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Very rude comment about my weight.

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Old 05-17-2013, 01:42 AM   #1
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Default Very rude comment about my weight.

Hello everyone,

I'm new this site. I guess I've come here to vent a little. Just a little history about my weight. In 2007 I began a weight loss journey. From 2007 to 2008 I lost 95 lbs and went from 250 lbs to 155 lbs. With sensible eating and exercise I managed to maintain my weight for about 4 years. In 2012 I started to gain weight again. I began overeating and exercising less and less. Eventually I stopped exercising almost completely.

As of now my weight stands at 248 lbs. Just 2 lbs shy of my original weight. My old habits of overeating and being inactive caused me to gain all the weight back in a matter of months. Finding motivation to go to the gym is very hard for me. I'm so ashamed of the way I look that it prevents me from going to the gym very often. I only go to the gym 2 nights a week for an hour long Zumba class. I have started walking and jogging outside again a couple days a week. I'm determined to get back on track. I did it before and I know I can certainly do it again.

This evening when I was leaving my local gym and walking through the parking lot a random stranger sitting in his car yells to me "You gained a lot of weight (widening his hands apart gesturing at me) Why?" I have to say I was in such total shock over his extremely rude comment that I was speechless. I did not say a word to the man I just looked at him in disbelief and went on my way.

I felt completely humiliated and hurt by this mans insensitive comment. I'm extremely sensitive about my weight. When I made it home I was in tears! I thought all my hard work and dedication down the drain. Although I don't know the man who made this terrible comment he must have seen me when I was smaller.

I don't understand why some people say the things that they say. Like I said I'm determined to get my body back. I miss the slimmer, toned me and I want her back!

Thanks for listening to my rant
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Old 05-17-2013, 02:05 AM   #2
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Oh My Gosh!!!! That is TERRIBLE! I am so sorry that happened to you! Not only was it a rude comment but from a stranger which makes it even more embarrassing. People can be so rude, I hope you can get back on your feet and continue to do the things you need to do in order to get back to feeling better.

Its impressive you did it before and you DEFINITLY can do it again! And we are all here for you!!!

Good Luck with your Journey!!
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Old 05-17-2013, 05:03 AM   #3
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Hi,
Well ,I like this response to such a comment"yes I've gained weight but I may be thin next year and you'll still be the (clod,P----,oaf,or whatever description you like) that you are today.

I have only had to use this once and the look of astonishment on the person'f face was fabulous. I used P---- because that is what he was.

For some reason it made me feel in control.

Sheridan
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:35 AM   #4
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Haha I like your idea Sheridan! I definitely want to use that if it happens to me!
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:43 AM   #5
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Ouch. I've been yelled at by passing cars. It hurts
Why would anyone do that?
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:57 AM   #6
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Ouch; I can imagine how much that hurt. That's the problem with weight gain; it's like wearing our sadness or difficulties on our sleeve. Maybe the guy was genuinely concerned. I have to wonder, if you had asked, "Why do you ask?" what he might have said... Not to say that I would have said that, I probably would have said, "Excuse me??!" and walked off. But I do have to wonder. Because really, why would he say that??

Uggh.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:03 AM   #7
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Thank you everyone for your kind words and encouragement. I definitely feel much better. I know I will get there....
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:06 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer1217 View Post
Hello everyone,



This evening when I was leaving my local gym and walking through the parking lot a random stranger sitting in his car yells to me "You gained a lot of weight (widening his hands apart gesturing at me) Why?" I have to say I was in such total shock over his extremely rude comment that I was speechless. I did not say a word to the man I just looked at him in disbelief and went on my way.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Didn't his mother teach him "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything?"

I agree with the person who suggested "I can lose weight but you will still be rude!"

Or you could just say "Thank you for your concern." Or maybe look around you as if trying to figure out who he was talking to.

