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Old 06-08-2003, 09:01 AM   #16  
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Angry Hi, everyone!! Glad to hear from all of you!

Good morning, Sunday!! It was great to read your replies last night, but I was out of thoughts at the time. I took my two girls summer clothes shopping yesterday (what an experience, especially when I have them both on the same trip!) They compete for my attention and carry on verbal sparring matches with each other --that is, when they aren't being best friends. And then, of course, there's the actual choosing of clothing--I try to keep the following principles--not to overstretch my budget TOO MUCH, to buy them clothing that won't make them look like (in their words) FREAKS, to buy them clothing that won't make them look like (in my words) floozies (probably the hardest part of it all), and to keep my sanity in the whole process. Actually, I really do enjoy the experience of spending the day with them, even with the tremendous concentration of female hormones and sibling rivalry always present. I just feel blessed to have this opportunity to be with them.

Gigglez--I'm sorry about your breakup with dh --don't blame yourself and what you've gone through with the menopause too much. It sounds to me like HE made a choice.

Reading what you wrote made me think about my own marriage and what hubby and I have gone through together (we'll be married 14 years in August). We've been through sickness (I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, and I had a rough time with it in the first 6 years of our marriage--I'm on medication and in remission now), job loss and unemployment (hubby lost a job he had for 20 years when our youngest was 3 months old and didn't work for 2 years while he went back to school to retrain), financial troubles (as a result of the unemployment--still trying to dig out of that), sickness of a child (our oldest had undiagnosed allergies, adenoid, and sinus problems for most of her childhood--partly due to lack of our attention--there's that job loss coming into play again-- and poor medical care--doctors who either weren't there or didn't take the time to probe symptoms enough--wefinally resolved things a year ago!!), sickness of other family members (hubby's mother and brother), personal relationship issues (we both come from families with alcoholic fathers and have had to spend our whole marriage figuring out what a healthy relationship is--not easy to figure out when you've never seen or experienced it), and now my perimenopause has arrived with its own special marital twists and turns to add to the whole salad.

I guess what I'm trying to say that I think a lot of marriage is just plain commitment and hard-headed stubbornness to keep that commitment. Did your dh give up on the commitment part? Like I said, it sounds like HE made a choice. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

Hi, Musicgal, glad to hear from you. I too have found that this thread has helped me. Even if we're not talking about symptoms, just hearing the words of other women at a similar stage of life helps me. Also, my exercise of choice is walking. It helps me relieve stress, and I enjoy the outdoors while I am doing it. More next time on that subject.

Congratulations on your weight loss progress, gma2one! It sounds like you're really motivated and on a good course.

Well, it's time for me to go. I've got to cut the grass before it starts raining and then get to church. See you later!!
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Old 06-09-2003, 12:10 AM   #17  
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I guess that he did give up on the commitment part of it. Says that he has prayed and nothing has came of it so it is time to move on. What I can't get him to understand is that GOD answers prayers in his time not in your time. I guess that I better go for now it is late and I have to get up early. Thanks everyone for listening
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Old 06-09-2003, 08:25 AM   #18  
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Hang in there, Gigglez. Be strong. You'll get through whatever comes your way. We all do. We're women. It's what we do. Make sure to do something nice for yourself every day.
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Old 06-10-2003, 04:49 PM   #19  
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Wink Hi all!!!!

So glad to have found you all! I'm a 41y/o working mom of 3 (21y/o, 11y/o and 7y/o). I'm married, 14yrs this coming Oct.
I had a hysterectomy in 2001 but kept my ovaries. I had fibroids with lots of bleeding, one continuous period for a year!
I've always been able to tell when I'm ovulating and I'm doing it a lot lately! The PMS is not much better but definitely an improvement without the bleeding every month!

My BMI is 40 which is dangerously high! I've had lots of stuff going on in the last 4 yrs when we moved to Tennessee (my dh got a job in Nashville). I've been homesick, miss my old job, my friends, etc..... I've had a surgery on something every year we've been here. I thought I'd get by without anything last year, which I did but on January 3 of this year, I broke my ankle and my arm. To the operating room I went!!!!!! I lost my mom unexpectedly last Thanksgiving. Financial problems, work is crazy, kid troubles (he's 21, need I say more! ) I have a history of depression and anxiety for the last 12 yrs, but I've been on meds for all that time! Helps but some days, it just doesn't seem worth it!

