty pageant judges, when thats really not the case. Anyways, no matter how this ended up manifesting in our feelings as adults (might have affected each of us differently), I'm glad that we acknowledge it and at least try to work through it. I know some who have pushed it so far in the back of their minds or won't admit to the past and it sounds like a tough thing to never mention - like the purple elephant in the room.

Another thing "strange" about the whole complex I have is that I always hate the attention I got for my looks/body. HATED IT. I always felt that it didn't matter what I said or did... it was all in how I looked that was important. Well, there was more... I was the "perfect" child - good student, smart, good at a lot of things. But, I was really 'mediocre' as far everything goes, but for my famiy, I was the star. And I tried to live up to that. I tried to be so darn perfect... But, looks were #1.

My sister, wasn't very talented in anything, was a very poor student and struggled with school, but she was pretty. More, she was sexy. She had "bedroom eyes". I was more the "classic, pretty girl next door" while she was more of the bombshell.

She LOVED the attention people lavished on her for how she looked. She still does and she flaunts it. Her temperment fit with being that girl.

My temperment wanted to hide from that attention. And I became extremely sensitive about it. Too much so.

Took me to an adult to even admit I was a pretty girl and it still feels weird to say it!

[LovelyDisaster]

I know I'm very young to be trying to give advise to you but I am married and come from a family where my parents had it rough for awhile when my mom was depressed, but now they are stronger than ever.

I don't know what your faith is but my parents watched the movie Fireproof and said it really snapped them back into reality. My husband and I watched it together and cried like babies but our hearts swelled with love for each other. It's very inspiring when it comes to marital issues.

My parents always told me that love wasn't easy because if it was it wouldn't be as precious as it is. It seems to me that you have a great husband but are just struggling to see eye to eye. I really don't know what else to say from there.

I wish you well and hope that with your medication you start to get better and open up to your husband. I also hope he listens and tries to help you. Just keep trying