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Totally, 100% unsupportive spouse.

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Old 07-20-2013, 05:11 PM   #1
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Default Totally, 100% unsupportive spouse.

This is about my husband. It seems like no matter what, he will do everything and anything in his power to make sure I fail, whether it be throwing a tantrum because I'm eating less than he is, constantly griping about not having "real food" A.K.A junk and bad for you foods, which I do keep in the house for him, constantly whining that he wants pizza or chinese take out (which I told him he could get but NOOOO because I'm not having any he just whines more) or like today, saying I can't go to the movies with him unless I either get popcorn or nachos, neither of which I want, and saying if I want anything to drink I MUST get a regular soda and not my usual diet soda.

I've known him for a decade, and he's 28 years old for crying out loud!

I know he's upset that I am dieting and is probably not used to it but he's acting like a CHILD! I have yet to give in or cheat on my diet, I just feel as though it's a matter of time with all his constant complaining.

I have tried telling him I really want to lose this weight and I'm doing it for my health but he tries feeding me garbage about how this diet doesn't work, this one, and that one, lots of carbs and sat. fats are really good for you and how diet soda really makes you fatter, household scales aren't accurate, weighing your food is stupid, etc.
(please no one crucify me for the diet soda, I know how bad for me it is, no need to rub it in)

Ugh I just need support from ANYONE at this point.

Last edited by Mizeria : 07-20-2013 at 05:12 PM.
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Old 07-20-2013, 05:17 PM   #2
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Wow. Sounds like an ex-boyfriend of mine!

Stick to your guns!!!! You're doing great so far!
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Old 07-20-2013, 05:21 PM   #3
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Men are so insecure. Your DH is probably afraid that you will get to goal and be attractive to other guys. This may be true but you don't have to act on it.
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Old 07-20-2013, 05:33 PM   #4
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You are in charge of your body and what you consume. If you give into his manipulative demands you are helping to perpetuate the problem. If you don't feel like you have a choice but to give in to his demands, then it's emotional abuse.

If my hubs told me want I can and can't eat (in any situation) he'd quickly become the ex-hubs... Being in a relationship isn't about controlling your spouse, it's about supporting each other in a quest for a happy fulfilling life.
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Old 07-20-2013, 05:38 PM   #5
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Thanks, although since that post I may have cheated a little, and by a little I mean I ate 2 containers of 5 cal jello snacks that I didn't plan for today, mwahahahaha! I'M SO EEEEEVIL.


Anyway, I'm wondering if that's the case, him being insecure that is, or if he's genuinely upset that I want to lose weight and better myself (he's always had a thing for bigger ladies ). I just wish he was more supportive, I'm fine with cooking his dinner separate from mine, but the constant griping is getting to me. He also flips cookies if I mention calories or why I can't have something. I just don't get it >_<
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Old 07-20-2013, 05:39 PM   #6
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He's not my ex, is he?
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Old 07-20-2013, 06:15 PM   #7
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Elladorine, I may have dated him too!
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Old 07-20-2013, 06:37 PM   #8
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Been there, done that, got the divorce papers to prove it.

Not saying that's where you'll end up. This is an opportunity for growth for both of you. But if only one of you grows, life gets super uncomfortable for the other one. Most people are together because they are emotionally evenly matched and they break up when one grows past that and the other one doesn't find value in the growth.

I don't want to scare you into quitting on your efforts just to save your relationship. You keep right on doing what you're doing. And keep on being your true self. That's the only way to be happy, whether you're in a committed relationship or not.
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:20 PM   #9
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This is most definitely his own insecurity coming out in childish ways. He sees you being successful at having self-control & not giving in & he sees that as an attack on his own ego, because perhaps he would like to lose some weight too. He probably has some depression or personality issues that make it difficult for him to adapt to change. Especially life-changes that are beyond his control. Like you changing yourself into a healthy eater. It is quite common for individuals, esp men, to have difficult time adapting to change. & when it's regarding another person's success at weight loss, it can cause feelings of subconscious jealousy that they might not be aware of.

It is quite common for people that are losing weight to have loved ones or close friends become the "diet saboteurs" It's their problem not yours! You are doing great & they are a little bit green with envy & it makes them try to bring you down to their level. Don't give in! He's being selfish & childish... I'm sure if you google "how to deal with diet saboteurs" you will find some help with how to talk to them. Sorry I can't offer any specific... other than to just keep up the good work!
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:26 PM   #10
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His behavior is so disgusting.
Stick to your guns!
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:52 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperHeroTeacher View Post
You are in charge of your body and what you consume. If you give into his manipulative demands you are helping to perpetuate the problem. If you don't feel like you have a choice but to give in to his demands, then it's emotional abuse.

If my hubs told me want I can and can't eat (in any situation) he'd quickly become the ex-hubs... Being in a relationship isn't about controlling your spouse, it's about supporting each other in a quest for a happy fulfilling life.
Yes this! My husband has always been as supportive and helpful as he could (he has his own eating issues as well). I would not be ok with someone trying to control what I eat - it's a trigger to me to binge. I told my husband that I never want him to comment on what/how much I eat. I am an adult and can make my food decisions. Having people comment on what I eat makes me feel like I'm back in my childhood with my sisters saying stupid crap to me (which caused me to binge more).

But his "preference" for bigger women shouldn't force you to live a way you don't want to live.

I don't know. It's not something that I'd ever be ok with.
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:56 PM   #12
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Have you tried asking him outright why he is being so unsupportive? It sounds like maybe your guys should discuss what exactly his issues with you losing weight are.
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Old 07-20-2013, 08:02 PM   #13
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or like today, saying I can't go to the movies with him unless I either get popcorn or nachos, neither of which I want, and saying if I want anything to drink I MUST get a regular soda and not my usual diet soda.
Whaaaaat? I hope you promptly informed him that if he doesn't want to lose some teeth, he can promptly kiss your shrinking derriere.

We've all had partners that have one time or another not been the most supportive, but there's no way I could put up with some one that acted like that. This is more than just a lack of support. This is very controlling behavior.
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Old 07-20-2013, 09:25 PM   #14
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This is EXACTLY what my boyfriend used to do. He did it for years, and ended up sabatoging many of my diets.

He finally came out and admitted that he was afraid of me getting thin because I'd get attention from other men and he was afraid I'd leave him.

Since then it's been better, but he still insists he knows better when it comes to what I should eat and how I should exercise. It's very irritating.

Your best bet is probably to tell him you'll leave him if he DOESN'T let you diet. Looking back, that's probably the only thing that would've maybe worked for my situation.
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Old 07-21-2013, 12:51 AM   #15
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Ask him why he's sabotaging your efforts to be healthy.
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