[ImpalaHoarder]

I'm kind of half-heartedly trying to lose weight right now. I feel like a major part of my failure is that there's not many pleasant things going on in my life that aren't food, mostly because I haven't really had friends who I wasn't dating in a few years.

So I'm trying to get back into the friend game, but I'm finding that I have incredible bitterness towards anyone more attractive. Whenever something goes wrong, I think they're rejecting me because I'm not attractive, or deliberately flaunting how pretty they are in an insensitive way, and I get angry and can't carry on a good conversation. I believe in my brain that many people don't COMPLETELY reject you because of weight, but I just can't believe it in my gut (and I actually believe in my brain that people do generally treat you a lot worse if you're fat, which doesn't help these feelings).

For other people who've been fat all their lives, how do you get over these sorts of feelings? How do you start thinking of more attractive people as just other people, the same as anyone else?

(Also, if this was the wrong place to post this, please tell me!)

[elvislover324]

Honestly...I trust no one in regards to my weight. Well, let me clarify. I trust my husband, my doctors, my nutritionist. Othrrwise, everyone has an ulterior motive. That includes my BFF, my sister, my MIL, my neighbor, my coffee shop girl, my bartender. That's a wide variety but all within certain parameters.

No one cares about my weight, my goals, my pant size more than me. NO ONE.

Those people who say I can afford more drinks, more food, etc dont have my best intentions at heart and that's ok.

Because I got this.

[Inkrid]

I think certain groups/people can "trigger" me more than others. Two towns over, closer to the city, there is a vortex of size 2 people. Who work out like it's a full time job (they don't have anything else to do), and shop and get "work" done on their days off (of which there are many). I always felt out of place as I don't "work it" with nearly the same intensity! One girl felt threatened by me and was actively catty (my DH was bragging about me and she finally met me and the claws came out LOL). Another I could swear doesn't want me around because I would make her look bad. All of this could easily be in my head, but I don't think so. I feel like once I get thin again, I'll know if people reject me for the fat, or if they're rejecting me for ME (a more terrifying thought). P.S. Had to interact with the girls above as our kids were in the same extra-curricular scene

[Mrs Snark]

What you have to realize is that no matter what your weight, or talents, or accomplishments, there will ALWAYS BE people you judge to be somehow "better" than you. Because we are all our own worse critic.

And people you feel are "flaunting their prettiness" probably have all the same insecurities that you feel inside yourself. Work hard to let this emotional baggage go, you're only hurting yourself in the end. People you judge to be more attractive than you ARE just other people. Same as people you might judge as being less attractive than yourself!

Everywhere, all around us, just regular people, groping along trying to make the best of it all.

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by ImpalaHoarder

I'm kind of half-heartedly trying to lose weight right now. I feel like a major part of my failure is that there's not many pleasant things going on in my life that aren't food, mostly because I haven't really had friends who I wasn't dating in a few years.

So I'm trying to get back into the friend game, but I'm finding that I have incredible bitterness towards anyone more attractive. Whenever something goes wrong, I think they're rejecting me because I'm not attractive, or deliberately flaunting how pretty they are in an insensitive way, and I get angry and can't carry on a good conversation. I believe in my brain that many people don't COMPLETELY reject you because of weight, but I just can't believe it in my gut (and I actually believe in my brain that people do generally treat you a lot worse if you're fat, which doesn't help these feelings).

For other people who've been fat all their lives, how do you get over these sorts of feelings? How do you start thinking of more attractive people as just other people, the same as anyone else?

(Also, if this was the wrong place to post this, please tell me!)

Distrust is something that you have to overcome within yourself. Distrusting other people just because they're thin is not an indication of their behavior, being generally distrustful is something you have to work on. I think it's just a perception on your part, you can't change other people and even if you do how will that help you?

Perhaps there are other factors that are inhibiting you from trusting people. I don't identify with what you're feeling because I don't think most people really care what I look like. At least not enough to distrust them, that's why I think there's something else at play here.