Hi! I hope everyone is doing well! Ok, well this week I'm on spring break, and I'm spending it with my aunt and uncle. My issue is with eating here. I like her food and everything, but she likes to feed people HUGE portion sizes of every meal. To make matters worse, she serves a lot of fried foods, for example she made me a fried dumpling for breakfast with some chicken and she gave me some fried dough (cooked a different way) for dinner, with more of the oily chicken. The night before that, she gave me enough rice to feed two people. She likes to serve people, so I can't even get what I WANT to eat, and I don't have control over the portion sizes. She even gave me MORE chicken for dinner earlier on tonight because "there was just a little bit left" and she didn't want to waste it, even though I specifically told her that I didn't want anymore. She and my uncle both know I'm trying to lose weight, because he even commented on how much I lost! I arrived on Saturday, and I ate TERRIBLY yesterday (Sunday), because I after eating her food, bag of jolly ranchers, fiber one bars, and a lot of sunflower seeds. I feel bloated and terrible, and I KNOW that I've gained weight. I bought oatmeal today, because I intend on eating it for breakfast, but she commented tonight that she's going to give us the same fried dough that we had for dinner, for breakfast tomorrow.
I know she isn't doing this on purpose, but I'll feel badly if I said no, but I don't want to sabotage my weight loss any further. How can I get it across to her that I don't want to eat all of that unhealthy food without offending her? I don't want to be rude... also, sorry for any errors, I'm writing this on my mobile.
I really appreciate your help!
Last edited by Chaselove; 03-18-2014 at 07:54 PM.
Reason: Spelling
Oy this is always hard, I've dealt with my fair share of this.
I always got stomach ache from oily foods after I haven't had them for awhile, I wonder if you told her that since you're not used to eating oily foods, maybe something with less oil would be better for you and not give you a stomach ache/bloated-ness?
I know it's not much better, but it's something. I know my aunts would get very offended if I didn't eat their food, but you don't want to sabotage your efforts!! I would try telling her that maybe it upsets your stomach since you've been dieting so you want to start eating oatmeal or something instead.
Sorry this wasn't more helpful, she might understand though since they both know how much you've lost!
Maybe you could talk about recipes with her and introduce her to a new healthy recipe that you could cook together? The two of you could spend some time in the kitchen and talk about your weight loss journey. Maybe it would give her some more understanding of the kind of things you are eating, now.
Personally I would just tell her straight up that her foods are not part of your diet plan and that you ate them yesterday because you love them, but that was your cheat day and now you're back on plan, period.
Try to talk to her about it when it isn't meal time and she's standing over you with a huge spoonful of rice. Explain that you love her and appreciate the meals, and that because you are trying to lose weight for your health you can't eat them. Talk to her about what you can eat, and ask if you can help in the kitchen and maybe make some things for them to try, in addition to what they want to eat. "I love the rice you make, and I need to be able to serve it to myself, because I can only have a certain amount."
Try using "and" instead of "but" when talking to her. I find that helps things and makes people less defensive.
Personally I would just tell her straight up that her foods are not part of your diet plan and that you ate them yesterday because you love them, but that was your cheat day and now you're back on plan, period.
That's also what I would do. Maybe it's because I hate being on the receiving end of the type of hinting suggested in some of the other posts.
F.
Last edited by freelancemomma; 03-18-2014 at 08:14 AM.
Food pushers. Even when done with the best intentions I still hate hate hate hate food pushers. I don't see it as a loving gesture at all. I see it as complete and utter narcissism. They just need the satisfaction of feeding people. I try my best to say no, especially now that I'm practicing IE, the thought of putting something in my mouth when I really don't want feels like a physical assault!
The other day I went to visit my friend who is staying with her mother. I had just eaten dinner and was full. Her mother had cooked this big dinner and insisted that I eat. All the reasoning in the world would not make her listen to me, she acted insulted as if I had done something RUDE towards her! I will never understand this type of bullying. I ate a few bites and that was even more rude to her that I would only eat a little.
My MIL is the same way as your aunt, she won't let me make up my own plate so I've got enough food on my plate to feed 3people and even if I wanted to I couldn't finish it. I'm so over it! She made corned beef brisket for St. Pattys and brought me 2 whole briskets, 8lbs each!!!! Can someone please tell me what me and my husband are going to do with this much meat??? What kind of gesture is that?
And then we were visited by a friend who brought over 2 dozen chocolate brownies, each brownie about the size of my hand, 2inches tall. Please tell me, what do I do with this???
I'm so overwhelmed with pleasing people when I have so many difficult food issues of my own to deal with!
Last edited by Palestrina; 03-18-2014 at 09:36 AM.
Good luck - sounds like you have some tough decisions to make. I think many people who push food aren't doing so with any intent to harm - often it's a different cultural belief and we have to use our own filters and determine the best route around it.
We probably all need to be thankful of those who give much in our lives - and take a step back and realize there are MANY many the world over who cannot imagine this much food in a meal because they have never had that, and live in near-constant hunger.
