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Old 07-14-2013, 08:00 AM   #1
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Unhappy Overwhelmed by everything

I have not been here for a while but this place really helped me out when I was dedicated.

So I am, as you can figure, overwhelmed...

I am overwhelmed by loosing weight. For me to get where I need to be from 188 to 160 and what it takes to do that, it seems like everything is against me. This month, I was at 184 and in 4 days I jumped back to 188. I am starting to think that I will never be able to drop these pounds. Its been two months and I cant focus on my eating and exercise because of friends and family and all the parties and eating and eating and EATING

Not only and I overwhelmed with my weight-loss, I'm overwhelmed with planning this wedding! I'm getting married in February of next year, a little less than 8 months away and I am doing it almost ALL on my own!! My future husband dose not make any effort to make appointments or decisions. Which means I have to run around myself and do everything on my own. Mind you, I also work a full time job.

I am overwhelmed by my house. My house is in a constant state of disarray. There is always cloths everywhere, filth everywhere, clutter everywhere... why? Cause I am the only person in my house who cleans anything!!! I do all the laundry and the cleaning and the cooking.... And my future husband just leaves things EVERYWHERE!!!!!!! Right now there is a HUGE air compressor sitting in the middle of my kitchen!! He throws things everywhere and when I talk to him about it he basically tells me that "you always point out my messes, but yours never counts." Its like fighting the tide.

I'm fat, I'm stressed, and I'm about to cry. I'm so tired and overwhelmed
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Old 07-14-2013, 09:24 AM   #2
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First of all, I want to send you lots and lots of . You are doing the best you can but you have a lot going on right now.

I know you didn't ask but I hope you don't mind me asking you a question. Do you feel like you could be married to someone who doesn't help you out? Marriage is a partnership and both parties have to contribute. Once kids enter the equation, planning a wedding will seem like a joke in comparison. I am really hesitant to say all of this because it was unsolicited so if you're upset about it, please forgive me...but I just can really see that there's something going on here that isn't fair.

Ok, so back to your question. The first thing I would do, is stop all of the parties, guests, outings that involve food. I've done that myself. I have turned people down and made myself unavailable to certain events because I'm trying to focus on my weight loss. I still can't get out of everything but I try to truly limit. If you can just stop with all that, you will see your weight drop down again and when that's under control, you'll feel more in control and better equipped to handle the other stressors.

With regards to wedding plans, could you ask a girlfriend to help you out? Perhaps your maid of honor? Having a full time job leaves little room for planning a wedding but giving a friend or two some jobs to do can make it a lot easier and if you trust them, then their opinion can help you make better decisions.

With regards to the mess in the home, just do the best you can. Nobody is coming to inspect it so don't worry too much. Also, FORCE your man to clean up. Don't drop hints either. Sit down with him and tell him calmly that you truly need his help. From now on, he's going to do the dishes on Monday's, Wednesday's and Fridays, while you do them on Tuesday's and Thursday's. On the following week, you'll switch. He will also do laundry and with a similar schedule and you will both alternate. If he leaves his stuff on the ground, you tell him to pick it up. Don't yell or stomp your foot.

People treat us the way we allow them to. Right now should be a blissful time in your life and instead, it's full of stress and negativity. I suggest turning it around and making it what you want it to be and if the man in your life doesn't want to contribute, then think about it and ask yourself if love is enough.
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Old 07-14-2013, 09:39 AM   #3
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Sounds like you should be calling him your future ex-husband haha. But seriously, I know you're asking advice about losing weight but you're deflecting your own question towards how unsatisfied you are with the way things are between you. Other people don't bear responsibility for our actions. Always remember that. It doesn't make sense to say "I can't focus on myself because I have to clean up my fiance's mess." Take the initiative to work on what's really bothering you, which is the fact that you are entering into a partnership that is not equal. Marriage does not make relationships better, it makes them harder. Children make it tenfold harder. You should have a plan in place as to how the home should function - empower yourself to address that first.

