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Going on a diet - to a certain point and no more

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Old 03-13-2014, 10:31 AM   #16
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Aw, I'm the same height as your wife, and my goal is 175 lbs - close to your wife's goal weight. I personally don't feel bound to the ideal weight on the BMI chart myself. My target weight is smack in the middle of "overweight" BMI. I have about 14 more lbs to go. Some ladies the same height have goal weights as low as the 130s, however. To each his own, I say.

Are you worried she won't look optimum when she stops dieting and is technically 12 lbs overweight? Are you concerned those 12 lbs will affect her health? Do you have a lot of physical type hobbies and interests and will those 12 lbs affect whether or not she can participate in them?

I don't know how old your wife is, but I'm almost 50. My main reasons for losing weight are to be in good health and be able to keep up activity-wise with my children (who are young, considering my age.) I also want to be able to "live a little" as they say, and as was mentioned in a previous post, so my target weight reflects all of that. Looking better (vanity reasons) are a nice bonus of losing weight, but that's pretty much my last motivation, personally. That said, duuuuuude, you can't even imagine how much better and healthier I look. Like, I can't even describe. 189 lbs. still sounds quite heavy for a woman, but I'm rockin' it! Don't be too quick to decide that 170 lbs goal weight won't be right for your wife.

That said, I do not rule out that when I reach my goal weight, I am open to considering further weight loss among other goals (weightlifting/fitness.) That has been the best thing about this weight loss journey - adapting, revising goals, unexpected discoveries even! My goalpost moved to a lower weight early on when I started seeing that I could actually diet successfully. Your wife might experience that as well. I say let her have her goal weight at whatever she sets it, even though you feel it is the wrong way to go about things.

Why don't you wait to see how things are looks wise and health wise and activity wise when she gets to goal weight. You might be surprised at your own reaction Try your best not to exude disappointment about her current weight loss goal. I don't know how much total weight your wife has to lose, but I don't even know her and I'm so proud of her for getting started and losing 22 lbs already - that is so awesome!! I can remember when I lost my first 20 lbs. I could not believe I had done it, I was so excited. It was the first inkling of confidence in myself that I was capable of this. When you have so much weight to lose, and you know you are facing over a year of eating at a calorie deficit, it's beyond daunting. Support is a must.

Best of luck!
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Last edited by TooWicky : 03-13-2014 at 10:36 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 03-13-2014, 02:08 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carter View Post
This.

I wouldn't worry about your wife's goal weight at all, tricon. When she gets closer to whatever weight you think a healthy weight for her would be, she may very well find that she's on a roll with the weight loss and is ready to go further. Or, she might find that it's hard enough to maintain at that level and is content with whatever improvements she has made to her health and well-being. There's no way for either her or you to know, at this stage.

I have always said - and I still do - that my goal weight is the weight I am when I find that going lower (and staying there) is more work than I am willing or able to do. I don't see any reason for choosing a goal weight any other way than that for myself. And it doesn't have to be a static number, because the amount of work I am willing and able to do at any given time can vary.
This is very wise, and I think your wife is being wise as well. A random number some statistician tells us we are magically health and normal for having achieved does not mean jack if the quality of life we sacrifice in achieving it is beyond what we can bear.

Evaluating goals is very, very tricky. What looked like a good goal when I was morbidly obese turned out to not be satisfying or a necessary stopping point when I actually hit it. But there was no way to know that before I was actually there and maintained there for a few months. Let her play it by ear and decide for herself. I think her attitude is much healthier than a lot of women, truth be told!
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