Sorry I didn't come back yesterday - I'm wearing too many hats at work now!
Mom's still woozy this morning, poor thing had a really bad reaction to the anesthetic *again* and ended up in extended recovery. They took out 3 nodes, including the "sentinal" - the node the tumor drained into. The sentinal node was clear of cancer and we should get the results on the other 2 nodes on Thursday (they'll do a far more detailed check on them just to be sure). But the Dr. said he thinks it looks good - that the cancer never spread outside her breast. The best possible news we could've gotten.... So now, the medical oncologist has to decide how to treat her. Even though her lymph is clear, the cancer was of such an extremely vicious variety that they *have* to treat her (both chemo-type and radiation) just on the off chance that one cancerous cell got through somehow - this ain't somethin' you want settling somewhere else...
On a lighter note, she did come home a light shade of blue... yes, I had a smurf momma. My cytologist surrogate granny said it's from the radioactive dye they shot into the area were the tumor was. She's a normal pink shade this morning though!
Eydie, Eydie, Eydie.... I would've flown to Virginia to spare you what you're going through! I can't believe no one did anything! I think seeing a counselor (with hubby) is an excellent idea. Don't you for a second feel like a "big baby" - your needs were ignored by those you love. Of course you should feel what you're feeling - you've been hurt by their inactions, easily taken as their just not caring.
Please come here to rant, rave and throw the biggest 40 year old temper tantrum we've ever seen - we'll understand and a few of us may lay down next to you to kick and scream in sympathy!
Relating to what Kaylets said about throwing your own party - do it. Christmas' with my ex were unpleasant. He had his mother do his shopping and 90% of the time I got what *she* thought I should have (her 60+, me 20's - use your imagination). So I started buying my own gifts... Of course now that's not an issue, but I still buy myself something special every Christmas and birthday!
Arabella, I've been experiencing the same busy-bee thing too. I've found myself wandering aimlessly around the house and realize that if this was my "old" life, I'd be spending that time probably eating in front of the tv (cuz tv sometimes isn't that good unless you're also eating). So now I end up *looking* for something to keep me occupied!
2 decks stained, 1 to go! Then a carport to paint, then more yard work.... what am I going to do this winter??? Anyone need a crocheted afgan!?!?!?!?!?
Anagram - Thanks for the article. Amazing how slow on the uptake some are in the medical community huh? Yea, food is addictive, why else would we slowly kill ourselves with it???? They think we're like this by choice? I can remember a time when a 1/2 dozen Reese's Fast Break candy bars would give me the same high as a couple Xanax tablets. THAT should say something!
Well, time to get some work done - I'm behind a bit because of yesterday's distractions (and an hour phone call from Bo-Beena )
Much love, big hugs and remember.....
I'M HEALTHIER THAN I'VE BEEN IN YEARS!
Thanks for the support. It feels really good. Don't get the wrong impression--my birthday did get the casual nod, but there was nothing special, nothing 'milestone' about it. And I can't believe how devastated I am still!!! I was SO looking forward to my 40th birthday. I appreciate the thought of a 'do-over', it's a sweet thought, but it's not the same. My fantasy didn't remotely match the reality. Who are my friends?; does anyone know me at all?; do they even want to?; what did I do wrong?, etc. Has me questioning a lot of things. [oh joy...]
Have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow morning----I want to get past this so badly. I WANT MY JOY BACK!!!!!
Punkin, thanks for letting us know. So far, so good!
Bear with me, friends. I'll get better. [I will, right? ]
Eydie first: No more of that "I'm a baby", "Bear with me" stuff. My dear, I for one am more than willing to rant and rave with you indefinitely about your pain - for as long, seriously, as you need. You are loved, my friend. You are suffering about this and it IS legitimate and necessary. Play it out, for as long as you need.
Kaylets, thanks as always for your inspirational stuff. I'm learning that I have to recharge my "attitude batteries" a lot more often than I've previously thought. You're that shot in the arm I look for every day.
Frogger, love and sorrow to you on the loss of Whiskers. I also have some beloved pets running around in the Big Meadow in the Sky. I'll ask them to introduce themselves.
