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Disgusting... I desperately need help.

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Old 07-28-2013, 12:07 AM   #1
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Unhappy Disgusting... I desperately need help.

I used to weigh 326 lbs. After a year and some change and a lot of diabetes trouble, I got all the way down to 180 lbs. I was so proud of myself. Vegetarian, healthy eater, and -finally- good blood sugar.

I just moved from Louisville, KY to California to be with my boyfriend and start a new job... and since I got here, its been nothing but bad for my health. No inspiration to eat right, eating so much out of sheer boredom at my new desk job, and today things went from bad to worse.

Today I've eaten two hamburgers, two orders of fries, chicken tenders, coleslaw, cereal, rolls... and I'm officially disgusted with myself. I barely fit into anything I own anymore, and am back up to 200 lbs.

I know it's because I'm still in a new situation; we don't have a refrigerator right now to store the healthy foods that I used to live on... I still don't have my own mode of transportation so I depend on my boyfriend to take me to get food until we get a new refrigerator (which is pricy!!) And my boyfriend is the type who will go an entire day without eating and so I have this mentality that I don't know when the next time I'm going to eat will be so I gorge myself on whatever I can grab. It's.... it's so bad.

Not to mention, now that I work a desk job, I'm constantly snacking out of boredom. I'm still so lost when I step out of my house and work such awkward hours that I haven't found a time or place to work out. Top it with missing the holy heck out of my family and pets... I'm set up for serious depression and overeating.

Please... any advice well help. I'm so disgusted with myself right now. Anybody know a way to help push me in the right direction again?

Also... if anyone else needs a diet buddy, someone who you can text or talk to and report what you ate or exercised that day, I'm totally up for that. I need someone who can keep me in line, preferably someone who would benefit from that.
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Old 07-28-2013, 12:16 AM   #2
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Tell the boyfriend, this isn't working! Move back home. If he really wants you, he will follow! If he doesn't, oh well!

You'll be better off!

Sacrificing your health and happiness for a relationship, is not the way you should treat yourself.
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Old 07-28-2013, 01:21 AM   #3
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Hang in there!! You've done it before you can totally do it again! I'm planning on a huuge international move soon so I will be in the same situation as you! I'm really new to 3FC but would totally be down to be accountabilabudies (accountability +buddies...) :P

I've never been to California, what's the public transportation situation like over there? I lived in Germany as an exchange student and we'd have to take the bus with bookbags and go shopping and bring all our food home. It wasn't bad, plus it was exercise! You really had to think " do I need this?" Or maybe not sometimes...

As far as a refridgerator! Hmm that's tough. Tons of healthy foods don't need to be kept cool: beans, nuts, nut butters, avocados, apples other fruits, dried fruits, jerky, rice...I'm kind of struggling to think as I go, but it can be done! No situation is hopeless.

I know it's super expensive to eat out so much but there's gotta be different alternatives to fried foods and hamburgers out there. It's so stressful, what you're going through right now but! You can absolutely move forward.

Hope this helps!
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Old 07-28-2013, 01:24 AM   #4
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Old 07-28-2013, 01:25 AM   #5
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Yikes, the no fridge thing is tough. Do you at least have a fridge at work that you could keep some healthy snacks like carrots in, so you have something good there to snack on when you're bored?

How far away is your closest grocery? Maybe you could walk there to pick up food. Then you're getting your exercise, controlling what you eat, and not waiting on someone else's schedule.

Also, try looking on craigslist for a fridge. Even some college kid's used mini-fridge is better than nothing!
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Old 07-28-2013, 01:28 AM   #6
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Hmm..I can understand this..it seems like whenever I move I get into that habit where everything changes and I forget what was keeping me healthy. I blame bf's too since they don't EVER seem to gain it feels like its alright to go out to eat everyday hahaha

But when I was in cali after getting settled in I actually didn't even eat that much..I had just dinner basically and rode my bike every morning and was loosing a lot..

then I moved again and gained it all back..rofl. so yeah..just take it day by day, get settled..do little things like trying to save your lunch and not think about food..

if you want I'm about the same weight and working hard to lose it, so if you do indeed want a buddy to encourage you and try to motivate, lemme know! I wouldn't mind some myself~
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Old 07-28-2013, 01:35 AM   #7
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You will work out where and how to get access to your healthy foods. A lot of them can be brought and will keep for a few days without refrigeration, especially fruit and veg. Legumes, rice, pasta etc all the same as they are pantry foods. So I am not concerned about that, you will just need to have a good sit down chat with the boyfriend and basically tell him that in order to respect yourself you need to do this, and he will need to respect that about you. If he is any good he will adjust to help you.

