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Old 06-12-2013, 07:08 AM   #31  
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It sounds like you have an office like mine, my coworker came with the light bulbs, and although I do not have it as bad as what seems like you do she does seem to be "in every one's business" because that used to be acceptable. Once upon a time in the workforce when you had superiors, what they said was law. And some still tend to work this way, for whatever reason.
On occasion I have to back them down and tell them what's legal and what's not as far as DOL is concerned.

Nasty comments and failure to evolve for employees into todays workforce is one of the reasons I am in the process of switching careers.
I went to my employer and asked him to help with the cost of accounting courses b/c our controller is 72 (yes 72) AND my co worker is 71 both almost out the door (sweet people but still) and I hate accounting but would be willing to go to classes to get educated enough to do the work. His response:
"We don't do that for the people Up Front"
The only people up front are two females - me and my co worker (the only two in the company).
Everyone else works in the field - and the company pays for them to go to either plumbing school or sheet metal school to get certified.

When things like what you are going through are happening, if they are not willing to change the circumstances, you have to. If you have the means to change and go elsewhere, keep it under your hat and take the leap. It sounds to me like you are trying to move walls in a concrete building.
And paying for it in the mean time.
Company party - company funded.
My boss even tried to get me to go do personal errands for him, then he saw I was putting it down for reimbursement, he stopped doing that real quick.
Your foot needs to be heavier than theirs. Put it down and stand your ground.
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Old 06-12-2013, 02:46 PM   #32  
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Aaargh! I think I'm working where you do. For the first 3 years we had this horribly pushy, controlling Admin [extremely overweight woman] who waged the most unbelievable WAR on my social and eating habits.

Example: I always opted for the bottled water instead of one of the many full sugar soft drinks she kept stocked in the kitchen. Everyone else drank the pop except me. After badgering me didn't work, she sent out an email announcing that bottled water would no longer be available due to cost. Mind you, the fridge stayed stocked on soft drinks! She bullied the other 3 people there until I was completely ostracized for 3 years! I had to have the job at the time so I weathered it.

I did try to do the bake the cake thing, but she made fun of the cake I brought once and I realized there is no pleasing people like this.

Sometmes I used the technique my anorexic friend does--you get a giant plate of food and push it around the plate all through the meal, casually mashing it or twiddling it around, maybe actually take 5 small bites. It looks like you're doing something and fools many people.

She was finally fired a year ago, but we still have these weekly catered luncheons and another food pusher [These people seem to be everywhere!] who organizes them. Also quarterly work outings organized around food and booze to which spouses are not invited.

I realized I could opt either to be uncomfortable about the food or about the social tension. So I carry my own lunch to the catered weekly lunch meetings and never go to the work outings after finding out they can't legally force me to attend. I spend 40 hours a week with these people and my own family only sees me 4 hours a day [besides sleeping!] my husband and my 6yr old need me more! This has not hurt me in the job--I've been promoted to supervisor in my lab area last year.

After saying "No Thank You" to the current food pusher three times, a little louder each time, she has finally left me alone.

But if they are dinging you on your performance, it's getting ugly. The woman I dealt with was constantly trying to get me fired. Unless you're angling for a great job, I'd say get the heck out. Life is just too short.

spanky

Last edited by spanky; 06-12-2013 at 03:07 PM.
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Old 06-12-2013, 08:06 PM   #33  
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Once upon a time in the workforce when you had superiors, what they said was law. And some still tend to work this way, for whatever reason.
My boss is also 71 and everyone I work with is older. The culture is horrible. Even among other people it is "he gets what he wants" no matter if what he wants is crazy or abusive to me. Oh your feet hurt... well I need you to walk a long distance to hand something to me. Oh yes, I know, I could easily print it off myself and oh yes, I know, I could easily just read it on the screen... but, why do that when I can make you walk a long way?

If after he departs it is the same thing.. I will be departing.

Quote:
Example: I always opted for the bottled water instead of one of the many full sugar soft drinks she kept stocked in the kitchen. Everyone else drank the pop except me.
I cannot even tell you how bad mine are (because there is more than one) but one ruthlessly makes these brownies for every single thing event -- they are my x-mas present. And gives me like 400 of them. Going so far to check up on me that I don't throw them out and to ensure that I don't give them to others in the workplace. And the few times I have... I have paid for it. It is all like my actually physically eating it is required to make them happy. Even if I say I hate it... that gives them the high to overcome -- what they CLEARLY know I want. Talk about getting off on having power over people.

Last edited by Emma4545; 06-12-2013 at 08:08 PM.
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Old 06-13-2013, 12:10 AM   #34  
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I must work with jerks because I honestly don't think they will care - actually one time I asked for an accommodation in walking -- when I was bigger - because it was hurting my ankles. I was required to get a note. And behind my back, my employer called the doctor and asked for clarification because they couldn't "understand" the note.