I need some perspective! I'm gaining weight by leaps and bounds! So miserable and just can't get a grip on life! This weight has got to come off! I've tried just about every diet program there is! I'm at a point now that I may try one thing one day, something else the next! Can't seem to focus on anyone thing!

Thanks for listening!!
Janie
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Old 06-11-2003, 09:56 PM   #20  
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Angry Glad you found us!!

Hi, Janie--glad to see another person has joined our thread. You'll get lots of support here. You sound like you've got a lot going on in your life--some outside yourself and some inside.

I too have a history of depression--actually caused by obsessive-compulsive disorder--was hospitalized in 1985 and on medicine off and on for a number of years--the wrong one actually. Finally, about 7 years ago, I went on Prozac, and that, plus behavior modification, helped me immensely. I'd say I'm about 85% in remission, and anything else, I am able to handle.

I know the feeling of depression and frustration that you speak of. It can be hard to struggle through each day.

I've been up and down in my weight over the years--have always had a weight problem. In 1986 I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and take medicine for that. Right now, I weigh about 30 pounds more than I want to. That isn't really a lot of weight, I guess, but I don't feel as good as I want to because of it. Entering perimenopause hasn't helped the weight issue either, I'm sure, plus getting older means that everything slows down, and weight is even harder to take off than it was when I was older.

I've felt a lot of frustration with my weight gain. I weigh about 50 pounds more than I did on my wedding day, but 30 pounds less than my top pregnancy weight. I want to lose it, but I've decided that a drastic diet won't do for me this time. I'm just sick of them, and I can't live with them. I'm always feeling angry, deprived, and frustrated, not to mention hungry and gassy from lack of food. None of these things, I have decided, are good for my mental health, which I consider to be top priority. (If my head is messed up, I can't do anything.) Also, diets don't teach me a better relationship with food. Anyway, I've decided that HEALTH is my first goal now, and if weight loss comes, great. If not, maybe it's not where God wants me to be. I try to eat a balanced variety of foods. I have some treats, but in moderation. I walk several times a week--only 1 1/2 miles at a time--I'm no athlete, but it is good for my mind and body. I try to find other ways to deal with my emotions (this forum has been a good help in getting support that way), I try to get enough rest (not always possible, but I try), and the biggest--I try to take care of myself. I grow flowers because it makes me feel good. I read magazines because it's how I get away from stress. I take naps if I am tired, even if the house is messy. I've learned to say NO to things I don't want to do, and to make my family help out around the house. I have a job just like hubby does, and my daughters (12 and 8) have school. Why should I do all the work in the house? I buy my own special body wash that no one can use because of the moisturizing formula I need. And I always remind myself that I am important, and if I am not well, I can't be there for anyone else. It has made a great deal of difference to me. I also have a strong faith, which has helped me get through a lot.

Hang in there, Janie. Take care of yourself one day at a time. We're here.
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Old 06-11-2003, 09:58 PM   #21  
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Angry Hi, everyone!!

Hey!! I forgot to say hi to everyone else on this thread. How is everybody doing? Don't forget to drop a line!! Miss you!!
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Old 06-12-2003, 02:32 AM   #22  
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Hey everybody! Don't get to check in here like I would like. I tried to catch up on the posts but got bogged down so kind of skimmed them until the last few.

You are very very right about marriage. It is a lot of hard work on both partners. I have been married 31 years to a wonderful man, but he isn't perfect and neither am I. We went through a lot of hellish financial years, when he retired from the military, he had to take what he could get then after 7 years they let him go. He then got laid off 5 times in 3 years, we had kids in high school and no money for college, no money for weddings, but they came out of it alright. You just have to give them a good foundation and work ethic. We had some rebellion with our oldest, who is now a grown man of 30 with a wonderful job and new home. We are now to the point in our lives where we can enjoy each other more and we do very much. We go on little trips together and spend most if not all of our time together and that is what we prefer. Sadly, I think there is a lack of commitment to marriage nowadays because it is terribly easy to just give it up. Divorce is easy to get, extra-marrital sex is not looked down on, pretty much anything goes anymore so no one wants to work at what they have because just like a piece of fruit, if you take a bite and don't like it, you can just throw it away! We all wanted this freedom in the 60's and 70's and now look at the mess we have. Freedom comes with a price and I think we are paying for it BIG time!