What I will recommend for you is Beck's Diet Solution as a reading to help get the motivation and mindset back on track. There is a 3FC thread on here where you can get more info and support as well.

You have determination, courage and willpower - you have proven that. As things around you settle down your coping skills will not feel so overwhelmed and your reliance on food will decrease again. Find one thing you can change and do it. It may be very small and not much at first (eg buy a bulk bag of almonds and package them up as a snack for work).

Once you have done one thing - do another, then another, then another. We can solve one problem at a time. Trying to figure them all out at once - not so easy. Eventually you will be looking for the next problem to solve and it will hit you - there isn't one.
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Old 07-28-2013, 02:01 AM   #8
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Hm, I don't know exactly what your food choices are around there, but.. If you have the possibility, try finding some kind of healthy fast food solutions. Most places that sell hamburgers and fries should have a salad option (though the dressings for those have a lot of fatty stuff in them so if possible you should only use vinegar and spices, maybe a bit of oil).

Also, if you're leaning towards being a vegetarian, soy is a very healthy choice and it lasts very long without a fridge. On top of that, there are many veggies that last a good few days without being refrigerated.

And, as someone said, if the grocery store is within walkable distance, you can get your healthy food + exercise at the same time.

I hope it all works out for you, and don't give up!
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Old 07-28-2013, 07:26 AM   #9
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Regarding the boredom eating: it's a MAJOR trigger for me too. I need to keep busy or I want to eat!

I've swapped out boredom eating for "boredom drinking" and I drink zero calorie beverages instead of eating. Sure, I have to pee a lot, but it gives me an excuse to walk around AND I stick to my calorie goals.
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Old 07-28-2013, 08:36 AM   #10
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Sounds tough, but even with only the worst of foods available you can count calories. Of course that isn't the ideal way to go but doing so would give you some measure of control.

Going without a fridge has to be hard though...
Perhaps check Craigslist or used appliance stores for a cheap used fridge. If there's a fridge at work perhaps you can store a weeks supply of healthy snacks there.

I second the suggestion to take public transportation or possibly walk to a nearby grocery. Where there's a will, there's a way... usually.

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Old 07-28-2013, 08:40 AM   #11
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Default Fruit and veg

I think the most important thing is that you get some fruit or veg in because your body needs the nutrients which they provide. A piece of fruit it literally ready to eat so you cannot get faster food than that! It doesn't have to be stored in a fridge either. You can quickly peel a carrot and eat it raw to get in some veg and a bag of carrots doesn't cost much.

Ideally I would say try to have a juice like the one at haysystemdiet.com/recipes/kewi_and_veg_juice.html but I appreciate this may not straight forward for you. The reason I say try juicing is because this would dramatically boost you nutrient intake and it seems with your boyfriend you will inevitably eat some wrong things so this would some what compensate for that.
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Old 07-28-2013, 09:40 AM   #12
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I agree with sontaikle's notion of boredom drinking. I work at a desk all day too, and instead of snacking, i make sure I fill up my water bottle and drink tea throughout the day. I made it a rule that I wouldn't snack at my desk - I go to the break room for an 11am snack, and then my lunch is filling enough to get me through the day.

Good luck - it's tough being in a new state and trying to adjust with a new place, new job, etc.

Good luck and keep us posted!
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Old 07-28-2013, 10:14 AM   #13
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Where in Cali are you? I mean it's not like we are not health conscious here haha! But, public transportation can be a nightmare if you are in SoCal. Find a Trader Joes or Whole Foods, get a bike, a small cooler, shop daily and keep work snacks in the work fridge. Problems not solved, but it's a start!

Starting over in a new place is always hard, and very stressful. Not to mention the culture shock of coming to Cali from Kentucky. We are different here for sure!!! But give it some time and a chance to get adjusted. Talk to your boyfriend and if after 6 months you Are still not feeling it, talk to him again about going home.
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Old 07-28-2013, 10:58 AM   #14
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First of all, your situation is difficult even when you're not trying to maintain or lose weight. Moving to a new place, especially when you don't have control over so many things is very stressful. If you were originally from a very different environment, moving to CA can seem like not only a new state, but a new country.