Ceara, give your puppy a hug for me! Congrats that he/she? behaved for you at the show. What sort of recital was your daughter doing? If it's singing, I hear you on that Italian stuff. Ouch. Bet she did great, huh?
Bo Beeeeena. Where are you?
Zadie, congrats on getting down to 152! I hope your "step back" at work turned out to be nothing - I hear you, though, on feeling like you've lost ground with your boss, especially when your hynie's on the line. Good luck to you.
PUNKIN!!! I'm so HAPPY about your Mom's good news. What a relief for all of us to hear, and more so for you, I'm sure. I think the red hair had something to do with it, myself. And the kitten. Hedwig RULES!!! That was such a bizarre, yet life-affirming movie for me, especially the end. Thanks for the comforting words about my 100-lb. hysteria. I feel better now.
More prayers in order for your Mom's further treatment.
Arabella, you are so amazing! You are doing so much good work on yourself, inside and out. I'm so glad that you're getting back into the activities that (I'm assuming) make you feel good. I'm so with you on coffee by itself being a treat now. One cup in the morning is what I get, and I enjoy it so much more, now.
WSW, more than once I've visited you guys to either not eat or to get pumped up to go out and walk. It really works, doesn't it? Is it already muggy down your way?
Anagram, I'm going to psychically ooch you along on your effort to get to Onederland by Sept. 15, if that's going to really be a goal of yours. : Bash a bottle of Cristal against your "boat to fitness" for good luck. And thank you for that great food addiction article.
Wildfire, how is your daughter's visit with your sister? I remember that I didn't get along with my parents at ALL as a teenager, but one week of staying with my grandparents made me miss Mom and Dad so much that I behaved a lot better after that. Not that I'm implying that your sister will provide negative reinforcement. I just think your girl will miss you...
Hello, Scoobysnacks! I joined this thread a couple of weeks ago. I hope the weather's starting to cooperate for you. Oregon's cloudy again after a wonderful week of REAL summer. I'm desperately trying to hold on to that sunny feeling.
Hope I didn't miss anyone...
I'm doing OK. My Dad is in pain, but more chipper than I thought. It hurts me a lot to see him and Mom aging. One of the sucky parts of being an adult. Yes, I'm still immature enough to be notating the advantages and disadvantages of being a "real" adult. Whatever that is.
Anyway, I had a good visit with them, though after Mom waved goodbye to Ramon and me at the airport, I had to sneak into the bathroom for a good boo-hoo before I joined him at the waiting-area. He is so sweet to me. And after 5 years of marriage, too. Phew. I don't want my mommy to get old and die....*tears welling up*
Ramon and I are moving next month to Seattle, so that he can get another Bachelor's degree in Graphic Design at the Art Institute. We just decided today. I can't wait to tell my parents, in-laws and brothers and sisters that we're going to be about 4 hours closer to all of them. I can hardly write for shaking. I'm so close to my family, and I'll get to see them more.
Today's my walking day, ladies. Send me a mental push when I get home tonight, drop my keys on the table and automatically head for the couch, too weary (I tell myself) to walk for half an hour. Silly me.
punkin-so glad to hear your mom had good news! hope the remaining results will be just as good too. also hope that whatever treatment the medical oncologist recommends for your mom will turn out to be as tolerable for her as is absolutely possible.
eydie-we're here for you! yell as loudly as you need to.
cerise-glad you had good visit with your folks. hope your dad's pain will get better soon. that's great about your moving to seattle where you'll be closer to your family. i'm sure they'll all be as excited about it as you are.
it is muggy here, alright! summer heat and humidity are now in full swing down here and my poor a/c has been blasting non-stop all week. well, can't complain too much though since lucky enough to have good a/c in my apartment and car. it's those few steps between the two which presents the challenge! because i feel worse physically in the heat (due to ms), i need to make the committment not to use that as an excuse to go off program. i'm saying this out loud because i didn't really pay as much attention to my food today as i have been, and even though it's only one day, i don't want to let those days add up. i need to remember to take good care of myself by eating healthy, exercising, and losing weight. these are things i can control and help me to feel much better than i would otherwise and they do make a difference. so---having said that, i will do some of my stretching and relaxation exercises before getting ready for bed. i am thinking of you all and wishing you a pleasant remainder of your evening. take care, wsw.