That said, though, as seagirl noted, speak to your aunt in between meals - don't judge (telling someone else they do something wrong is only our own beliefs being thrown back at them), just state what you would like to contribute to the meals - more veggie dishes, etc., and that you want to help and serve yourself so less food is wasted.
Best of luck!
WannabeSkinny - consider donating baked goods to those in your community who would enjoy it - some people might not want it if it's not packaged, but many others would relish the treat ... a double-bonus then. Those who don't want it can skip it.
Last edited by nationalparker; 03-18-2014 at 12:43 PM.
Thank you so much everyone! I really really appreciate your feedback! I ended up eating my high fiber oatmeal for breakfast! I also plan on eating it for breakfast for the duration of my vacation... For dinner she gave me about 2.5 cups of rice with some crab! I told her that I would like less rice and she looked annoyed, and she put back about .5 a cup. I just ate about half of what she gave me. I'm not stuffing myself, and I don't want to fall back into old habits.
I tried to talk to her about eating better, because she said that she wanted to lose weight too (she had a heart attack a few months ago). I know that it would be difficult for her to do this with the kinds of foods she eats and the portion sizes. So, I told her that I lost a lot of weight by cutting out all drinks that weren't water and seltzer, and she kind of ignored me. Normally, she drinks juices and tea loaded with sugar. I also tried to drop a hint. We went to the store today, and I asked her if she cooks frozen vegetables, hoping that she'd catch on, but nothing. I'm not being judgmental, because I know how difficult it is to change eating habits, but I'm kind of worried for her. =/
hhm6- your response was plenty helpful! If she had tried to force me to eat more than I wanted tonight, I planned on telling her what you said. Awshucks- I think this is agreat idea, I kind of tried it, but she ignored me >.< Maiu and freelance- I like that tactic, it gets the message across loud and clear, if she tries to fore more food on my plate again, I'm going to tell her that it will make me sick and I won't eat it! Seagirl- I'm going to try and talk to her tomorrow about making healthier dinners with my help. Hopefully she'll listen to me! Wannabeskinny- Food pushing! I never had a name for it, but that is exactly what it is! It really is annoying, but sometimes its so hard to say no! I want to develop persistence like yours! Nationalparker- Yea, I agree. I don't think there is any mal intent here, and I really appreciate her interest in my eating.... at the same time, she doesn't leave me with enough space to say "no", which makes it harder... Maybe I'll try to suggest tomorrow's dinner!
Thank you so much everyone! You guys have helped me a lot, and I am grateful for a community like this one. I know I can look to you all for help! I hope other people, who are experiencing what I am, will read your comments and help to make their bad eating situations better.
Growing up in my old-world Italian family in the 1950-60's, food was love - - you showed your love by spending your time, energy and money cook-cook-cooking for one and all. None of them was overweight, mainly because they only cooked to that extreme for family parties, and it would have been a great insult to not eat. I was never overweight in those days when every party was a feast.
Today many of us are overweight; none do the old Italian cooking, the seven fish for Christmas, etc.
What do you do with it? Chuck it! Yeah it's good food,yep it will go to waste, yep there are people starving somewhere. And you still toss it all in the trash.part of this journey is taking control and responsibility for our health. we can not let people dictate what we eat and how much. You have to live with the consequences and do the extra exercise YOU not any one else therefore only YOU get to chose when where and how much you eat. Period! Those people getting angry is beyond your control. They have a choice be supportive of someone trying to be healthy or get hurt. It's not your job to keep them happy. Sorry but I am so done letting others guilt me into things and run my life . It didn't work so well in the past. It doesn't have to be confrontational or sneaky just matter of fact. No thanks not eating that and after a while people get it and if they don't,you still chuck the food gifts!
QUOTE=Wannabeskinny;4965616]Food pushers. Even when done with the best intentions I still hate hate hate hate food pushers. I don't see it as a loving gesture at all. I see it as complete and utter narcissism. They just need the satisfaction of feeding people. I try my best to say no, especially now that I'm practicing IE, the thought of putting something in my mouth when I really don't want feels like a physical assault!
The other day I went to visit my friend who is staying with her mother. I had just eaten dinner and was full. Her mother had cooked this big dinner and insisted that I eat. All the reasoning in the world would not make her listen to me, she acted insulted as if I had done something RUDE towards her! I will never understand this type of bullying. I ate a few bites and that was even more rude to her that I would only eat a little.
My MIL is the same way as your aunt, she won't let me make up my own plate so I've got enough food on my plate to feed 3people and even if I wanted to I couldn't finish it. I'm so over it! She made corned beef brisket for St. Pattys and brought me 2 whole briskets, 8lbs each!!!! Can someone please tell me what me and my husband are going to do with this much meat??? What kind of gesture is that?
And then we were visited by a friend who brought over 2 dozen chocolate brownies, each brownie about the size of my hand, 2inches tall. Please tell me, what do I do with this???
I'm so overwhelmed with pleasing people when I have so many difficult food issues of my own to deal with![/QUOTE]
week long spring break at relative's house
I don't want to be rude... also, sorry for any errors, I'm writing this on my mobile.