I would say concentrate on damage control and harm reduction first and foremost. Don't worry about losing weight, but focus on getting nutrients, keeping as many of your former habits intact as possible, and not gaining.

To that end, you may want to consider the following to help with your logistical problem:
  • Subscribe to Freecycle and Craigslist in your area so you get early notification of free things that may help you or can ask for things (like a bicycle or refrigerator).
  • Look into local "welcome wagon" or community services to see if there is someone who can provide assistance in getting settled. Not having a refrigerator is a big deal and there may be an agency that can help you out. Call around and see what people will do. It may seem embarrassing, but those agencies are there to help.
  • Check the public transportation system to see what might work for you.

To help with the food acquisition issue:
  • Look into buying food by mail order. Walmart is cheap and they do sell some food. Other places are more expensive, but will also deliver. Amazon also has food, including a lot of diet food.
  • Investigate shelf-stable food (that is sold in single-serving ready to eat packages) and look into what will "keep". Things like oatmeal in a cup that you just add hot water to, fruit, and most vegetables will keep outside of a refrigerator. This is not ideal nutritionally, but better than gorging on fast food.
  • Again, check local public services to see if they can help you with getting out to shop. You may be able to volunteer some place that will include shopping for the elderly or disabled people and get your food at the same time. This is, however, a long shot.

To deal with the boredom:
  • Plan to be bored and have a plan of action at your job. For example, when you want to eat, have a list of activities that you will do instead. This can include writing in a diary, reading something which is appropriate at your work, doing some small maintenance task that is acceptable for your position (get up and straighten or clean something), sort something, do some stretches with your legs under your desk if you can do so without being seen, go to the bathroom, or do an easy or complex mental exercise like play back a scene in a T.V. show, book, or movie you love and have seen many times from beginning to end. Use the boring time to think of things to do when you're bored.
  • At home, if you're bored, the obvious answer is to take a walk, get to know your neighborhood, and see what your options are. If it's in walking distance, the local library is a fantastic option. Also, in my area and those near me, there are lists of free activities online (movies, musical performances, author readings, art and craft festivals, etc.). Search for "free activities your area's name" and you'll eventually find such a list as well. Go to those things whether you're completely comfortable or not. You'll feel weird at first but eventually you'll feel better and less bored. Develop interests. Don't wait for them to find you. Interest is something we cultivate, not magically possess.

Finally, if there is a hotline for people who are having emotional or mental health issues, call it and talk to someone about what you're experiencing. Such hotlines aren't only for people in dire situations (like suicide) in most cases. See if there is a way to find support emotionally. What you're experiencing is very hard and your boyfriend may not be able to provide the emotional support you need since he's not in a new environment (and may not know about weight loss challenges). He may be kind or a lovely person, but some people can't put themselves in your shoes. However, I'd still suggest talking to him as unemotionally as possible about how you feel and seeing if you both can face it together and find a plan of action to help you with dealing with the food problem as well as the adjustment issues.

Like you, I have to know where I stand with my eating for the most part or I lose track. I know why you are gorging on junk when you have it because you are afraid of being insanely hungry later. You need "food security" and you'll have to be creative to work around the things standing in your way.

Given how stressed you must be with all of the changes and limits, it's going to be an enormous challenge finding the mental wherewithall to do anything that I've suggested. Try to tackle one at a time and be patient with yourself. You lost weight before. You can lose it again. Give yourself the time needed to adjust, but do start to make the effort to master your new environment as best you can. Good luck.
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Old 07-28-2013, 11:09 AM   #15
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I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the logistics of your new living situation have very little to do with your current weight gain. I'm not saying this to judge you, because I did the very same thing when I moved to Toronto almost 30 years ago: proceeded to gain 20 pounds in record time. I'm only trying to help you explore the deeper reasons for your gain, such as stress, nervousness about your new environment, uncertainty about the future, diet fatigue, excitement, new restaurant temptations, whatever.

I believe that once you recommit to losing your excess weight, you can do it in ANY financial, geographical or logistical circumstances. You don't have to eat 100% "healthy," you just have to eat fewer calories. Other people have mentioned practical solutions to the no-fridge situation. Write down some of those solutions and start living them, one meal at a time.

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