I can't resist.
These are too cute:
The belly is ungrateful--it always forgets we already gave it something. Russian Proverb
I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets. Dolly Parton
I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get to the bathroom). Dolly Parton
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks. Joe E. Lewis
Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. Orson Welles
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad. Janette Barber
Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends.