I've had a rough semester. A horrible relative of mine moved in with my parents and he's been a leech on our family. I had to quit my job because I just couldn't find the motivation to do it well, especially since it was holding me back in school. I got a kitten, fell in love with her, and she was injured and died. I fell behind in my classes and found it really difficult to catch up.
I won't say those are excuses, but they drained me. I've also spent the last few weeks really diving into some research of my own concerning weight and food. I've been reading some very insightful books that kind of turned everything I thought I knew about food and nutrition upside down.
I think I was looking for something to make it easier. I don't mean a magic bullet but something to help the unbearable cravings. I was so terrified that my life would be spent either giving in to cravings or being unhappy or fighting cravings and being unhappy. I've realized it is, for the most part, in my head. I'm the one who can decide if fighting cravings is going to make me unhappy.
I also thought about how all my favorite strong female characters are always fighting, even when the odds are against them and I thought, "Why shouldn't I keep fighting when the odds are against me?"
So I've decided to start living like the person I want to be. Exercising daily, eating less, meditating...doing activities I love and forgetting about the long-term weight loss. Focusing on the next day and not the next year. I've been in college part time for about a year now and I've just been going at it every day without worrying about how long it's going to take to graduate. I figure I should do the same with weight loss. Focus on what I need to do today to keep on moving towards my goal.
I've been a member on this forum for a long time, but I think over the past two years I've been growing a lot. I overcame a lot of things but now I think it's time I finally conquer this last thing that's been holding me down. I want to get strong and see a smaller number on the scale. I want to breathe easier and run farther.
Sorry for the long post but I feel like I've had a realization. It's up to me to be strong if I want to be healthy. I've been dealt a certain hand and I have to work with it, no two ways about it. There are things that will help, but it's going to rough for a while. I've fought through a lot of things and I just have to do the same thing here.
I'm glad to be back! I'm turning 22 in 30 days and I'm doing to do 22 right!