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Weight loss advice from skinny people...Ugh!

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Old 05-26-2013, 11:51 PM   #1
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Default Weight loss advice from skinny people...Ugh!

Is it just me who finds it annoying when skinny people decide to give advice on weight loss? Because I do!
I have a friend who 120 lbs at the most, eats A LOT and never gains any weight. She can eat two huge helpings of pasta in one sitting and just laughs it off. She is a funny girl I have to say. But when she starts talking to me about how she knows it's hard to lose weight, it's hard to not wear what I want and then gives me ideas about how I should go about loosing weight. SHE ANNOYS ME!!!
And she's not the only one who does this. If you've never been overweight you have no idea how it feels. And it's a lot more complicated then just saying to someone: stop eating!!
Ugh!!
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Old 05-26-2013, 11:56 PM   #2
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You never know her struggles. Maybe she eats those 2 helpings of pasta but then doesn't eat for the rest of the day or barely eats the next day (this happens with a lot of smaller people who "eat a lot"). They just naturally control their eating by eating less after a huge meal without realizing it.

Maybe she weighs 120 but really wants to weigh 115 and is struggling to lose that 5 pounds so she feels like she knows the struggles you are going through.

When it comes to wearing what she wants - maybe she has a muffin top (lots of skinny people can still have muffin tops) and can't wear that tight shirt she really likes. Or her fat is located in one spot that makes certain cuts look awful.

I know it's hard, but sometimes we have to realize that they also struggle with the same issues - even if they are at or are lower than our GOAL weights! Even the skinniest people can hate their bodies and feel uncomfortable in them.

I used to get annoyed as well. It was very frustrating. Then I learned that we all have the same struggles, sometimes just in smaller packages and I've had to teach myself to be more understanding. Now, whenever I hear smaller friends talking about, I can totally sympathize and relate and make conversation about it!
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:03 AM   #3
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Yes that can happen but it is not the case here. She is a very well adjusted girl with no body image issues. In fact she and everyone else thinks she has a great body. She prides herself on being able to eat whatever she wants whenever she wants. That's all good and well. I just wish she would not tell me about being over weight as if she knows what that's like. That's what I find annoying!!!
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:13 AM   #4
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Yes that can happen but it is not the case here. She is a very well adjusted girl with no body image issues. In fact she and everyone else thinks she has a great body. She prides herself on being able to eat whatever she wants whenever she wants. That's all good and well. I just wish she would not tell me about being over weight as if she knows what that's like. That's what I find annoying!!!
oOo, I gotcha!! Yeah that would be annoying. Maybe she was overweight as a child lol? Unless you've known her for a long time and know she's had a rockin' body forever... In which case, that would be very annoying!
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:39 AM   #5
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Yep, known her since we were seven years old. She's always had a rockin' body.
I just wish sometimes that people would understand saying to someone: stop eating if weight is a problem for you does not help at all!!!
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Old 05-27-2013, 06:55 AM   #6
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Last year I went out with a co worker and she flippantly told me "why don't you just cut back on food?" and I had a few drinks and well, lets just say, my full level of sarcasm came flying out. Yeh we don't go out for drinks these days.
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Old 05-27-2013, 07:32 AM   #7
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People should just generally refrain from offering unsolicited advice.

I've maintained so long (and to the other spectrum of getting quite fit) so I get asked a lot of times, but I would never 'offer' advice that nobody asked for.
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Old 05-27-2013, 08:30 AM   #8
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Hahaaa... Time is on your side in this case, because 90% of effortlessly skinny young women start gaining weight after 30, slowly but steadily. And since none of them ever had to make an effort to be slim, the call is tough
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Old 05-27-2013, 08:30 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joil View Post
Is it just me who finds it annoying when skinny people decide to give advice on weight loss? Because I do!
I have a friend who 120 lbs at the most, eats A LOT and never gains any weight. She can eat two huge helpings of pasta in one sitting and just laughs it off... If you've never been overweight you have no idea how it feels. And it's a lot more complicated then just saying to someone: stop eating!!
Ugh!!
I agree that it's more complicated than saying "stop eating" because some of us find this MUCH harder to do than others. But on another level it's the only advice that really has traction. We have to figure out how to stop eating. I also think you may learn something by watching your friend, especially if you spend several days in a row with her. As another poster mentioned, she may eat those two bowls of pasta, but perhaps she's eaten very little all day or will have very little the next day to compensate. In my experience, just about all thin people do this, either instinctively or deliberately.

