Well, I was a "big boned" kid all my life.... It's funny how we always blame things on genetics (yes it plays a small factor, but not to the extent of the excuses we use, haha)
I have ALWAYS been stared at by people, especially in clothing stores...
I've had my baby brother tell me I was fat
My Grandpa stares at me when I eat, and then proceeds to lecture me about not getting seconds, and asking if I had enough yet... (this has gone on since I was 7 years old at least, and he hasnt stopped)
I didn't fit on half the rides at the amusement park when I went the last two times
I think a big moment was when my aunt blamed me once when I was around 9 years old when my cousin and I climbed up on a bunk bed, and the flimsy mattress holder broke in half, and she told me I was "too big" to be on the bed with anyone
Another big factor is when numerous boys have told me "well, even if you aren't beautiful on the outside, you are beautiful on the inside, and one of the nicest people ever! (Huh, apparently appearances matter in this day and age, who would'a thunk? haha)
I remember thinking that I never wanted my thighs to be as big and as chunky as my Grandma's thighs, and I looked down one day (recently) and realized they were starting to look just like my grandmas....
I also had a big problem with emergency surgery this past January, I was hospitalized for 6 days, and they had some minor issues with the surgery due to my weight...
I've always dreaded having to be lifted up in fear someone will hurt themselves...
I've dreamed of getting big bear hugs were you get picked up and spun, and I've thought to myself, that will never be me... But I plan to change that!
Its so sad to see the abuse that people have endured from being chubby, and the hurt and anger it can cause.... In my job (I work at a college), I see the abuse even now, it's like the bullies never grow up, and the emotional problems it causes is so devastating...
Well... I've been overweight almost all my life, especially when I began hitting puberty.
Anyways... I've had a few "a ha" moments myself...
#1 I had a great aunt who I adored. She was in a nursing home that my grandmother was the director of nursing for... I used to go everyday in the summer and sit with her and read her some of her poetry...just talk.
Anyways, when she was on her death bed in hospice, I came in the room, with nearly my whole family there, and she said "you'd be so pretty if you weren't so fat"... broke my heart, still to this day.
#2 In middle school, a boy called one of my guy friends "gay" which really upset him, so I asked him why he had to be so mean and to just be quiet. So he then told me "why do you have to be so fat, just shut your big fat mouth" ... that one hurt. And of course everyone around "oooooooohed"
#3 A few summers ago (I had actually lost quite a bit of weight). My fiance had told me that one of his friends, when drunk, gets really attracted to overweight girls (I called bs, I think it's just him showing his true colors). Anyways, we were all hanging out, he was drinking a lot, got drunk, and kept hugging me.... ugh I was so disgusted.
#4 In high school, I went on a youth group trip to West Virginia. We were tubing down a river, everyone was flipping each other off the tubes and into the water. A boy was just about to flip me, when my pastor sternly said to him "not this one, it's not safe." Meaning that, I wasn't physically strong enough to pull myself into my tube (which I was). I just wanted to die.
My mother couldn't stop talking about how fat I was. She was petite and pretty and had 3 big, fat kids. She constantly expressed her disgust at how we looked (she was also alcoholic and bipolar). My father and his side of the family are all overweight.
When I was 9 years old, my mother put me on a liquid diet and diet pills. When that didn't work, she would scream at me and tell me that nobody wants a fat girl.
I honestly don't know how I survived that but it is probably why I started eating more.
Last edited by doingmybest; 07-31-2013 at 06:00 PM.
Age 8: A few friends and I wanted to make a human pyramid, and decided the people that weighed the most should be on the bottom. The other girls went first... 55lbs, 50lbs, 47lbs. I stepped on the scale last, and was 80lbs. Before that, I had no real concept of weight in general, let alone how my body compared to others. But in that moment I realized I was different from the other girls, and I was fat.
Age 10: A few girls from my class were standing on the jungle gym talking with some guys. One (skinny, pretty) girl, asked baitingly to the guy I was crushing on if he'd ever date me. He responded "She's too... she's too" and moved his hands apart, signalling wideness. The girl interrupted him and said to me obnoxiously "you're too good for him." I'd already knew I was fat, but I think this event really solidified the feelings of shame, inferiority, and lack of confidence as a result of it.
Both events are still crystal clear to me. Pretty sad.
