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Old 03-11-2014, 07:08 PM   #1
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Bit of a rant I guess. Feeling quite down and doing terribly with losing weight lately. I'm sure my working environment has a little bit to do with it. I sit in front of a group of gossip-y coworkers. They make nasty comments about a lot of people, but they have been especially nasty about the very overweight girl who works further across in the office. One of them makes particularly cruel remarks, but she's nice as pie to this girl's face. It's just depressing, it reminds me of high school, and just makes me think that this is how everyone thinks of me, they just don't say it to my face.

These people are just confirming my worst fears, making jibes about weight, laughing that they can't believe an overweight person has a boyfriend and wondering what on earth he sees in her with all that flab. I seriously felt like slapping one of them today when I heard her make a comment, practically within hearing range of this girl, and then when someone else told her to shush, she was just like 'just telling it like it is'. As if anyone asked for her worthless opinion.

I'm already completely failing with my plan at the moment, and even putting weight on, so going into work and hearing stuff like that every day, even if it's not directed at me (they probably wait while I'm not there to make comments about me!), is such a downer.
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Old 03-11-2014, 07:21 PM   #2
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That's horrible. I would want to call them out on it. I don't know if I could be able to but I would really want to! I'm sorry you have to hear that crap. Would make me want to say "and you're being incredibly rude. Just telling it like it is"
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Old 03-11-2014, 07:30 PM   #3
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You should call them on it, I have and I feel great after. Whether you think so or not, it is bullying.

I hope those nasty people get a bad thyroid or something out of their control, blow up like a balloon and can't do anything about it. I know that sounds mean, but I never bullied overweight people or anyone for that matter. I tell myself how thankful that I didn't have that cross to carry. People like these coworkers are so shallow. America is becoming more and more shallow and Greedy, never thought I'd see the day. Awful
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Old 03-11-2014, 07:34 PM   #4
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That might be worth discussing with HR, if your company has an HR department. At my last job, the branch manager at another branch called me to complain that my shipping clerk was damaging his stuff and that he knew it was because she was so fat that she couldn't bend over so she must be dropping his boxes on the floor. I tore him a new one- I told him that my shipping clerk can easily lift 100 lbs straight off the floor, that I was personally double checking his orders and they were fine when they left here so he needed to talk to UPS, and that if I EVER heard him make another fat comment about my clerk that he'd be talking to HR. You can't stop somebody from thinking like a bigoted jerk, but you can sometimes stop them from saying it out loud.
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Old 03-11-2014, 07:37 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellamack View Post
You should call them on it, I have and I feel great after. Whether you think so or not, it is bullying.

I hope those nasty people get a bad thyroid or something out of their control, blow up like a balloon and can't do anything about it. I know that sounds mean, but I never bullied overweight people or anyone for that matter. I tell myself how thankful that I didn't have that cross to carry. People like these coworkers are so shallow. America is becoming more and more shallow and Greedy, never thought I'd see the day. Awful
As someone with thyroid disease who did blow up like a balloon and who does have trouble doing anything about it, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's a lot more than just a weight problem. I have heart palpitations, sometimes so bad I end up in the hospital. My immune system is crap and when I get sick with something that other people are over in 3 days, I'm still sick 6 weeks later. My hair falls out. I'm tired all the time. I freeze at night. And that's with me being on treatment. We can't seem to normalize my meds- I take this dose, it's too high. I take that dose, it's too low.

What I'd wish is that people would just try to be empathetic, or at least keep their mouths shut. We get taught from kindergarten that if you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say it at all. Some adults should learn to apply that.
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Old 03-11-2014, 07:38 PM   #6
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That's horrible. I would want to call them out on it. I don't know if I could be able to but I would really want to! I'm sorry you have to hear that crap. Would make me want to say "and you're being incredibly rude. Just telling it like it is"
I want to, but I don't feel like I can. Partly because I'm just overhearing their conversation, so I guess it's none of my business really, and most of the time they are being quiet/discreet about it & clearly no one is supposed to overhear, but I just sit near them so I get the pleasure of hearing what they secretly think of people. Partly because I feel like they'll dismiss what I have to say because I'm fat, so I'm bound to take offence, when in actual fact when I listen to some of them I'm embarrassed FOR them. Annoyingly they mostly seem quite nice/ok, but when they get gossip-y, one or two of them can be really vile for no reason.