When it comes to diet and exercise don't try to motivate yourself under these conditions. Don't depend on having the motivation to care about this so much. Instead put a plan in place and stick to it. Just commit to it and consider it the easy part. It's easier said than done, but only you can work on you. Good luck!
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Old 07-14-2013, 09:48 AM   #4
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I agree with luckymommy! I had that problem in the beginning with my husband and I sat him down and told him how I felt. Honesty and communication are the fundimentals of any relationship. Especially since I am the worker in the house and my husband is going to school full time to become a mechanic. He cooks all the meals and we both clean the house on my day off. I do the dishes and laundry...etc etc. Try different things and figure out a schedule that works for both of you! If you're relationship isn't 50/50, then there is something that needs to be discussed.

As far as your weight loss. If you are going to a party or event with food, try eating a healthy meal or snack before you go. You can be social without having to eat. I often politely decline foods that I know I shouldn't have OR I get a small plate and take a small spoonfull of XYZ food so I can have a taste that doesn't ruin my diet. I also have been very vocal with friends and family about my weight loss and have asked that if they are going to cook food, to please have one or two healthy options for me.

Good luck with everything! When in doubt, since Bob Marley "Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright!" My anthem!
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Old 07-14-2013, 01:12 PM   #5
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I've been where you are, right down to the air compressor sitting in my kitchen lol.

It takes time to work out household specifics between anyone. And I find with so many of us women are bothered by different types of messes than guys are. Talking about what type of things have to be kept up on and who is going to do what is the only way to divide up the housework in a way that will keep you both happy.

I think wedding stuff might have the same issue too. Details are usually very important to the women who are planning it, while the guys tend to take a more relaxed and back seat approach. I think what others have said is right, it's more about explaining that you need help than anything else.

With so much else going on, try and make small changes to encourage a healthier lifestyle and weight loss, don't take on too much at once. They'll add up over the next 8 months.
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Old 07-14-2013, 03:12 PM   #6
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Hugs

You need to talk to your fiancÚ. Things will not magically get better once you're married. Lay the groundwork now!

Congrats on your upcoming wedding and good luck with your weight loss
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Old 07-14-2013, 11:07 PM   #7
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Ya know there is no law that says, just because you've been together and you've been planning this that you can't back out and say, "not going there"

If this relationship is not good for you, ditch it!

Pack your stuff and move on in search of greener pastures!
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Old 07-15-2013, 01:29 AM   #8
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It sounds like this isnt so much about your weight as absolute dissatisfaction.

Before my wedding i got uber fat and uber stressy. My husband quit his job LOL (i could have killed him) and was at home looking for another one while not doing much housework at all! We lived in a small flat so it was really irritating to come home from work and find dishes piled up laundry not done etc. in a small space things have to be tidy!

However he did cook all the meals (this isnt housework to my husband, its vun) and dinner would be on the table he would drive out to pick me up from work every evening. And when i say dinner i mean carefully marinated monkfish skewers, lovingly prepared dishes. he would make sure i was fed, watered and warmed. I realised after a while that my husband and i have different priorities. We just dont see the same things in the same way. However he pulls his weight in other ways.

Every relationship is different, ask yourself if how you are feeling is a true reflection of him, is it just frustration? Does he do stuff that balances the burden of general stuff to do? If not give him chore, or do stuff together, like a sunday clean up. I'm not working right now so i do most of the housework, my husband likes cooking but he makes a complete bloody mess and isnt always reliable on the cleaning up front. So i started helping him out while hes doing his thing by doing bits of washing up, cutting veg etc. he kinda took notice and makes a point of doing the same when i'm cooking and hes around.

My relationship is far from perfect and there is an imbalance in what we bring to the table, i do more housework (always have lol) but he does more of other things which are equally valuable.

Also on the weight front, just try to be consistent, ditch some of the eating get togethers, plus you'll give yourself more space to do the wedding prep without always being stretched for time. I struggled with my weight just before i got hitched and i kept trying to diet and i got bigger and bigger. One bit of advice on pre wedding diets if you are feeling this stressed out i think you are better off maintaining your weight and focus on taking some of the strain you are feeling off your plate. Divide it up into areas that are bothering you, if you can fix them do so, if you cant accept them. Prayer of serenity and all that.

Good luck x

Last edited by Sheena82 : 07-15-2013 at 01:30 AM.
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