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Self Sabotage / Afraid to be thin?

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Old 02-19-2014, 09:19 AM   #16
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Your pretty tall. Is 130 too skinny for you. I always find when i get too skinny i start to get an appetite.

Anyway i don't buy the idea that you are self sabotaging out of fear to be thin. I think its possibly loosening up your vigilance cause you think you've arrived and don't need to work anymore. That's been a lot to do with my undoing in the past and i think for many others as well.



Probably wanting it so bad is not helpful either. You need to let go that need a bit. Relax a bit more but be vigilant. Sounds like a total contradiction.

Yo'uve got your plan, just stick to it and trust that it will work. But when you get there, you can't afford to slack off. You have to work at maintenance then.
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Old 02-19-2014, 04:07 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkrid View Post
I think the answer is a lot more Primal and bred in the bone.

Humans/primates are programmed to eat a lot of food when they see it. That's how we survived the lean years! And there *were* Lean Years. Type in "Famines" in Google and there's one site which lists the history of famines around the world ~ hundreds of them, everywhere. And primitive hunter/gatherers have/had to eat all of whatever they find.... I could be wrong, and it's not an excuse, but it's the simplest answer without therapy!
I completely agree with you, Inkrid. I've always been suspicious of the "scared to be thin" self-sabotage theory. If offered a guarantee of being thin for life without having to watch food intake, how many of the so-called self-saboteurs would say no?

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p.s. Alzheimer moment!! I reread the thread and realized I already weighed in earlier. At least both my answers are consistent!
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Old 02-19-2014, 11:49 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by freelancemomma View Post
I completely agree with you, Inkrid. I've always been suspicious of the "scared to be thin" self-sabotage theory. If offered a guarantee of being thin for life without having to watch food intake, how many of the so-called self-saboteurs would say no?

F.

p.s. Alzheimer moment!! I reread the thread and realized I already weighed in earlier. At least both my answers are consistent!
I don't agree with you on this one, freelancemomma. The question here is becoming thin after being fat for a long time, and not being offered the guarantee to be thin without watching food.
Of course, not everyone on this forum has been overweight their whole lives, or for decades.
You can't be suspicious of people experiencing something just because YOU haven't experienced it.
The few days I've spent on here, I've learned that we are so different and weight loss has psychological implications and manifestations that vary from a person to another. Let us be tolerant and understanding to each other.
I read your comment and I felt the same way I feel when slim people ask me: "why don't you just watch your food intake?" Because you don't know my reality!
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Old 02-20-2014, 12:57 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkrid View Post
I think the answer is a lot more Primal and bred in the bone.

Humans/primates are programmed to eat a lot of food when they see it. That's how we survived the lean years! And there *were* Lean Years. Type in "Famines" in Google and there's one site which lists the history of famines around the world ~ hundreds of them, everywhere.

And primitive hunter/gatherers have/had to eat all of whatever they find.

DH and I actually had an argument about it, which ended when I retorted, "Excuse me, are YOU an evolutionary biologist? If this wasn't an issue, why would we even *need* will power or discipline?"

I could be wrong, and it's not an excuse, but it's the simplest answer without therapy!
Thank you! This!

We want fat to guard against famine. After our bodies experience a little "famine" in the form of dieting enough to lose weight we want it even more!
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Old 02-20-2014, 01:42 AM   #20
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The problem is that if we were just monkeys on an evolutionary journey then that seems feasible and reasonable even. But we are humans with lots of emotional baggage and hormones and a lifetime of feeling bad about our bodies (for some). I KNOW for me that figuring out the emotional and psychological issues I had was the only way to losing weight. I've not been lazy I work 70-80 hours a week. I've not been misinformed, I've studied nutrition and exercise and what I lacked was motivation. I would imagine for many it's the same. It just kills me that someone else thinks they have MY struggles all figured out!
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Old 02-20-2014, 08:47 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by thirti4thirty View Post
I don't agree with you on this one, freelancemomma. The question here is becoming thin after being fat for a long time, and not being offered the guarantee to be thin without watching food.
I'm not sure you understood my point. I was just presenting a hypothetical scenario as a litmus test for people who claim they're scared to be thin. I'm sure such people exist, but I don't think the phenomenon explains why most people fall short of reaching their weight goals. We often look for convoluted explanations for diet fatigue, when in my opinion it's largely a question of biology. It's hard to keep dieting, and people get physically and mentally exhausted from the effort.