Had a hungry day yesterday, ate 5 times I think. Which is okay. I need to remind myself that some days are hungrier than others. The day before I didn't eat a lot, partially because tai chi goes from 6:30-8:00 and it's not good to eat anything substantial within a few hours of class, and then 8 is too late for me to eat dinner, since I go to sleep by about 10. So I try to have something light around 3 or so, and some little thing after class. I've been thinking of trying out the "potato in the evening" thing from "Potatoes not Prozac" (www.radiantrecovery.com). Every time I look at the best type of diet to follow, it always seems to wind up in the lowish carb, glycemic index area. I've been falling a bit short on the nine fruits and veggies a day, so I'm going to start working harder on that. I do eat a lot of them, but nine servings takes a bit of contrivance!
wsw, that's essential to life, isn't it, whatever our states of health -- doing those things that make us feel better, controlling the controllable. I haven't been doing yoga lately and feel like my body really needs it. I'm going to do a set as soon as I finish posting here!
Cerise, the tai chi really does make me feel so much better, but the key is frequency. When I only get to class once in a while and do it without putting a lot of effort into it at home, I really don't get the same benefits. I'm not back to where I was before, but when I've been getting to class regularly, after a session I feel like I've had a full-body massage, and like I couldn't get stressed out about anything if I tried. Oh yeah, I'm going tonight!
Punkin, so happy about your mom's news! Continuing to send good thoughts that the treatments will be gentle on her! :
Eydie, I'm kind of in the same spot -- my joy has gone missing, and I want it back. Yup, I'm relatively certain that if we continue to seek it we'll find it. Yes, we will!
Zadie, always like book questions! I just finished Anne Lamott's "Blue Shoe." Before that I read Margaret Atwood's "The Blind Assassin." Both quite good. Books I've read recently that I loved were Annie Proulx's "That Old Ace in the Hole" (adored "The Shipping News") and Barbara Kingsolver's "Prodigal Summer." Some all time favorites: Cormac McCarthy's "All the Pretty Horses," everything by Louise Erdritch. I just finished "Blue Shoe" last night and I don't know what I'm going to read next I never feel quite secure unless I've got at least one novel lined up.
Kaylets, hope your computer is back in action soon. As someone (sorry, I forget who!) was saying, we count on you so much for your inspiration! Thank you!
To all Firecrackers, mentioned or unmentioned, have a fabulous day! Love to all...
I am still posting "on the run"--
Just reread some of the posts and am SO GLAD Punkin!! Hurray
Eydie- Think my comment about "Throw yourself a party" as a bit cavalier--on second read, I do now realize how it must seem that those closest to you didn't pick up on the fact that you wanted a party. sorry, didnt mean to be so breezy about your post.
Since I don't have access to my library here I will ask this today:
"What is your favorite way to motivate, inspire yourself?"
Hello all,
This is the nice quiet time of the day at work. I am the first one here (I only work part time and need the afternoon to study for the bar), and today there are two people who are out for a conference. Nice low key day.
I am sticking well to the plan and it is becomming much easier. I am a calorie counter and fat gram counter, which was very difficult to adjust to at first, but now it is becomming a habit. Also, becuase I write everything down I can find the information that I need in my journal rather than having to look up every little thing. I have been walking for exercise, but yesterday I skipped the walk, which is probably ok becuase I spent a couple hours stripping wallpaper which I think is a valid form of exercise.
re: books
Arabella: totally agree with you about "the blind assassin." I am reading Attwoods latest, Orynx and Crake. Have you ever read "Good Bones and Simple Murders"? It is more on the order of short stories/prose poems, but it is probably my favorite Attwood. I am also reading "White Teeth" and "Gould's Book of Fish." I have different books for different rooms of the house becuase if I use the same book everywhere I tend to lose it. I am currently avoiding non-fiction till after the bar exam.
re: Favorite way to motivate/inspire myself
anything outdoors is inspiration for me. to motivate myself I reward myslef with camping trips, folk festivals, concerts and plays.
