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Old 03-21-2014, 01:47 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny View Post
In my opinion it is best to not talk about weightloss and eating while other people are eating. Talking about calories, carbs, nutrition, hunger etc makes everyone very uncomfortable. It puts them immediately in a state of defensiveness and makes you look self-righteous.
I agree.

While I'm sure it wasn't your intention, you opened the can of worms by expressing "a fair few times," your jealousy over what they were going to be eating.

Indirectly you opened the door on the topic of food choices (and not just your own).

It's like the game of "punchbug, no punchbacks."

You hit them where it hurt, but declared fowl when they hit back.

When ypu express jealousy of the food others are going to be eating (whether in words or by balefully ogling their plate) you're going to make them feel guilty and uncomfortable for enjoying it.

Persuading you to join in, is going to be a natural and understandable reaction. And if you still refuse, the "jealousy" you expressed, even if jokingly, is going to suck tmost of their enjoyment out of the meal.

You could have participated in the shopping, buying foods to contribute to the spread that you could eat guilt-free. Foods that you didn't have to mention were "diet" at all. Fresh fruit and dip ingredients (light coolwhip mixed with a light flavoted yogurt perhaps). Veggies and V-8 for virgin bloody marys), all sorts of foods you could have expressed "having a taste for" without making them feel guilty or obligated to push food on you.
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Old 03-21-2014, 08:40 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by xRiotGirl View Post
Thank you for this, I hadn't seen it from this perspective. That obviously would never be my intention, but I understand how it can be interpreted that way form the other side.
Sometimes when we're on a new plan and we're losing weight it's all we can think about. Our minds are completely preoccupied with dieting and food thoughts and if I could I would be talking about it all day long to whoever would listen. But like I said, other people don't want to talk about dieting when they have no intention of following that same plan and it does make an awkward conversation.

The problem can be instigated by diet programs themselves that urge people to share their plans in an effort to remain accountable. Basically they want you to announce it to the whole world so that you'll be too embarrassed to give up. Well that's ridiculous, what anyone puts in their mouth is nobody's business and you do not have to explain to anyone why you will or will not eat something. "I don't want anything" end of story.

"If you pay attention to when you are hungry, what your body wants, what you are eating, when you've had enough, you end the obsession because obsession and awareness cannot coexist." - Geneen Roth
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Old 03-21-2014, 08:45 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by ggbsy View Post
Ugh. I know what you mean. I have unfortunately let people get to me, too many times. It's like my desire to "fit in and be liked" is more powerful than my desire to be "healthy and fit". I was at goal weight a few months ago and I let it slip and gain 10 lbs because I couldn't take the critiques any longer. I just get tired of hearing what people think of my body/eating habits/exercise habits... they put me in a place where I am different and not liked. My desire to be liked put on those lbs. Now I am not judged and I feel like I fit in, I am no longer a threat to them... Of course, I am desperate to lose the weight again. Just not fair. I need to change something in order to overcome this. It is sabotage at its best!
You have to ask yourself, who are you doing this for- everyone else, or you? If you are happy where you are, then stand pat. If you feel that you need to lose ten pounds, just do it, but don't advertise it!

I totally understand where you are coming from- been there, done that, could write the novel. I learned, just stay quiet and do my own thing. If people notice that I've lost weight, I simply thank them. If they ask how, and I know that their just being nosy and possibly critical, I just say I watch what I eat and exercise, just like someone else said above. It's easier and not a lie, and try to change the subject so that they back off.

However, there are some very persistent people in my life (and yours obviously) who keep changing it back to my weight loss- I simply tell them that it's just my personal journey, and I've found a way I enjoy eating and exercising to feel good and be more energetic. When they try to give advice, I just smile and nod, thank them for their input, and either change the subject again, or find someone across the room to talk to and say "excuse me, I need to talk to so and so for a minute, good to see you!" and walk away. Eventually, these people will back off, if you make them. No one has to be rude or disrespectful, but be firm and stand up for yourself and don't let anyone sabotage you. You are not doing this for them, you're doing this for YOU. Keep that in mind next time you face people like this. Their opinion of you does not matter- you don't need their permission to take good care of yourself. As one friend told me years ago- "they're not paying for the food going in my mouth, nor are they preparing it, and when they start doing so, only then can they criticize my diet!"

Good luck and I hope you get back on track for yourself. Hang in there. Right now, people close to me are starting to notice my weight loss- usually that doesn't happen until I am down to 240 or so. I can hardly wait to see my father-in-law and sister-in-law, who will start pounding me away with questions and advice in May. They're such experts at everything, if you know what I mean.

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Old 03-21-2014, 09:59 PM   #19
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I haven't read the thread but i think you might have brought this on yourself. When you said you were jealous because of what they were eating, its like a sort of judging what they are eating and makes them feel defensive, especially if they are overweight too. this gives them license to criticise you. The thing is your comment possibly made them feel criticised.

The way you choose to eat is probably fine but it is hard with siblings. My sister is skinny and eats pretty good. WE have intense feelings around how we do things differently.

We hate advice from each other. We are just not receptive to what each other knows. So its best not to talk about it unless you know you are on the same page.
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