JMHO Freelance
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Old 02-26-2014, 03:54 AM   #22
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well, my problem is honest-to-goodness self-sabotage.

i actually lost weight last month due to horrible acid reflux (post stomach flu). it lasted the whole month, and the weight loss was noticeable. of course, once the acid reflux went away...i gained it back and more. i couldn't seem to stop eating, even though i was uncomfortably full at times.

going to the doctor tomorrow, which i've been avoiding because they will weigh me. silly, eh? but maybe that will knock some sense into me.
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Old 02-26-2014, 11:11 AM   #23
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i was just thinking about this last night. i was thinking about my new mini goal: under 300 by easter. i haven't been under 300 in YEARS! and it was scary to me.
i think that's why i set such lofty, unattainable goals for weight loss in the past. because i'm afraid to do it. i'm afraid to be thin.
i have to let go of this. i want to feel better. i want to see my kids grow up and get married. i want to see my grandbabies. and i can't do that if i keep getting bigger... :/
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Old 02-26-2014, 11:31 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bindii View Post
I think that the fact that this time you have identified the pattern and made a decision that you don't want to repeat it will help you this time.
Exactly! When I identified my problem with dieting (that I want to see results right then and there a week after I start), I told myself to stop it. I had never thought about what my problem was, and once I was able to pinpoint it, it became smooth sailing. I usually quit my diets after one-two weeks; this time around I have been dieting (and losing consistently) for 6 weeks. I have also told myself, and continue to tell myself, that this is my new life and that unhealthy foods are not an option as if they don't exist or I'm terribly allergic to them or whatever. Of course, keeping a tummy full of healthy proteins helps curb those cravings, and that healthy protein is a huge part of the process.

Good luck!

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Old 02-26-2014, 11:44 AM   #25
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I'll weigh in on the biological vs. psychological debate on this thread: Human beings are complex creatures. I suggest we agree that there are biological and psychological reasons why most people find it hard to maintain a weight loss. (I say "most people" because we all know the odds.) And that there are many different psychological reasons.

Personally, I know darn well I'm afraid to shed the fat suit. That's why every single day I have to actively choose what I want for my health over how I feel at any one moment. So far, it's working. =smile=

Psychology is not destiny, any more than biology is: each and every one of us can choose what path we're on. So appreciate your complexity, then commit to what it is you really want in the long run, above and beyond the hubbub of inner voices.
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Old 03-05-2014, 07:27 PM   #26
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I do this too! I start seeing results and then slack on workouts and eating. It might just be a subconscious fear of being noticed or something. That's what I think it is for me. I have ALWAYS been chubby and ALWAYS gain the weight back. But the fact you notice this is good and might help you this time like I'm hoping it helps me this time.
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Old 05-29-2014, 12:07 PM   #27
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I just wanted to bump this up because I struggle with this. I've wondered and I have read a lot about it - the why(s) - but, ultimately, I don't know. I just know that I still do it.

I, too, think the reasons vary for everyone and for me, I do think it is more psychological than biological.
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Old 05-29-2014, 12:13 PM   #28
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I have noticed this with myself all my life. Often it comes after someone notices my weight loss or comments on it. One time it happened after I went to the movies with a male friend and he tried to grope my thigh during amorous scenes. I didn't want to cause a scene and I just tried to subtly discourage him, I felt like I couldn't tell him to stop touching me. After that I went home and ate the WORLD. ( I was young and single back then)

I have mentioned this book around the forums a few times but its because its been a game changer for me. Someone finally did write a book about this and its called Starting Monday by Karen Koenig. It really gets into self sabotage and I found it very helpful.
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Old 05-29-2014, 12:35 PM   #29
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I'm curious to read this book Pink. The title itself is so jarrin and rings so true for those of us who were caught it the revolving door of diets.
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Old 05-29-2014, 01:33 PM   #30
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I struggle with this. Been trying to lose weight for years, and I do! But not to goal, just until I and other people see changes. Then I feel incredibly insecure, and I feel like the comfort of my old eating habits has gone too. I guess I am scared of the changes. Plus, I get to a point where even though I'm not at goal, I look 'good enough' and think I deserve a treat/time off the diet. I don't mean maintenance, I mean 'Ive done the hard work and restriction now I'm going to enjoy myself'. Part of the reason this time is different is because I have identified these feelings and am prepared for them.
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