I am having a really really rough time of it this month. I don't know why, but have had to pop Advil like candy, which I do not like to do, but I have to have some relief. That is why I am sitting here at 1:30 am instead of fast asleep. I woke up in pain. Oh, well, this too shall pass.

Giggle: You hang tough honey. I hate to tell your spouse, but personally I think he prayed and probably didn't listen. I absolutely do not think God would tell him to "give it up." He is hiding behind everything he can not to face up to responsibility. You cannot deal with something like that. He will regret his error one of these days and it will then be definitely TOO LATE!

Well, I am going to try and go back to bed.

Faye
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Old 06-12-2003, 09:22 AM   #23  
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Hey, Faye--loved your post!! Maybe you don't get to post as often as you like, but you've got some great things to say!

You echoed my feelings on marriage so completely. Seeing as you have about twice as many years as I do in, my reading what you had to say made me feel that hubby and I are on the right track. Thanks for your thoughts.

Gigglez, I also had Faye's thought about your husband not listening to God's answer of the prayer he prayed, but I didn't know if I should express myself. I'm glad Faye did. She's right. God would never answer a prayer, "Give up on your marriage." He created marriage. Those wedding vows--for better, for worse--are so easy to say, but the "worse" part is often very hard to live out. In my experience, God gives the strength to do all the really hard things in life, and His answers are always to do the right thing. It sounds like your hubby didn't get the answer HE WANTED--for things to be easier, for you to feel better, having the old times back, whatever it was he prayed for. It sounds like he DIDN'T pray for strength to do the right thing, which he would have received in an instant.

I hope, Gigglez, that we aren't coming on too strong or sound preachy, or that we think we have all the answers to all your problems because we don't. Speaking for myself personally, I just don't want you to think THAT YOUR MENOPAUSE--no matter how bad things are going for you--is the cause of your husband's leaving you! It's so sad when we blame ourselves for someone else's actions. HE made the choice to leave. He also could have made the choice to stay and support you in your difficult times if he really wanted to. It sounds like the problem is his more than yours. You hang in there, girl. Don't let the rough times get YOU down. You'll get through the pain and come through to the other side stronger and better. Send us some posts. Let us know how you are doing. We care. God bless you.

As for myself, I am working on what appears to be another nonovulatory cycle--nothing bizarre going on inside my body--just life's usual day-to-day weirdness. This morning I just finished unplugging our kitchen sink. Hubby fixed a pipe joint that was leaking, but the clog part of the problem escaped him. He got all worried and panicked about it. He's not really a crisis person. Thank goodness I am. Well, have to get ready for work and get my kids together. More later.

Gigglez--let us know what's happening with you, okay? Barb
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Old 06-16-2003, 07:40 AM   #24  
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Angry Good morning, everyone!!

Hi, ladies! How is everyone doing? My weekend was busy with lots of stuff to do.

Yesterday I nursed a migraine headache for part of the day--couldn't figure out where it was coming from--didn't really think it was hormones because it was only day 16 since my last period. Wrong again!! I got my period this morning. I hate when I go through "periods" (no pun intended) when I always seem to be getting my period. It doesn't really scare me, though. I had a transvaginal ultrasound a year ago to check for fibroids--negative--so I know it's the perimenopause--I just find it annoying. I'll have to watch my moods for a few days. It's around this time that I am prone to explosions of temper. I'd like to see if I can head it off for once, rather than go off on someone.

Hey, Faye, Musicgal, Gigglez, and Janie! How are you all doing? I missed you over the weekend. Let me hear from you. Bye for now.
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Old 06-16-2003, 08:19 AM   #25  
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Hey ladies, how is your Monday starting out?

When it comes to menopause, you never know what you are going to get; usually Forest Gump's box of chocolates! I pretty much run the gammit, but one thing I don't have is "duplicate" periods. It is either right on time, late, or non existant. I do have lots and lots of cramping through the months sometimes, mostly ovulation pain.

I was looking back on the posts and was tickled by New's "shopping" expedition. I have one each so don't know what tag team shopping with girls is like, but I can tell you one thing, it ain't no picnic having opposite sexes either. The oldest is the boy and he mercilessly teased the girl, still does and she HATES to be teased even a little. Luckily, they are fairly close even though they do not live in close proximity. One is easy going the other very difficult to love. One you never hear anyone say a bad word about, the other one has been referred to as a b#$%^, which is probably accurate most of the time! Mix it all up with the hubby and wowee what a carnival ride it has been for 31 years!

