[bellini]

I was not sure where to start with this as it's not something I expected to think about but here goes.

I have a lot of weight to lose & while everyone is being super supportive one of my closest friends is worried I am going to change, to give you the background his wife was bigger a couple of years ago & she lost all the excess weight plus some, went from about a size UK16 to a UK6, and she herself changed, everything about her, it was like speaking to someone totally new & sadly their marriage did not survive.

So my question is how can I reassure him that I am not going to change & my marriage will be just fine, or is it true, do people change with such big weight loss?

[sacha]

It can. One thing I try to think of is "get your vanity in check". A lot of people get quite vain after their weight loss. Of course, there is a certain sense of pride in appearance after and that is natural, but some people tend to go from one extreme to another and leave their senses in the dust. Just as this journey means thinking each day "I should stay on plan" it can also be just as important to think 'be humbe'.

I am back to maintaining, I was 150lbs in November (and 170lbs from the baby) and now back to 127lbs. I find myself looking in the mirror a lot, obsessing over clothes, being just plain vain in general (you think after 10 years of maintaining I should know better by now), I do consiously think "BE YOURSELF".

[Palestrina]

There is no guarantee, why should you have to promise him something like that? What if you do change? What if you become more confident, more outgoing, more willing to make new friends? You can't change or stay the same for someone else. You have to do what's right for you.

Ok so his friend's life changed and she became different... or did her husband change? Did he become more jealous? Did he become more insecure with her newfound attractiveness and confidence? All people change in their lifetime. If their marriage was based on them staying the same then maybe it's better that she lost the weight and ended it.

If a friend of mine was worried that I'd change for the worst after I lost weight I would seriously question whether they want me to be happy or not. My business is about losing weight and becoming healthier, I don't have any time to reassure someone else that it's going to be alright for them!

[freelancemomma]

Good post, WBS!

F.

[ghlover]

All I can say is don't let it hold you down. There is a chance you might change, but it doesn't necessarily mean it will be for the worse. Change is good. Feeling beautiful and more confident and active is even better. Your friend should be happy, not worried.