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Old 02-10-2014, 02:28 AM   #1
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Default Confessions and struggles...help

Hi everyone,

I've been a long time lurker of this blog, probably the last 10 years or so? I've always wanted to come post here, but decided not to since I don't want people to figure out who I am (although I don't know how they would)

Here I am 10 years later finally posting! Feels very liberating. If I may ask help from you all, I'm a 26 years old girl, 175 lbs at height 5'1 and so tired of being fat. I swear I've been trying to eat better, but I keep cheating. I make up reasons to cheat and it makes me think that maybe, just maybe I don't want it badly enough. What do I do? What do you guys do to keep going?

I see people on here who are overweight and accomplish so much, and they're mothers and fathers with families and jobs, I'm just a student and I can't even handle this? It makes me wonder if I am just meant to be this way.

I also have confession to make, I buy a lot of snack cakes, hide them and eat them while I'm "dieting", everyone around me thinks I'm doing well, and I get to satisfy my cravings and I never lose weight. I'm always letting my cravings be satisfied. Why do I do this?! What does it take for me to be diligent with my diet?!

I also have many other issues I struggle with. I live with my parents while finishing up classes (im hoping to apply to pharmacy school one day) so I don't work, and my parents always tell me to eat healthier and better, they're very supportive, but I have friends who don't understand that i can't have parties/alcohol parties or let them sleepover at my house until late ordering junk food (they've asked to pay for their food with MY parents credit cards!!-they're so rude and take advantage of my parents i feel). My parents are old, and I'm living here at 26 years old, rent free, I'm going to respect everything they've done for me, it's their house and i will abide by their rules, and even if I didn't, it's completely disrespectful of them to ask for such things, I know they wouldn't do it at their own, but they constantly ask me. But my friends don't have obligations, their parents don't care when they go out, when they're home, and it stressed me out and makes me turn to eating. I've been distancing myself from them and I feel better, I'm a loner, but I feel they wouldn't treat me this way if they respected my views and my parents. I wouldn't never do such a thing to them. Food in many ways is what I turn to for comfort, and ever since it has brought me nothing but grief. My medical tests show that I have high cholesterol, I have dark inner thighs, armpits, which my doc says could be from insulin resistance. I just feel and look ugly since I've gained so much weight.

My extended family tells me I'm unattractive, they compare me to other girls my age at cultural events, they tell me I might not get married, maybe won't be eligible too when I have lost weight, basically I'm a lost cause. I try to respect them and ignore it, but sometimes when I hear these things, I want to cry. Cry for myself and the fact that everyone else can see the same things I see wrong with me. I feel like people can usually mask these things, but I've gotten so fat, that my struggles are on display for everyone to see and ridicule. Sometimes I wonder what kind of world we live in where people can judge us based on looks, I haven't treated anyone badly yet I'm flocked with negativity everywhere. I remember telling a friend who I trusted very much my weight because I wanted help from her, and when I said "175" she looked at me up and down and said " wow I could've sworn you weighed more, good job!" I don't even know how to take that? I thought it was rude. I had an uncle tell me when I was sick and couldn't eat, " a snail eats to the snail size, the elephant for the elephant's size, so don't be shy and eat more"...these comments make me so sad. It crushes me, when my uncle said this, I told him it was rude, he said "did we force you to eat to become like that (looking at me)" so i left it alone, 3 years later I have never gone back to that house.

I'm sorry for the long post, if I posted this in the wrong place, please let me know and I can repost it in the right place. Thank you for listening 3fc, you don't know it, but reading your posts have been my savior at times when I felt I had no one understood the struggles I've been going through. Thank you and please if you have any advice for someone like me, please let me know. I want to be able to have a good life, while I'm young even though I feel old already, I want to wear cute clothes like girls my age do and feel pretty, and wear makeup and all that. But my first concern is my health, and well even if I can't be 120 lbs, being healthier is something I wish to work towards. Thank you again for listening, and my apologies for my grammar errors.

Last edited by Stopquitting : 02-10-2014 at 03:39 AM.
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Old 02-10-2014, 02:51 AM   #2
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, stopquitting. It's a good decision you took. And yes, don't worry. No one can figure out who you are. You seem to have, just like many of us on here a main weight problems with weight related side problems. The little time I've spent here has shown me that we are rarely alone in such cases. You can post your doubts and problems in different sections and get the help and support you need. It is better than fighting on your own. Finding people who go through the same and yet make efforts to continue their struggle will motivate you.
I'm relatively new too. I didn't lurk that long but I also hesitated before joining the dieting family. I haven't regretted it. There's so much to take and give on the forum!
We're body twins and I'm struggling with my eating habits too. I'm 29. Let's partner up if you agree. What are your goals? Mine is to lose 60 pounds by 31/12/2014. I gave myself so much time because I'm really battling with emotional issues and I have a REAL problem with food.
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:01 AM   #3
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I am new as well. This breaks my heart because I can relate to you. It is very hard to be positive around such negativity. As I am surrounded by it as well . I will look at photos of myself and wonder why I let myself gain so much weight. I've been depressed for a very long time due to family issues and stuff I'd rather not talk about at the moment. I am also guilty of hiding away snacks to satisfy my cravings. Its all a big mess and sometimes I give up no matter how far I have gotten. :/ I just found this site a couple of weeks ago and finallt decided to post. Hoping maybe I can find someone to talk to.. Seeing as I have pretty much given up. I literally have no friends I'm just a loner too.
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:31 AM   #4
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Welcome!