Hi Zadie - Funny that you're reading "White Teeth" -- I thought of it when I saw your name. I thought it was very good, too. I just read whatever current novel for a few minutes (or longer when I can't resist) before I go to sleep. When I was in university I established that habit, because I had to study so much. Reading a novel any other time still seems like an indulgence to me, but all the better on those rare occasions!
I admire you so much, preparing for your career! I applied to grad school for Psychology, but didn't get in to any of the five schools I applied to, even with a 4.0 GPA. And that's how I ended up doing technical writing. Not so bad, but I would surely have loved to be a therapist. As it is, I just practice on my nearest and dearest, whether they like it or not
Quick postie as I'm going to hunker down at work so I can be a total bum later this afternoon. I've earned it! Oh, and now the kitten's name is Sophie....
Painting this weekend (Bo-Beena's fault, she keeps inspiring me to cover up my white walls!). My bedroom - light plum with off white sills, doors, etc. This will eventually be followed with a darker shade of purple in the walk-in closet - I told you I was going to paint my walls purple!
Eydie, you know I'm not a religious person in the typical sense, but I often repeat a single saying to myself when I don't think things are ever going to get better - "this too shall pass". Remember that. No matter what, no matter how bad, it WILL pass and things will get better.
I spoke with Bo-Beena last night and she's fine. She n' hubby have been painting the inside of the house and getting ready for a family get together this weekend so she's been swamped!
Cerise, thanks for your thoughts for my Mom. I hope your Dad's feeling better soon too. It's not easy at this age is it? I'm torn between swearing I'm still a "kid", but on the other hand, old enough that concern for my parents is creeping in. But I guess such is the circle of life - they bare us, care for us into adulthood, then eventually the tables turn and we end up being the caretaker - kinda like returning the favor. Congrats on your upcoming move too! I'm sure it'll be nice being closer to family.
WSW, I wish I could send you some of my central Oregon high desert mornings... it was 40 this morning (brrrrrr....).
Zadie, I'm with ya' - here's to a low key day!
Arabella, ya know, I bought Potatoes Not Prozac yeeeears ago and never read it. Maybe I should!
Q o' the Day - What motivates or inspires me? Honestly? A little fear, a little worry for my future health and then the vanity side - my jeans and other clothes that I haven't worn for 3 years that I can *almost* wear. And my friends are always an inspiration!
the weather here is really whacky. it was storming a little while ago with very dark skies, thunder, etc. and now, literally 10 minutes later, it is still raining hard but the sun has just made a brief appearance. well, no one said the weather in nc is boring!
arabella-it certainly resonated with me when you said you never feel quite secure unless you have at least one book lined up. i am like that too. i haven't been able to read as much as i would like lately since my eyes haven't been cooperating as much as they could. it does remind me though to check out some books on tape, which i have done in the past. this way, i can still always have my next book to read waiting in the wings for me.
hi kaylets- i appreciate all your quotes and questions of the day. let's see---my favorite way to motivate, inspire myself is to think about how lucky i am to have such great friends. i am particularly blessed with this since i don't have family. when i think about all i really have to be grateful for in the friend department, it reminds me to get my rear in gear and do what needs doing. other ways i have to motivate or inspire myself are to think of some fun rewards i can give myself, such as manicures or pedicures, which make me feel pampered.
i lost 3 lbs. in the past week. i was a bit nervous about weighing myself this morning since yesterday wasn't my best food choice day, but since i'm trying to stick to my committment here of weigh-in thurs., i bit the bullett and am glad i did. i have been doing well with my regular exercising and getting in enough water too.
the sun is peaking out again, even though there is still some thunder. i have to say it is making me smile looking out at the beautiful lush trees outside my porch.
hi to zadie k, cerise, anagram, punkinseed, eydie, and everyone else here. i hope your afternoon and evening are pleasant. take good care, all.
I've been meaning to ask you ladies what your plan of action is for the challenge this time around. Low carb, calorie pincher, etc. Here lately, I've been thinking about going back on a low carb diet. My high fiber 2 weeks has backfired terribly. I gained, and I'm so full of GAS think I could be named my own utility company! It really hurts too. I'm not so much fluffing (as my grandma says) but I'm having really bad gas pains in my lower tummy. Anyone having any success lately on a low carb or on a restricted carb diet? OR ANYTHING!!!!