I might discuss it with HR if they carry on though. And if I ever overhear them talking about me, I won't be able to stop myself responding, and I don't think it'll be pretty.
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Old 03-11-2014, 07:41 PM   #7
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You said one in particular makes these cruel remarks. I bet the others involved are more like "lost sheep" following this lady's example. Stand up - I was bullied for a long time as a kid, and now I realize that if I had stood up for myself, or had a friend stand in for me, the bully would stop. She's saying these things for attention (because frequently, bullies are insecure and are trying to draw attention to others' flaws).

And people will talk, but what you can do is stop the drama in the workplace. If she acts like "just saying it like it is", then you can reply with "It's your opinion and it's cruel. Keep it to yourself." I bet you'd have some people silently agreeing with you, and maybe give them the guts to speak up in the future. If the places were reversed and you were being talked about like that, wouldn't you want someone to speak up for you?

And in regards to you - don't try to lose weight to avoid others' criticism. Do it for yourself, because people like her will always find something to be cruel about.

ETA - Your weight does not discredit the fact that what they are doing is cruel. I've overheard conversations and even if they are "trying" to be discreet, you can hear them. You should speak up - you don't have to be mean about it, and sometimes a simple "I know she's overweight, but you know what - we all have issues and insecurities. It's cruel to talk about it and act as if someone doesn't have value because of something as silly as weight."

Sorry, this is something that gets my blood boiling. As kind people, it is our responsibility to stand up for those who are being oppressed. Schools and workplaces are no different, and waiting can only lead to further pain. This girl may act like she doesn't hear it, but I bet she suspects it and has probably heard. People hide pain so well..
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Old 03-11-2014, 08:11 PM   #8
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I know where you're coming from. I have worked with some pretty evil folks myself. One way to get them back is to continue losing weight and get their goose. That will serve them right. Their gossiping really does not mean a hill of beans anyway though I know it hurts. They sound very immature. Just try to concentrate on your work and keep a positive attitude and tell yourself that you're getting thinner each and every day.

Even if you were thin they'd find something to gossip about because they sound like they're no good.
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Old 03-11-2014, 08:24 PM   #9
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I would speak up for this women and yourself. This women that is talking about the others obviously has low self esteem herself. People who talk about others do it to make themselves feel better.

But do what is right for you. Take what ever steps you have to, to feel comfortable at work. You deserve a peaceful atmosphere to work in.

Good Luck.
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Old 03-11-2014, 08:51 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EagleRiverDee View Post
What I'd wish is that people would just try to be empathetic, or at least keep their mouths shut. We get taught from kindergarten that if you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say it at all. Some adults should learn to apply that.
I agree. The older I get the less I can understand why people get such a charge out of putting others down.

I hate confrontation, so when someone tries to share such comments with me, I will often counter the comment with something positive about the person being discussed. Usually, if I stick to doing that, the gossip will stop saying those sorts of things to me because I'm not feeding the gossip (this doesn't always work, of course; in the case of the OP, a few gossips are feeding each other).
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Old 03-11-2014, 11:44 PM   #11
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if I overheard something like that, I think i'd turn to them with a very surprised look on my face and say something like "Omg! did you really just say that?? that's horribly rude and cruel!" and just act real surprised that they would say such a thing

if someone said to me "just saying it like it is"...I've heard that from kids before too and my usual response is something like "regardless, it's disrespectful and you need to keep it to yourself"

or even act concerned for them, with something like "wow you know you could really get in trouble with HR/boss/whatever for saying something like that...I would hate to see you lose your job"...
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