Sorry you're going through this. The hardest thing to change is parents, isn't it? When my parents get unbearable I distance myself, it's the only thing I know how to do. I know that when I try to talk to them about it they get defensive and angry so it's not worth it. How would your parents react if you spoke to them about this?
Being overweight and/or obese is a disease. They wouldn't yell and scream at someone who has cancer would they? But the general public sees overweight people as lazy unmotivated people. They are attacking your character. And it's sad, we've all dealt with that from society and it'd be nice if loved ones would understand the struggle that we face every day. We have discrimination laws to protect people but "fat" is somehow ok to discriminate against, put down, make fun of, harass, and blame. It's just sad.
Any diet with this caveat is one that I would avoid with the proverbial 10-foot pole.
F.
This. I used to read the IP forum. Now I skip it because I find it so disturbing. People are talking about having to take laxatives due to constipation and losing their hair. Not to mention, it's expensive. I've lost just a little North of 78 pounds without laxatives and hair loss. In fact, (TMI warning) I'm as regular as an alarm clock and my hair is actually getting thicker!
I also have some relatives visiting for the holiday weekend right now. Today's stupid question was the following: "[Freebird], Look! I can fit into your blouse from several years ago when you use to be skinny. Why did you get fat?"
Well, gee skinny Auntie....I just decided to wake up one day and stuff my face because I just wanted to get fat for the fun of it!
I need to vent and get support somewhere after my family (my parents) have been verbally abusing me the past 3 days about my weight gain. So here goes my vent...
I just moved back to the east coast this past Saturday. I was living and enjoying my life on the west coast for the past 2 years, but moved back to the east coast due to my family's emotional neediness. I'm temporarily staying with my parents just for this week while my shipment/furniture for my condo gets delivered this Friday. I'm a single, 35 year old woman with no kids and I am of South Asian heritage.
My parents have been getting on my case (several times a day) about my weight gain. My dad is the "mean one" while my mom just nags and nags and nags about the same thing.
I told them I am aware of the fact that I have a weight problem (I'm 180lbs right now and wear size 16/18 pants....back in 2008 I was 145lbs...so yeah, I know I have weight to lose) and that I plan to do this program called Ideal Protein as soon as I move back into my condo later this week. I'm NOT pigging out or anything. They just want me to get on the treadmil or elipitical machine for 30 minutes. The first day I was back, they took me to the park and we went for a 30 minute walk. I know what they were doing and I figured I'd go with it JUST to get them off my back.
They treat me like I'm 300lbs and need to be on the TV show Extreme Weight Loss! I believe they treat me like I'm 300lbs because, by South Asian standards, I am regarded as someone who is THAT heavy. South Asians (and possibly ALL Asian cultures) are very judgmental towards overweight people.
I'm one of those people that shuts down when a person nags to me about my weight gain. It doesn't motivate me at all. In fact, it hinders me to the point where I think to myself "Well what's the point?" I don't need negative messages/comments.
I know they are concerned. I overheard them talking in the living room tonight (they didn't think I could hear them since I was in another room). My parents said how they are shocked that I'm not ashamed of the way that I look and that most women my age would go to the gym everyday and make it a top priority to stay slim....that they don't know how the **** I'm going to get married since I'm fat....my mom asked my dad if I could have a thyroid problem, but dad said no...that I'm just lazy....that I don't move around.
I'm going to move back to my condo either 4th of July or this Friday at the latest. I can't deal with their verbal abuse. Logically, I understand they are coming from a place of concern. But how they deliver their message is very harsh and does more harm than good. For example, last night they told me how they know Indian people in the community gossip about them because I'm unmarried and fat. I told my parents that they should tell those people to mind their own business.
*sigh* I knew it was a mistake moving back to the east coast. Maybe I'll just stay at my condo starting tomorrow night regardless of the fact that my shipment hasn't arrived yet from the west coast.
My parents said they are telling me all these (harsh) things because no one else will tell me (i.e., friends). I told them that I realize that none of my friends will tell me I'm fat to my face, but that I am aware that I've gained weight and I plan to do something about it very soon. In the meantime, I'm not eating any fast food, no soda, or anything "bad". They just keep on hounding me about the same thing everyday....several times a day.