I could not believe that my doctor did talk to them. I have no idea what he said. I called and told them how they should not have talked to my employer -- certainly without talking to me first. They claimed they were just clarifying the note but I said, I still don't know what you said or didn't say and what you said or didn't could have compromised my job. But they didn't care.

After getting as little help as was humanly possible and my feet still hurting me, I chose to lose the weight. And here they are... doing whatever they can to see if they can't have me gain some back.

Humn... you guys are really motivating me here.
The only way your Dr. would be allowed to talk to your employer, is if you signed a "HIPPA" agreement, and said it was ok. Be very careful about what medical documents you sign.

That being said, I'd bet you did not sign anything, that gave your employer, access to your medical records.

Check it out. Your employer and your Doctor may both have violated HIPPA laws.

Trust me I know. My hub has had all kinds of medical issues the last 10 years. I had to get a medical power of attorney and renew it every 6 months, just to have any say so or access, or any kind of power, that had anything to do with his health care and or records.

I also had to make sure that all of his Doctors, and physical therapists, and workman's comp, and insurance companies had copies. What a nightmare!
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Old 06-13-2013, 12:33 PM   #35  
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From now on, I would just bring in my own lunch/breakfast to work. Heck, I would also avoid the kitchen area as well at all possible.

I know what you mean by hanging in there, waiting for some folks to retire. I'm also doing the same thing at work, and hoping that enough folks will retire to the point that they HAVE to backfill their positions. There is a hiring freeze where I work at, but there's also quite a few folks at my office at retirement age who have been grumbling a lot lately about going ahead and retiring.

So for now, I'm hanging in there and seeing what happens in a year or two. But in the meantime, so I don't feel like I wasted a year or two just waiting, I'm looking into doing a part time job to supplement my income, possible take a class here and there.
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Old 06-13-2013, 01:39 PM   #36  
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OMG, those coworkers sound AWFUL!

I feel like even nice coworkers get a little weird and resentful if they see someone in the office taking control of their health - I'm the only person in my office who doesn't go out for lunch every day and I always say no if people offer to get me something at the bagel shop around the corner. It's amazing how people act like they're offended on a personal level by what someone else chooses to put in their mouth! I most often hear "Oh well aren't you just being good" in this really derisive tone from one of my favorite people at work - but I know it's because he has tried several times to start eating better but hasn't been able to do it.

So if the people the OP works with are already on power trips and are also overweight (or unhealthy otherwise), there's probably part of them that wants OP to be "on their level" and eating the same bad stuff they eat so they don't feel so bad about themselves and their choices.
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Old 06-15-2013, 07:24 AM   #37  
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I'm the only person in my office who doesn't go out for lunch every day and I always say no if people offer to get me something at the bagel shop around the corner. It's amazing how people act like they're offended on a personal level by what someone else chooses to put in their mouth!
Actually I do think it is frustration that have not gained it back in a year. The ring leader called me up about 1 month ago to ask about thew weight loss plan I used... intending to do one of her own. For her to do that speaks to how extremely frustrated she is. But, I have been nothing but supportive of her efforts... so I don't see why she continues to try to sabotage mine. It is super bad lately... I don't understand why she feels like she had been personally slighted because I won't eat the cake.

True story.. after the party was not exactly the best endeavor ever.. someone got her a faux cake (made out of paper) and she placed it on the able for everyone to see constantly. When the boss came in... and asked about it... she said something to the effect that... well no one will buy me a real cake... and so the boss went out and got her flowers -- I guess to try to make up for it.

What a child. And this Thursday we have another event... totally pushed on us. The ring leader a coupon for tea and so we have to go. While at least this is not an eating event ( I don't think?) it is gonna be awkward.
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Old 06-15-2013, 02:10 PM   #38  
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You know what? I'm starting to think that you need to ask for a mandatory meeting with everyone to air this out, or with a few select "offenders" along with the boss.

Or barring that, just start being vocal about all of the food parties that are being given and say, "it's so overdone, let's do something else." Like, have a cornhole event, or a baseball event, or something that's active.

I mean, if it's this bad, I would definitely be talking with the boss about it, and explaining to her that folks need to chill on the food and their attitudes. Plus, stop taking it out on others who chooses not to participate.

If all that fails, ****, I would start placing advertisments around the kitchen showing healthy foods, and the dangers of junk food....LOL
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Old 06-15-2013, 10:02 PM   #39  
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This thread is making me so happy I left my dental office job. The "mandatory" (@ss-kissing) birthday buffets were never ending and don't even get me started on Christmas, it was nauseating how they sucked up to the owner and bullied us into spending hundreds of dollars on him for their own special interests. That place made me ill.

Sorry for hijacking the thread, I was having flashbacks. Carry on..
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