Hope you enjoy my new eye candy! My opinion is, if you can't feast with your mouth why not your eyes? I had one person ask if he was my husband. Uh, no......though with my dh's naval career, I have met some lookers like him a lot! A pretty arrogant lot most of them. I may be reaching for that century mark, but I still can pick out a pretty boy!

It is supposed to rain again today but I hope holds off long enough to get my pool workout in. I look forward to it and when you look forward to some kind of exercise you have to stick with it!

Janie: If you want successful weight loss, you are going to have to try and deal with all the stress in your life. I know for a fact that you cannot stay on a program when you are stressful. For one thing, stress makes us want to eat and for another, it distracts us. Be sure and try hard to take some time for yourself even just a few minutes everyday. Close your eyes and do some deep breathing, pleasant thoughts etc. I have 26 and 30 year olds and can guarantee, THIS TOO SHALL PASS! Do you like or hate Nashville? I live in the same state farther west. I am a yankee (though have lived all over the place with dh's Naval career) so living down here takes some getting used to. For one thing, everything is SLOW! Slow waiters, slower grocery checkers, so everything except where we live, no slow drivers just nutso ones!

Hope you all have a great day!

Faye
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Old 06-16-2003, 10:38 PM   #26  
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Thanks everyone for your encouragement! I have been telling him the same things but it has fallen on deaf ears. One of my girlfriends made this observation and I am now wondering if this could be true. She said that to her it seemed that he was getting to close and that scared him to death so he had to run cause that is all that he knew to do. It's like I was telling one of my chickie friends earlier, I have surrendered my problems to God and I am trusting that HE will take care of them. Not to say that I have times where I cry my eyes out but I know it is in HIS hands.

Faye liked the box of chocolate things. It is so true. I think for me even on HRT the emontional rollercoaster has been the hardest. I go back to my obgyn next month and he is going to check my hormone levels among other things.

Ok I have went on long enough. Check in tomorrow.

sandy
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Old 06-16-2003, 10:51 PM   #27  
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Hi!! I had a hard-working day today, and am now relaxing a bit.

To respond to you, Faye, about taking girls shopping--I find it best to take my girls out one at a time. With 4 years between the two of them and personalities as different as night and day, I have to approach each of them completely differently. Also, when they're together on a shopping trip with me, the two of them constantly compete for my attention--"buy for me first, you spent more time with her, how come you're talking more to her than to me"--and they fight--"mom, she hit me, stop touching my stuff, sit on your own side of the car, why can't I sit in the front seat yet, mom, make her stop looking at me"!! Now if perimenopause hasn't given me a migraine, that will. I'm lucky if I can remember what I went out for in that environment. Going out with them individually means I can focus on each girl 100%, and the other one knows nothing of it. We can do what WE want to do together at our own pace. It also gives us opportunity to develop the relationship more and opens up time for conversation that might not happen otherwise. One other thing that's special about that experience for me is that I savor it in two ways: first, I get to enjoy special mother/daughter moments that are so beautiful to me from the mother point of view; and second, since my mother never took me shopping like I take my daughters, watching my daughters experience the event is the closest I'll ever get to experiencing it myself. So it's VERY special to me. And this Saturday, my oldest is having an evening party with 5 girls--with music, pizza, volleyball, fingernail polish, and lip gloss--and I get to be there. Younger sister is going to her friend's sleepover, and Dad is going to a movie. I never had a party with my girlfriends, and though I'm going to keep a respectable distance--close enough to supervise without being a snoop--I'm going to have a great time listening to the whole event.

I haven't done my walking for the last few days, and I miss it immensely. I live in Chicago, and the weather has been amazingly cool this spring/summer, which makes it wonderful for walking. No matter what happens, I absolutely have to get out tomorrow morning. It does so much for me, both mentally and physically.

Well, I'm going to get going now. More soon. Take care everyone!

Hey, gigglez!! I had to edit when I saw your post! I'm so glad to hear from you. It sounds like you're doing much better. I agree with putting it in God's hands. The way I see it--God is taking care of us all the time, and if we trust in HIM, it will all work out somehow, even if we don't know how or when. It took me a long time to get to that place in my life, but when I finally did, I discovered that nothing can really tear me up completely anymore--because God's taking care of me! What peace it brought me!