It's ironic....on one hand they get on my case about my weight gain, which makes feel like crap....yet on the other hand, they get on my case about getting married....it's like...WTF? First you hound me and make me like the ugliest woman in the world and THEN you expect me to have the confidence to find a man to get married to? ARGH!
I'm 180lbs. On Ideal Protein (IP), you lose 8 to 10lbs per month. At this point, I'll be happy being 148lbs, which was the weight I was at my brother's wedding back in November 2008. IP is a low carb, high protein diet that you are only supposed to do for a short amount of time. I did it for 3 weeks while I was living in Seattle, and dropped 8lbs easily in those 3 weeks. I KNOW that if I stick with it, I will lose the weight. Also, in IP, they tell you NOT to exercise for at least the first 3 weeks due to it being a low calorie diet (i.e., less than 1000 calories a day in the beginning of the program).
Anyway, my parents are making me feel worthless and I told them that I wish I had just stayed in Seattle because I hate living with them. Yes, I got into a fight with them. I felt like I was 13 years old rather than 35 years old when fighting with them. They really bring me down instead build me up. I thought parents were to support their children and NOT tear them apart?
I've told my parents that they are being abusive and that they keep on telling me the same damn thing every day for several times a day.....they say that they keep on telling me the same thing because I don't seem to be concern that I've gained so much weight and that it looks like I'm not doing anything about it.
I can't win. No wonder I loved my live in Seattle. I had mental peace living there.
I just need someone to share their personal story...or success story...or just any story because after 4 days of their verbal abuse, I'm in tears.
And to think that I moved back JUST for them...only to have them verbally abuse me. Such selfish people!
Isn't it crazy how families and friends think they are so well-intended and end up doing the exact opposite? You made a great choice to come online and get support from the 3FC community. I haven't been a member very long, but have been reading tons of threads. This place will offer you as much support and guidance as you are willing to take in. Keep your head up, Freebird. Don't let anyone stop you from reaching your goals!!
Wow! Sometimes the best response I can give is to say something like, "I'm not really sure how to respond to that," or "I'm not really sure why you feel the need to point out the obvious. Help me understand why you just said something to intentionally make me feel bad."
Sometimes putting it back on people can stop them and make them think. Hope you get into your condo soon!
Why don't you tell them to stop bringing the subject up, permanently, or you will:
1. Move back west.
2. Never speak to them again, since they can't seem to discuss anything but your weight and
3. Forget them seeing any potential future grandchildren.
Seriously. Stop letting them dump on you. Being respectful offspring does not include them belittling you. You have one very powerful card to play and frankly I'd use it. If it's getting to the point you're screaming at each other, you're feeling emotionally abused, as though they're treating you like a child you're going to have to fight dirty to get them to shut up.
Frankly, I wouldn't say another word, I'd go to my room, pack some bags, load them into the car and drive off, spend the night in a motel and let them call me a few hundred times (all of which would go into voice mail) and in my own good time I'd lay down the ultimatum, quietly, forcefully, but by golly I'd scare the daylights out of them and make sure they know I'm not kidding.
I could hook your parents up with some of my family, I have an aunt that they would get along splendidly with. The woman handed me a diet book and said "If you get thin, you'll catch a husband". I was 19 and we were standing in the hallway outside my dad's hospital room at the time. He'd just had a stroke. She's just the tip of the iceberg with my fat phobic relates.
At the end of the day, I think it really does stem from fear. They're WORRIED about you. Misplaced worry, for sure, but they probably do have your best interests in mind. Yes, they're going about it all wrong, but maybe just reminding yourself that they care will give you enough calm to cope with the nagging.
This. I used to read the IP forum. Now I skip it because I find it so disturbing. People are talking about having to take laxatives due to constipation and losing their hair. Not to mention, it's expensive. I've lost just a little North of 78 pounds without laxatives and hair loss. In fact, (TMI warning) I'm as regular as an alarm clock and my hair is actually getting thicker!
Wow seriously? I thought IP seemed dubious but I never ventured into the forums.
It makes me angry to see expensive diet plans. I feel they're just taking advantage of desperate people. Very few focus on the mental aspect of weight loss as well.