I am very sorry that you are going through all of that. I went through all of the same experiences so I completely understand.

Of course, the most important thing is our health, physically and mentally. After spending most of my life overweight, here are a few things that I have learned:

1. As much as you can, minimize contact with negative people in your life. Whenever anyone starts talking negatively to you walk away. Being around critical people only made me eat more. I let go of many negative people and have been much happier. Find friends who support you and it will make a huge difference in your life. You can find many friends right here on 3FCs.

2. I believe that when someone is in their young adult years, this is a critical period in everyone's life. It is the time to discover yourself, pursue education, become established in a career, possibly find a life partner, maybe have children etc. Don't miss out on all the wonderful experiences in life by focusing on one problem. I made the decision in my 20s that no matter what my weight was, I was just going to do what I love. I focused on developing myself instead of limiting myself because others don't like how I looked.

3. I was told by my parents that no one would ever want me because I am fat. I was overweight when I met my husband. We have been married and best friends for 35 years. You are a valuable person and deserve someone who recognizes your wonderful qualities.

4. As much as you can, reduce or eliminate sugar from your diet. I recently cut out sugar completely and I feel better physically and mentally. At Weight Watchers, the leader once said "sugar wants sugar". Eating sugar makes me lose control. Don't bring it into the house and it will be easier to resist.

5. I hope you can find an eating plan and exercise program that is just right for you. Start with small changes and periodically give yourself a non-food reward.

Good luck! Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
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Last edited by doingmybest : 02-10-2014 at 03:34 AM.
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:33 AM   #5
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Oh my gosh, you two have brought tears to my eyes! Happy and sad ones, happy in that in I don't feel alone, but sad that we have these issues.

But I have hope for us! I am aiming for 10lbs a month, does that sound ok? My cousin lost 14 lbs in a month, she went from 124 to 110 and she's my height. How her body works i don't know, but i know it's much harder for me. I can't even lose 3 lbs water weight sometimes, and I wonder if she did it in a healthy way. I get compared to people like her, and then they see me and wonder why 10 lbs is so hard for me to lose.

I think we could pool our thoughts on this thread and keep each other motivated? I don't use social media is any form, I really am not a fan. I had it once and saw there were groups were body building guys who talk about "fatties" and it disgusted me so I never went back. I already feel motivated! Thank you both for responding.

How do you limit your calories? and cravings? I always feel like I deserve the cheat, I deserve that "happiness" does it make sense? I have kept these thoughts bottled up for so long, this is really liberating to get out finally. I go to class at night, and come home, study, sleep, work at a daycare, then school, repeat every 5 days. I don't have money either so I can't afford to buy many fancy things sometimes, I will just eat unprocessed stuff my parents buy, which is still good, but I wonder if it is enough? My main problem is with snacking with my hidden snacks. One day i threw them away and felt awful because of the money i lost. then there are days I can eat a box entirely and not even feel gross, there is a very big problem with that!
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:36 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doingmybest View Post
Welcome!

I am very sorry that you are going through all of that. I went through all of the same experiences so I completely understand.

Of course, the most important thing is our health, physically and mentally. After spending most of my life overweight, here are a few things that I have learned:

1. As much as you can, minimize contact with negative people in your life. Whenever anyone starts talking negatively to you walk away. Being around critical people only made me eat more. I let go of many negative people and have been much happier. Find friends who support you and it will make a huge difference in your life. You can find many friends right here on 3FCs.

2. I believe that when someone is in their young adult years, this is a critical period in everyone's life. It is the time to discover yourself, pursue education, become established in a career, possibly find a life partner, maybe have children etc. Don't miss out on all the wonderful experiences in life by focusing on one problem. I made the decision in my 20s that no matter what my weight was, I was just going to do what I love. I focused on developing myself instead of limiting myself because others don't like how I looked.

3. I was told by my parents that no one would ever want me because I am fat. I was overweight when I met my husband. We have been married and best friends for 35 years. You are a valuable person and deserve someone who recognizes your wonderful qualities.

4. As much as you can, reduce or eliminate sugar from your diet. I recently cut out sugar completely and I feel better physically and mentally. At Weight Watchers, the leader once said "sugar wants sugar". Eating sugar makes me lose control. Don't bring it into the house and it will be easier to resist.

5. I hope you can find an eating plan and exercise program that is just right for you. Start with small changes and periodically give yourself a non-food reward.

Good luck! Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Thank you!!! Thank you for writing this, the sugar wants sugar quote really stuck with me, eliminating it will be my issue. I guess I should not try moderation then correct?

