[Amy Remixed]

I started to write about my recent experiences with my family that I call SABOTAGE. Putting junk food in my face (I did not eat it). Telling me how delicious the junk food tastes (I did not buy it). But my writing started to become a diatribe against people who are otherwise wonderful. So I deleted it.

But what is this undermining by people who should support me? They are the most concerned and most vocal about my need to lose weight. But they are the ones who are my biggest naysayers. Right now the only way I can deal with them is to block out the negative and focus on their positive aspects. I also reduced the number of weekly meals I share with them from two to one.

Anyone else here experiencing sabotage from loved ones? How are you dealing with it?

[PreciousMissy]

I'm not currently having issues, but I did in the past, from people who thought it was funny to tease me about what they were eating (and they really shouldn't have been) and tell me how "yummy" it was.

One day I sat them down and said "I'm trying to do this so I don't have to be overweight anymore. Refraining from eating those things is hard enough, having you tease me about it just makes me feel worse and makes it harder."

They cared enough to stop.

[fairandfree]

I haven't had any issues yet... and I'd be surprised and shocked if anyone DID make an issue and shove "tasty" food in my face. And if they did I would probably have already been having a bad day and would then start crying and they would immediately feel like jerks, lol. But I think what you may need to do is let them know how they are making you feel. What losing this weight means to you. What THEIR support means to you. See where it goes from there.

[MAK247]

I have had a couple coworkers try to 'peer pressure' me into eating junk. I've had a couple close calls and almost caved, but I feel like the more I resist the urge to eat the junk food, the stronger I get for next time. Now they don't really bug me about it unless they are trying to go in on a group order for lunch, even then if I say no, they drop it.

I think people do this for two reasons. The first is habit, they are used to you joining in and sharing the enjoyment of whatever food is being had. The second is self doubt or insecurity about their own eating habits and maybe they feel like the new healthier you is judging the same old unhealthy them. I'm not saying you are, but it may be in the back if their mind.

[LordieBee]

I had an experience with this just today! I have a good friend that works over night in the area and we meet up for breakfast on my days off. We typically end up at IHOP where I can get "simple & fit" meals. I'm happy with that. My friend, whose significantly smaller, orders the fried appetizer platter she knows she wont finish. It featured enough greasy delicious food for multiple people. She kept offering my food through out the meal. I felt obligated to take an onion ring and cheese stick. (I totally wanted it)
I just wonder how these people remain smaller than me.

[bakermom817]

who want you to fail. You have to want to be as successful with your fitness journey as badly as you want to breathe. It is that serious. The way I deal with people who SABATAGE is simple. I CONSTANTLY work on developing myself everyday. I read or listen to POSITIVE information and people. One of my ABSOLUTE favorite books that I listen to DAILY is THE COMPOUND EFFECT by Darren Hardy. Another GREAT read or listen too is EAT THAT FROG by Brian Tracy (you can find the audio on youtube). The more you work on yourself to do and be better EVERYDAY, the easier it becomes to deal with negative people.

[wishfuiiy]

my family tries their damnest, but i know it's joking coming from them. they used to get offended when i would tell them no, or they would say things like, "break your diet for this ONE occasion!" i explained to them that i can't or would not do that. i have to plan to break my diet and even then, it's hard for me to not feel guilty for doing.

[Zima]

My brother will pressure me to have a bite of whatever he is eating. He will actually shove food in my face. He thinks like a girl, so I'm guessing he wants to derail me so I'm not too much "hotter" than him. Lol.

[Torii]

Ogods this is how I even gained weight..my family was never healthy and they made food ALL THE TIME so it was hard to say no to food always being there ready and made..

it took me a LONG time to finally say NO or just not eat it and have something that was healthier or at least LESS of whatever was made

they still do it sometimes but I ignore them. They know I'm on a diet and the only person I need to remind is myself and keep telling myself its okay to say no~

[Munchy]

Originally Posted by Zima

My brother will pressure me to have a bite of whatever he is eating. He will actually shove food in my face. He thinks like a girl, so I'm guessing he wants to derail me so I'm not too much "hotter" than him. Lol.

Haha! When I was a kid and first went vegetarian, my brothers used to tease me with bites of food, then tell me "that cracker had MEAT IN IT!!" etc.

I'm lucky in that my family, friends, and coworkers don't really pressure me to eat anything. In fact, they often ask me to cook or give them pointers (I used to have a catering business).

[TamTam]

Originally Posted by LordieBee

I had an experience with this just today! I have a good friend that works over night in the area and we meet up for breakfast on my days off. We typically end up at IHOP where I can get "simple & fit" meals. I'm happy with that. My friend, whose significantly smaller, orders the fried appetizer platter she knows she wont finish. It featured enough greasy delicious food for multiple people. She kept offering my food through out the meal. I felt obligated to take an onion ring and cheese stick. (I totally wanted it)
I just wonder how these people remain smaller than me.

They give the food to their friends to eat.

[ShyHeather]

No one in my family does this, thankfully. Yes, we have parties. But they do not try to force anything on me, well okay, the grandma does, but that is more because of how she is. She has worked as a hostess, server, etc... all her life, and has had a large family to take care of and keep fed. I almost think this is just second nature, and she just knows that for some people you do have to keep asking.


Sides, truthfully, I don't need family to do that. I do enough self-sabotage to make up for the lack of people doing this.

[schenectady]

Amyremixed - I absolutely can identify with your challenge of sabotage. In the past years and diets, I only sensed it or was guessing at it but then said I was too sensitive.

This time, I KNOW it and it involves my husband, whom I dearly love. We got out to a restaurant at his request and it drives him crazy that I will not eat like he does (and like I often have). Yesterday, he must have asked me three times "Are you sure you don't want any of the crunchy hash browns - I saved them just for you".

Now I know that in the past, I did eat them, but this tone went on...would you like the crispy piece of bacon, creamer in my coffee, etc. It seems to make him very uncomfortable to have a "new" me around him. That makes me sad but I will hold firm. We may have issues to deal with in another 50 pounds - or maybe by setting a good example, he will decide to follow?

[betsy2013]

Amyremixed -- first, congratulations on focusing on the fact that they're really people who are very important in your life and that overall, they're great people. Hard to keep in mind sometimes with family.

While I'm sure that there's definitely some of the "oh just have a bite, it won't hurt you mentality" going on here, one thing I realized with my own family at eating events is that their "knowledge" of what works and doesn't from a dieting perspective is not their primary focus as it is with me. My BIL is diabetic and really has to watch how many carbs he has at every meal. The last time we had a family dinner, the kids had a delicious meal, but one which neither my BIL nor I could eat much of -- steak, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, garlic bread, and a caesar salad already dressed. Nothing wrong with the meal -- kind of the all American cookout meal. But some steamed broccoli would have been great and not having the salad dressed ahead of time would have made all the difference in the world.

It hit me that they weren't doing this out of any desire to sabotage us -- although it felt that way -- but for them it was probably more of a what will taste good, be easy to prepare, and not take all weekend to fix. I know they cleaned house AND went to the grocery store that morning, so sometimes family meals are just a reflection of this is easiest/quickest/sure to be eaten efforts rather than always having the dieting mindset in place.

When I look at it from their perspective, they may wonder why I spend a good part of every day thinking about food, its calorie content, what to prep for tomorrow, etc.

[weightloss1]

That's the spirit that you don't mind about whats your family doing on you.

Continue what you're doing if they see the results they will be proud of you

I don't encounter problems same with yours.