As we've all seen it's entirely possible to do this for free. Something I wish I had known when I was a broke college student, but I thought it was necessary to spend money on diet plans or WW just to lose weight.
Ah well, better late than never, right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by freelancemomma
Any diet with this caveat is one that I would avoid with the proverbial 10-foot pole.
F.
Ditto. It seems so strange to restrict physical activity and push supplements so much!
Several people of south Asian background have posted here about this same issue. It is an unfortunately a very common part of the culture. One girl still lived there and was going through unbelievable abuse at work and her supervisors were doing nothing about it. She actually was not very overweight at all but it was enough for her to be a target.
Actually your problem will resolve itself for the most part when you get into your own condo.
Your post shows you understand IP and know that it works for you. As you said it is short term and you can have light exercise after the first few weeks.
You will have time and space to focus on yourself and very soon you will see good results. Just tell family you don't discuss your weight or that of anyone else and as you see results you will know it is your personal victory.
By the way the 30 minute walk is fine with IP.
Also it does not have to be expensive. Many of us do it on our own without going near a clinic.
Sorry you have to deal with this. I have been putting up with this for as long as I could remember with my mother especially. Weight is such a huge thing, actually image is such a huge thing in Asian cultures. I am Chinese and I have all Asian girlfriends, and guess what? They are all thin AND have super metabolisms that allow them to go out to eat and hog on desserts allllll day long. My parents look at it like there is something wrong with me...crazy.
Hang in there. I was on IP for 5 months before my wedding. I went from 152lbs to 133 on the program. I was very strict on it because I knew I had a serious deadline and having aunts from overseas come over (slim ones of course) I needed to prepare myself against any backlash. It is not easy on IP, the worst part was staying on it after the wedding...so bad I completely fell off the wagon and gained it all back and some. You have to completely be prepared to change your lifestyle FOREVER. not just until you reach your goal. I cannot stress how important that is. BY this I don't mean buying their products, I mean eating better. It requires great discipline that becomes habit - I never made it to the habit part lol
Right now I am done with any diets that require meals aside from fresh food so I have accepted the slow pace of weight loss compared to when I was on IP.
Be prepared for weakness, cold fingers and toes and just tiredness. You don't even have energy to exercise even if you want to.
It is a great program if you are being monitored (I had a nutritionist that I saw 3x a week).
Sorry I got off topic. Just ignore your family when they say these things. If your family is like mine, even if you lose the weight, they will still have something to say...there is always more to lose in their eyes and listening to them will just be more hurtful and dangerous to yourself. Do what makes you happy - I totally understand how you feel - do everything for yourself, and not to shut them up. Know what I mean??
just saw the post about laxatives - I did need them, every day. I had natural ones that weren't potent but required like 4 pills at a time...it was awful.
Honestly, I feel like you should keep weight loss and diet plans to yourself. Sometimes I feel like I need to talk to my boyfriend and mom about it, but they always hound me to lose weight then act the opposite. Like I'll be making some progress with my diet and they'll bring me some sort of dessert "because I've been doing so well." Or my boyfriend will make me finish everything on my plate. It's just odd to me. Just because they're family doesn't mean you can't firmly tell them it's none of their business.
Why don't you tell them to stop bringing the subject up, permanently, or you will:
1. Move back west.
2. Never speak to them again, since they can't seem to discuss anything but your weight and
3. Forget them seeing any potential future grandchildren.
Seriously. Stop letting them dump on you. Being respectful offspring does not include them belittling you. You have one very powerful card to play and frankly I'd use it. If it's getting to the point you're screaming at each other, you're feeling emotionally abused, as though they're treating you like a child you're going to have to fight dirty to get them to shut up.
Frankly, I wouldn't say another word, I'd go to my room, pack some bags, load them into the car and drive off, spend the night in a motel and let them call me a few hundred times (all of which would go into voice mail) and in my own good time I'd lay down the ultimatum, quietly, forcefully, but by golly I'd scare the daylights out of them and make sure they know I'm not kidding.
This is probably what I would do. I would also remind them that you are an adult and what you eat is your business and no one else's.