Anyway
This weekend is pretty busy (yet again) I just need some rest! I'd like to sleep in for once!
Q&A
I'm paid by the week and I love it. I feel like I'm rich!! I think I'm better budgeted this way. I was paid monthly before and I felt like I never had any money because everything would go to the bills at once.
Flyby for me this a.m. Had a nice long post going last night, got cut off and lost it despite my best efforts to find a way not to. I'll have to start doing short, serial posts to hopefully prevent that frustration.
Sun shining. Down another .2 from yesterday which was down.2 (only) from week before. But today's was only .2 above the lowest I had seen so far. Struggle, struggle, struggle.
BUT I'M HEALTHIER THAN I'VE BEEN IN YEARS!
Frogger, I'm just trying to eat in a healthy way that I can do forever, trying to keep calories at or under 1800 but not going nutso if I go a bit above, drinking 8-10 glasses of water and exercising at least 5 days a week. I've been a bit low on fruits/veggies lately and am working to remedy that. I do have frozen yogurt or lite ice cream almost every day (1/2 cup) as part of my calcium intake (I also take supplements) and take a multi-vitamin and one other supplement for my RA (as well as sundry meds).
I'm sure I could lose a bit more by cutting calories more (lots of exercise is not an option for me) but based on past behavior, I'd have quit long ago. I have an occasional Slimfast meal or drink to cut calories a bit lower that day or to fend off what I feel would be a real binge. Knock on something, it's been a while since I've had what I would consider a real binge and I hope those are a part of my past.
Hello all,
Yesterday was not a good eating day for me. I am a calorie and fat counter and I went over on both. At least I did not give up on the day and instead tried to make certain that i would not go far over. So I am learning something.
Arabella - Zadie is actually my middle name, but I use it most of the time. I had heard that white teeth was good, but i probably would not have read it so soon if the author's name was not zadie (grin).
QOD - Well it is hard to say. I am paid on the 5th and 20th of every month which i like becuasse it falls in line with my bills fairly well. I think I would prefer weekly to monthly becuase monthly seems too much like all those years on financial aid for school when I would get near the end of the term and have nothing left becuase that lump sum at the begining that is supposed to last somehow got spent and I would live on ramen and credit cards. I think if I was a better money manager I would like the monthly payment better though.
and we should get the results on the other 2 nodes on Thursday (they'll do a far more detailed check on them just to be sure). But the Dr. said he thinks it looks good - that the cancer never spread outside her breast. The best possible news we could've gotten.... So now, the medical oncologist has to decide how to treat her. Even though her lymph is clear, the cancer was of such an extremely vicious variety that they *have* to treat her (both chemo-type and radiation) just on the off chance that one cancerous cell got through somehow - this ain't somethin' you want settling somewhere else...
)
I was SO looking forward to my 40th birthday. I appreciate the thought of a 'do-over', it's a sweet thought, but it's not the same. My fantasy didn't remotely match the reality. Who are my friends?; does anyone know me at all?; do they even want to?; what did I do wrong?, etc. Has me questioning a lot of things. [oh joy...]
]
Good feelings for my friends
What sort of recital was your daughter doing? If it's singing, I hear you on that Italian stuff. Ouch. Bet she did great, huh?
I'm so HAPPY about your Mom's good news. What a relief for all of us to hear, and more so for you, I'm sure. I think the red hair had something to do with it, myself. And the kitten. Hedwig RULES!!! That was such a bizarre, yet life-affirming movie for me, especially the end. Thanks for the comforting words about my 100-lb. hysteria. I feel better now. 
It really works, doesn't it? Is it already muggy down your way?
: Bash a bottle of Cristal against your "boat to fitness" for good luck. And thank you for that great food addiction article. 
I just think your girl will miss you...
Oregon's cloudy again after a wonderful week of REAL summer. I'm desperately trying to hold on to that sunny feeling. 
Good Morning!
I never feel quite secure unless I've got at least one novel lined up. 
think I could be named my own utility company! It really hurts too. I'm not so much fluffing (as my grandma says) but I'm having really bad gas pains in my lower tummy. Anyone having any success lately on a low carb or on a restricted carb diet? OR ANYTHING!!!! 