Maybe I will try one day and see how I do, I really want to be healthier and happier! I'm such a gloomy, tired, mess all the time. I want to be free, i feel like my weight ties me down with everything in life, but also because I let it. I need to be like you and not let it define me, thanks for your kind words!
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Old 02-10-2014, 12:09 PM   #7
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Hello,
I relate to your story. I am 5'3" and was 120 lbs. When I was 23, I gained 30 pounds in 6 months (and it kept going up until I hit 170lbs), needless to say I was a mess. It prevented me from feeling pretty, going out, being happy... I was never enjoying the moment because I felt ugly, and worthless.
There is one thing I learned in the past years that changed everything and I wanted to share it with you: Losing weight is not the goal, it's a happy lateral damage. The goal is being happy and healthy.

I am sure you're wandering "what is she saying??", let me explain:
If you feel good about yourself, you'll take measures to be healthier. Simply because you care more about yourself. So you wont overeat, and you will hit the gym. it's a vicious circle, I lost weight (the big portion of it) because I felt better about myself. And I stopped thinking that I needed to lose weight to feel happy.

1- Focus on your classes: There is more to life than being pretty, I found accomplishing something brings me joy and. Professional satisfaction was refreshing. Please don't misunderstand me, professional success can be as simple as being a barista who smiles when making a good coffee. You dont have to be a NASA scientist to feel successful.

2- Please take your time: losing weight is a battle, sometime it works in months, sometimes it takes years. and it's ok. I feel prettier, healthier, more attractive (I am 36) than I was 10 years ago. I am enjoying life now, even with the extra 20 pounds left! I am still trying to lose those pounds, (again and again ), but it's ok. I am happy anyways.
Good luck, I know you can do it.
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Old 02-10-2014, 01:00 PM   #8
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The sugar wants sugar quote is really good. It makes me not want to buy anything with sugar and have it in my home. I had breakdown last night my husband asked me to make him somethinf to eat and when I tried . I couldn't I felt sick to my stomach when I approached anything that was food. I had it stuck in my head that I shouldnt be near food That I was fat and well.. I started to bawl my eyes out. My husband had to stay with me the whole night and comfort me. :/ I hate to feel like this. It really eats me up inside. But nonetheless I am determined to start excersising and eat healthier. You all are really an inspiration I hope I can finally get back up on my feet and do this.
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:44 PM   #9
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Today, I decided to throw it all out, everything in my house that is not even good in moderation. Snack cakes, diet sodas, etc. I feel a little scared of throwing out the money, but I guess if I keep it I'll have to spend money on the Lipitor I've eventually be prescribed, so maybe this is good? My parents don't use it either, so I know who will end up eating it.

Today I ate well in the morning, some oat bran with yogurt, lunch was soup, but then I ate those snack cakes and felt sick to my stomach and threw it out.

Tomorrow is going to be a new day, I've made vegetable soup to eat for lunch, and I'm making oat bran roll with egg for dinner, oat bran with yogurt for breakfast. I have a huge exam tomorrow night as well so I have eat well and go.

Thanks for all the replies, it's so nice to come on here and just write away. I've been bottling these emotions for so long. My friends haven't contacted me in almost 2 weeks, I guess they don't care since I told them not to bombard my parents home like they used to, but I think it was the right thing to do, they weren't very nice people anyway. I was 177 today sadly, but hopefully by the end of this month I will be 167? Big jump so I have hope.
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:53 PM   #10
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Also, for those of you who are losing weight

I went to this site called BMI calculator (couldnt post link it said i need more posts)

and it said my bmr was 1580.75., so do I eat this to maintain correct? and to create a deficit I eat under? How much lower should I go? Like 1200? When I measure out healthy food, I feel like I can eat more of it, than a little of the fatty stuff, so 1200 would be good? I don't like to subtract exercise calories because i dont have machines that show me how much im losing.

Please let me know what you think.
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:55 PM   #11
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That's awesome. Starting off new is great I am too starting to watch what I eat and not indulge on evil little snacks . If you ever need someone to talk to Message me or I can give you my email. I'm a great listener (:
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Old 02-10-2014, 10:42 PM   #12
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Thank you!! yes please feel free to message me as well! I think we have a great support if we keep each other updated.
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Old 02-10-2014, 10:51 PM   #13
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Go to Myfitnesspal.com to track and log your food. Start there. Track every single thing you eat making sure you don't go over your allowance and don't eat under 1,200.
Eventually incorporate exercise but relearn how to eat first. That's the most important part...and stick around 3fc.
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Old 02-11-2014, 06:19 AM   #14
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Hi body twin! How are you doing? Keep me posted.
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Old 02-11-2014, 06:52 AM   #15
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I too am struggling stopquitting, good luck. I am struggling myself. Instead of loosing weight I am gaining...and my body type is very similar. I am dealing with some negative issues as well...and that probably doesn't help. I need to take doingmybest's advice and get rid of the negativity too.
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