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"I Don't Ever Want to Reach Goal."

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Old 03-31-2014, 04:50 PM   #16
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Is she the very Negative Nelly (or one of them) in the WL group that also goes out out to eat afterwards, treating the group as more of a social club than a social support group for reaching her goals? (I have some vague memory of your prior posts about some of the group members - correct me if I'm wrong, and disregard this if I have her confused with someone else.)

It's sad and frustrating, but, you know - insert cliche about those who don't want it not being able to receive help. If this is the same person, honestly, I'd be past the point of trying to be helpful or supportive, given how negative she has continually chosen to be. I'd wish her well - but do my best to limit our interactions. I don't think you can win for trying, here.
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Old 03-31-2014, 05:23 PM   #17
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I've been the co-leader for 3 years now (they want me to be leader but I've turned them down), so I definitely have to interact with everyone. It's gotten easier over time and I'm learning to take everything with a grain of salt. I rarely speak with her outside the meetings these days.

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Originally Posted by Desiderata View Post
Is she the very Negative Nelly (or one of them) in the WL group that also goes out out to eat afterwards, treating the group as more of a social club than a social support group for reaching her goals?
She no longer eats out with the rest, but yes . . . you have a good memory. She's chased off a few of our members, and I've been considering moving to a different chapter. But I love most of the ladies there now and do my best to keep things smoothed out between everyone.
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Old 03-31-2014, 06:12 PM   #18
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Well, these are my thoughts today. From where I am standing right now. At a major weight gain relapse. Where I've lost control - again.

I cannot imagine ever being in maintenance like really in maintenance. I see myself losing and gaining the same 10-20 pounds over and over and over again for the rest of my life.

Why? because I simply have a hard time this whole lifestyle change. Heck, right now I would be THRILLED with a 10-20 pound maintenance range versus these HUGE ups and downs I've been doing.

But... with all that said, there is something for the psyche - my psyche that needs a finish line. I don't think I could keep a "just one more pound". "Just one more inch". "Just one mile more" mentality with weight loss and fitness. I can give something 100% for a very long time, but at some point, I need to know that I can say, "this is good enough". Unfortunately, for many that means weight gain as it is tricky to maintain - or so I hear. I've never maintained a low weight in my entire life - ever. And I'm 44 years old.
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Old 03-31-2014, 06:47 PM   #19
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I think this particular person sounds like a toxic presence. I'm all for compassion, understanding that these things can be very complex, making an effort.... but if she's been so persistently negative that it's driven others away, I don't know. I think I remember your past posts because the descriptions of her behavior just seemed so toxic, and I think that sometimes one just has to cut their losses with certain people. It's sad to hear her behavior's made you consider switching groups. That'd be enough for me to consider confronting her directly.

Has anyone ever called her out on it - and I mean bluntly, not necessarily in a polite way? I don't mean to harp on a total stranger, but from what you've shared, I don't think that mulling over her viewpoints or finding new ways to connect with her will lead to something positive. Nothing will. It's really difficult to excise cancerous personalities from group collectives, but sometimes, that's how things need to go. Otherwise, the group itself can fall apart...
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Old 03-31-2014, 07:21 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by berryblondeboys View Post
I've never maintained a low weight in my entire life - ever. And I'm 44 years old.
Melissa, I'm 38 years old and am currently 206 pounds, which is the absolute lowest weight I've ever been since junior high. I spent the majority of my adult life believing I'd never be able to stay under 250 for any amount of time (I was already 250 by the time I was 14 years old). I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying I have everything figured out yet, but for the first time in my life I see a light at the end of the tunnel, a chance to maybe reach my goal of no longer being overweight. I'm not even sure I can wrap my head around the idea of maintenance yet, but I don't exactly want to live in fear of it either when it's still so far off.

While I'd spent most of my life being at least 100 pounds overweight, I gained an additional 100 pounds on top of that in just one year when I was in my late 20's. I spent 8 years struggling to get that off, only to gain back a huge chunk just a couple of years ago. After my miscarriage I made the decision that I needed to change before I found myself 200 pounds overweight again; I think if I allowed myself to fear reaching my goal, I'd still be 360 pounds.


Desiderata- I've always been a non-confrontational person, but that's been changing lately. I've had severe anxieties all of my life and at times find it physically impossible to speak what's really on my mind when annoyed/upset/angered without breaking down into tears. I started on meds a few months ago to treat my postpartum depression, which inadvertently helped my anxieties. I'm still learning where to draw the line with what I have to say because my normal filter has been removed, and even the hubby is shocked at how candid I've been lately.

Something tells me that I'll be calling this lady out on several things and I'm hoping it doesn't turn into a heated argument. I've been leaning on the idea of "tough love" lately so we'll see what happens?
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