I have four boys. The year before I got pregnant with my first, I was in a skiing accident that tore ALL the ligaments in my left knee. I spent A LOT of time off of it and gained weight. I JUST got it all off when on Valentine's Day 1999, I was hit by a car (I was a pedestrian). In the trauma room, I was told I was pregnant with my oldest son. That was 9 months of being trapped in my little upstairs apartment. My right foot was shattered and I had a manual transmission car; so even if I could get down the stairs, I couldn't drive.
I lost the weight, was feeling good and we decided to THINK about having a second. BAM! The second we thought of it, I was pregnant. My husband is very hands off, immature...he was still going out, not helping at all. I got VERY depressed. I stopped caring one bit about loosing weight. I just felt too bad.
Then came sons 3 and 4. The marriage never improved and I became not just depressed but ANGRY. I wasn't going to lose weight because I knew he thought it would be for HIM. Plus, I was still too depressed to care.
I got on the scale a few months ago and I was 290. That is MORE then I weighed at my MOST pregnant! (And I have BIG babies!) I did cry a little.
I am so sorry that you are feeling bad. It is SO hard to look at that number and feel motivated to try to start losing, what feels like, an impossible amount of weight! I know. I am right there with you. I am trying not just for me, but for my boys. I NEED to be able to play ball or shinny with them. I NEED to be able to walk around an amusement park or the zoo. I am now more tired of feeling tired and depressed to not TRY again. Sometimes, trying becomes doing and that is what I am working towards now.
You are HERE. You are doing SOMETHING. That is a start. That is what matters.