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Old 05-27-2013, 08:38 AM   #10
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What I truly find frustrating (and depressing) is when (objectively) normal weight people - almost always women or girls - disparagingly refer to themselves as "fat." Now, I have no trouble with that word. I was, for the majority of my life, fat. But that was very hurtful to me when I was sitting next to them, obviously obese, and they would say with disgust, "I'm so fat" while pinching at some skin. They were loading up the word with all kinds of negative meaning, and it made me wonder - if they felt that way about themselves, how did they feel about me, a person who actually WAS fat?
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Old 05-27-2013, 08:48 AM   #11
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Gee I only wish I could get some good advice from someone who is thin. People are always telling me that I'm NOT fat and that I'm beautiful. It's so annoying! Nobody offers any good advice. It's so taboo.

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What I truly find frustrating (and depressing) is when (objectively) normal weight people - almost always women or girls - disparagingly refer to themselves as "fat." Now, I have no trouble with that word. I was, for the majority of my life, fat. But that was very hurtful to me when I was sitting next to them, obviously obese, and they would say with disgust, "I'm so fat" while pinching at some skin. They were loading up the word with all kinds of negative meaning, and it made me wonder - if they felt that way about themselves, how did they feel about me, a person who actually WAS fat?
They're just talking about themselves. People see themselves in a negative light and really don't think much about other people. Everyone is self centered and thinking about themselves. Don't look into it, I know how it feels - like you're thinking 'gee I wish I had your problems' but it really does not mean that they are saying "I'm fat, therefore you're disgusting!" at all!
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Old 05-27-2013, 08:51 AM   #12
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I've had skinny friends tell me to just eat smaller portions and I just tell them that saying that is like telling an alcoholic to just have only a few drinks. It doesn't always work.

I do often ask them what they eat in a typical day. That part fascinates me and I end up finding out that they often do watch what they eat. However, my brother in law's fiancee can truly eat a lot and she has a body that I would absolutely love to have. She has stayed with us for extended periods of time and never turns down food. She can eat just as much as I do and does so with reckless abandon. She doesn't work out and is generally not very active.

She has asked me why I gained so much weight (she met me when I was skinny right after I had lost weight and then saw me a short time later, 50 lbs. heavier). I told her that I'm an emotional eater and food is my drug. She felt bad for me and didn't tell me to just cut back on portions....lucky for her!
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:35 AM   #13
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I have to admit I detest the term "effortlessly skinny". Just because a person does not have issues with food, does not mean it is effortless at all. Their effort is just a different method. They listen to their bodies differently, they view portions differently, they behave differently behind closed doors and in different situations.

I have been called "effortlessly skinny" by those who did not know me before when I was overweight. They are SO wrong about that, but they perceive me as being effortless. I've been doing this long enough that I don't have to count calories, I can enjoy food at a restaurant, and I don't lament about my weight (anymore). But believe me, my effort exists, it is just unconsious. Consider it a repetition of good habits.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:35 AM   #14
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If you have never been heavy, I think you just don't get it. There is so much more to being heavy than just what we eat (or don't), what we wear (or don't), and it's not something that can be described in words as far as I know. I don't think a thin (or thinner) person can give advice if they never struggled with their weight (and I don't mean a person who is 125 and wants to be 120). I'm glad they don't understand what it's like to have to lose 100+ pounds but it's never going to be a comparable conversation/effort/achievement. It would be like comparing someone with only 1 leg having to crutch herself around and me holding up my leg saying I understand what it's like if I use a crutch and hold my leg up. Probably not the best analogy but I'm only on my first cup of coffee.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:42 AM   #15
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I've noticed that on weight centric boards sometimes people are labelled "skinny" or "normal" or whatever a lot to delineate "them" from "us," but really, we are all human whatever we weigh and even close friends should not judge the struggles others go through, weight wise or whatever. I've been guilty of that in the past (and decades ago I DID weigh much more than I do now and "skinny" people annoyed me just on general principles).

Nowadays I am "old" (another label) in the case of close friends, I know I can never really know what they struggle with or why they do what they do so I try to cut them some slack.

That said, I don't think anyone of whatever weight should give unsolicited advice ... lol ... so I have none to add to this thread.

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