Last edited by newinspiration; 06-16-2003 at 10:58 PM.
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Old 06-17-2003, 08:01 AM   #28  
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Hey everybody, how is your Tuesday?

New: You are right on about your individual relationships with your girls. It is important to develop them singly as they are two different people. I LOVE Chicago! In fact, next Thursday we will be whipping right through on 57 and 80/94 (I think that is what it is) going to Indiana for a wedding. Actually, I grew up just a couple hours east of you in the South Bend area and that is where we are going. My husband used to work as a field rep in Chicago over by Midway and my brother lives in Park Forest. We are going to Chicago in Sept for my 50th birthday in fact to see the Cubs (our team!!!) play on my birthday (wasn't that sweet of them ) and we are going to the Science and Industry museum which is always my favorite ever since I was a kid. We have reservations at Harry Caray's for my birthday. I got to choose what I wanted to do and since the Cubs were playing at home on my birthday I opted for that. My kids live in different areas as do my siblings so I couldn't have everyone together anyway. My daughter lives here (I live in Tennessee now), and my son lives in Indiana so I will get to see him while we are there for my birthday as he paid for all 7 tickets to the game as a present for me (I have a sister flying in from Calf for my birthday with her husband and daughter). Well enough about me!

Sandy: Who better to lean on than God! He can change his heart! You keep close to him and he can provide comfort for you in this time also! We are here for you!

Well, have some more to post so I have to get with it so I can finish chores and get into the pool. I am coming up to 4 weeks of exercising EVERY day so I am pretty jazzed about that.

Faye
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Old 06-17-2003, 10:29 PM   #29  
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How's everyone doing today? Had a good day, I hope. Mine was a hard-workin' one--aren't they all? But it was a good one. I did my walking this morning. I had missed it for several days, and it really doesn't feel the same when I don't do it. And I must say that the warm feeling in my legs from the walking was really good for the cramps I have been having with this goofy period I have. They just seemed to warm themselves away!

Faye, you're practically going to be traveling in my back yard both next week and in September! I live on the far southeast side of Chicago near the Indiana border--not close to your Cubs game or Harry Caray's restaurant--but only a short drive (under 10 miles) from the Museum of Science and Industry, and not far from where I-57 runs into 94 West. A few other ironies to tell you--I grew up in a Chicago suburb not too far from Midway Airport, and for a short time about 19 years ago, I lived in Park Forest myself. I taught high school English in Chicago Heights, the town directly north of Park Forest, for 11 years. Presently the job I hold (not teaching anymore) is in Hammond, Indiana--a 20 minute drive from where I now live--and my job is located right off 80/94 at the first Indiana exit when you leave Illinois. When you see the highway sign for Hammond, that's my area! Gosh, isn't it a small world?

It sounds like you've got a couple of great events planned for yourself, especially for your birthday! Chicago is really a great town! There's just about something here for everyone. Let me know how it all goes. You'll have a terrific time!

Sandy, hang in there, be strong. And know that God's there for you--"always and always, and forever and ever". That's a phrase I made up when my girls were babies to tell them how long I would love them.

How are you, Musicgal and Shanny? Haven't heard from you lately. Give us a post.

Well, got to go--getting sleepy. I'll talk more tomorrow.

Bye for now--Barb
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Old 06-22-2003, 09:10 PM   #30  
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Angry Hey, everyone!! How are you doing?

Hey, ladies! I haven't heard from anyone in a while. How is everyone doing? I'm just finishing a very busy weekend. My 12-year-old daughter's girl party yesterday was absolutely great. They and I had a wonderful time. My little one even stayed because her friend postponed her sleepover due to sickness. It will be next week. I also got the grass cut. I survived another period and the migraine that sometimes comes at the end of it. Hallelujah! I took a three-hour nap this afternoon, which was a wonderful way to take care of myself. Tomorrow is back to the usual grind, though I work only half a day tomorrow because there is an orthodontist appointment for my older daughter, and the doctor's office is an hour from my home. Then at night we have summer dance--got to keep those girls busy with healthy activities!

Faye, I hope you had a nice time on your trip up to the north parts. Let me know how the wedding was.

Sandy, how are you doing? Hang in there! We're with you!

Anyone else who's chimed in from time to time--stop by to say hi and let us know how you are doing!

More later, everyone! Take care now.

Barb
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