I am very sorry for your loss. And very compassionate to what you are going through.
Parents are not supposed to bury their children. My grandparents buried 2. My father and my uncle. My dad a bad accident, my uncle heart defib. It's no fun.
But, and I don't want you to think that I don't feel your pain, because I do. however, I do think I see a bit of an unhealthy co-dependent relation ship here.
It does not make it bad or wrong, lots of us have been in those places, myself included.
I would find some good grief counseling, and along with that explore the co-dependency issues in your relationships.
These things take time.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself, but also give yourself permission to continue to live!
In the act of sharing your story here, you are on the road to recovery!
It takes a lot of courage to put your story out there for the whole world to see.
I sincerely hope you can find peace and happiness, and that your story will help others, who are or were in your situation.
5+ year maintainer.
The human body is capable of amazing things! But without the mind, it is nothing. Get your mind in gear and the body will follow!
Be selfish about caring for yourself, you deserve it!
Weight Watcher leader! But always a Member first!