I know it's easier to think of a come-back afterwards, but it stuns you into silence at the time.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:21 AM   #9
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I doubt it would have been phrased that way if it were intended as an insult! He probably genuinely was wondering what was wrong--perhaps was even attracted to you (best reason for a guy to remember a girl). He shouldn't have SAID it, but don't let it ruin your day!
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:38 AM   #10
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I can think of a bunch of snappy comebacks now but I wouldn't have been able to say anything at the time either. It just goes to show you that people are quite insensitive to weight issues and feel they have the right to say something. Who is this guy anyway? What if you had some sort of illness or taking medication that caused you to gain weight? Nope, carrying weight is like proof that we are lazy incompetent idiots and people feel free to say so. It's pathetic!
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:03 AM   #11
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I've been thinking about this since my last post and wanted to tell you: I've been there. Had been thin, going to the gym. Went absent, put on 50 pounds. It was *so* hard to go back to the gym and start again; I know how much courage it took to get back in there and back at it. Don't let this guy derail you, he doesn't have the power. Draw on that courage it took to get back to the gym, and keep going. You will feel so good once you get this weight off again. You can do it!
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:15 AM   #12
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I have had a long (decades) weight loss journey from an all-time high more than 20 years ago, so as my sig on here says, maintenance for me is taking care of the regains and you seem determined to do this so huzzah and you will succeed.

To be honest, comments such as the stranger made to you are common. People just do that kind of thing because, I guess, they are too stupid not to. These kinds of comments are totally irrelevant to the journey unless you let them be. The man really might have been trying to be friendly having seen you at the gym before or he might just be a random idiot. Why should you care? Just focus on your journey and being where you want to be.

Hugs, keep going.
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:47 AM   #13
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I think I have your random starnger's brother in my neighborhood. I took up running recently and I get shout outs such as "RU, FORREST, RUUN!" (as if THAT joke isn't played out enough in my personal life since everyone finds it amusing that I go by Jenni, I now have this jerk off too?) And then he shouts out, "#*$% FATTY! YOUD JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO QUIT, DO YA?!" and frankly, he SUCKS. But I am the type that gets pissed instead of having my feelings hurt. I mean, it is jerk offs like this and your dude that help the obesity epedemic stay at a high. People are already discouraged and ashamed and then to be faced with this when trying to do soemthing about it? Most would rather be fat. SO....I make my jerk off see me daily (he actually just finally came around and is trying to be nice to me.) I flip him off, I holler back to him that I am the one running, he's the one drinking beer, I ignore him, and I SO intend to make him eat my dust and eat every last one of his insults. Jerk. But I feel your pain. People suck sometimes. Don't get beat up by it. Use it as inpiration. Make them doubt themselves and use that as power to fuel you. You are awesome. Don't forget that.
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:23 AM   #14
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That is horrible. I love Sheridan's idea! People like that are just so miserable in their own life that they have to try and bring others down so they feel better. Good luck losing the weight again! It's awesome that you lost it the first time!
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:30 AM   #15
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Well Ms. Dreamer, this is a fine kettle you've opened up! Seriously, Thanks...we've all (or most all) have been there. I need to sum up and answer this for me as well as you....I'm anticipating an event where I know that I will be the target of the worst of such comments....those said about you behind your back.

To repeat and add to:
#1 Perhaps the gent was truly concerned (is this EVER the case??)
#2 That's just the way people are (and you cannot change them. One snappy comeback will not change an addict or kleptomaniac, much less this guy, so let it go.)
#3 A smile is your best weapon. Successful, happy...someone who doesn't GAS about the petty opinions of others (Feel it...BE it...Fake it til you make it) I know a fantastic woman who really knew how to make a difference in this world...I worked with her during a stressful period during which she gained a lot of weight. We never talked about it. I'm sure she had the usual issues, purchasing new clothing, etc, but she was always stylish and put together, and she was so competent it was easy to ignore her weight gain. Walk confidently in and out of that gym! You OWN the place! He's just a spectator.
#4 (This one's for me): Get Perspective....Our size and appearance change over time...You do have some control over this, and you're doing something about it....So you have some extra pounds? So what? You do not owe anyone an explanation. Could be worse....much worse...
#5 If I had a second, similar encounter with this guy, I would be likely to ask (rudely) over my shoulder while continuing to walk quickly away: "What the ** is WRONG with you?!?!"

We all feel for ya, hon.
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