Struggling
So, the last 4 days I have been eating more processed food and less veggies and eating more calories than I should. I shouldn't gain any weight this week, but I also won't lose any, either.
I'm not sure why I have fallen out of my habits. I don't feel emotionally different or more stressed than I did a couple weeks ago when I was zooming through my diet.
Hmm... yesterday I ate no whole foods and felt sick as a dog. That alone has made me feel motivation for getting back on track. I'm so close to my goal right now. This backsliding seems ridiculous.
I guess this hump has been a good experience, though. When I start maintenance, I guess there will be times in my life where I eat crap, or go over my daily calories. I guess how I learn to handle this now, will determine how smoothly I come back next time.
Okay, here's my list for moving on:
1. I'm not perfect. That's okay.
2. I want to feel good, or at least a level of good-normal which comes from eating mostly unprocessed food.
3. I love myself and I am worth striving for feeling good.
4. I need to be more attunded to my feelings. I have missed the nuances of emotion that led to my backsliding.
5. And... there's something else, I'm not sure how to put it in to words.... like, I lost track of the image in my mind of being successful and motivated. Like, I didn't develop a negative self image, I just stopped tending the positive one.
Maybe, also,
the image I had started out with no longer fit. I need to reimagine myself again? Reassess what successful and motivated look like, as it pertains to me now vs. me 2 months ago?
Well, I'm not sure.
So yeah, I've fallen of track and that's ok. And if, no... when, I learn from it, the setback will have made me stronger and wiser. Damnit.
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