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Nasty row with my mom

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Old 04-12-2013, 08:51 PM   #1
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Default Nasty row with my mom

Well, it came to a head as feared. My mom is visiting me for two weeks. Tonight (the start of the weekend when I am not at work) she noticed me skipping dinner as everyone at home sat down for a Chinese take-out to which I did not take part as I do intermittant fasting. Anyhow, she suggested within earshot of me, and to my wife, that she did not like this and that I was "starving myself". My wife concurred. I went ******* crazy.

I told her that I had been 20 stone (280lbs), was on BP medication and cholestoral medication and would probably be in the ground before she was in my 50s unless I took some action. I explained that I just did not need to eat in the evening (I rarely feel hungry at this time) and that this was important for me.

But I fear it was t.m.i..

Handled badly like I have a knack for in all aspects of my life.

She got upset. My wife will also probably be upset with me for upsetting my mom (later - as they are all sitting around me as I type this).

I will stay OP, but this is HARD! Nobody really gets it!
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Last edited by IanG : 04-12-2013 at 08:54 PM.
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:56 PM   #2
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Are you British? Lol

And sometimes it's hard for parents to NOT worry about the way their kids eat. She spent 18 years making sure you ate enough, it's engrained behavior that she worry about you.

My mom told me I was starving myself until I showed her how many calories I actually eat and that my nutritionist approved my eating plan. I also don't eat 3 meals a day so that kinda freaked her out too...
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:00 PM   #3
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Quote:
Are you British? Lol
Yes and sorry!
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:03 PM   #4
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Don't apologize, I think that's awesome!
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:06 PM   #5
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Sorry you are going through this.

I didn't tell anyone esp. my parents about my diet. They wouldn't understand that my net 500-800 cals. a day is saving my life. My bloodwork has never been better, I'm medically supervised and I never felt better!!

I realized after 37 years that I don't have to tell them everythng anymore.

I'm glad you found something that works for you. And hello NSV not having Chinese food!!
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:07 PM   #6
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*hugs* Hang in there. Do what you need to do for yourself.

I am sure that your Mom is acting out of love and concern for you. I know parents don't always do the right things, but I know that her heart is in the right place.

Stay strong. You can do this, with or without her support. Maybe you can make her understand that you need to do this for your health. Maybe not. Do it anyway. Do it for yourself. Do it for your health. Whatever the reason, just do it. You are a grown man, and you do not need her permission to do any of this.

My Dad once staged an intervention for me when he thought I was losing weight too fast. An INTERVENTION!! lol It was out of love. Your Mom is acting out of love. Sometimes I think, as a family, it is inevitable that we ruffle some feathers but things usually smooth themselves out. I hope you sort things out with your Mom and wife, but I also hope you keep doing what you have been working so hard on to improve your health.
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:08 PM   #7
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And btw, I thought you and your mom were out rowing in a canoe on rough water or something when I read the title!!!
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:14 PM   #8
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Thanks everyone for the support. And sorry for the bad title.

Mom has gone to bed and my wife is following up now calling me a bully. Ouch.

I am just gonna have to roll with the punches on this one.

And it's my twin boys' birthday party tomorrow. Sh@t!
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Running because of Diana
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Elvis lives!
Getting fashion advice from Sum
ReillyJ and Carpediem saved my knees!
Don't believe the hype. EAT MORE FISH.
If the bar ain't bendin', you're just pretendin'!

Last edited by IanG : 04-12-2013 at 09:21 PM.
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:37 PM   #9
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I feel for everyone who lives with other people, or has nosy people in their lives. I couldn't handle it, especially when dieting. I hate people in my business. :-/
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:56 PM   #10
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That sucks. Sorry that happened. People really do have a hard time understanding, especially things like IF. It seems scary to them and without having all the info it can definitely SEEM like an extreme thing to do. Very tough situation, Ian. I'm sure it could have been handled more gracefully, but I can definitely empathize with how it happened. Sometimes it just hits a nerve. I hope you aren't in too much trouble with the mom and wife!

BTW the fact that you're British makes you so much more awesome. Now I can read your posts in an accent!!!
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Old 04-12-2013, 10:03 PM   #11
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Elvislover definitely sees the word "row" as a generally peaceful endeavor, except when the weather is bad, I guess. LOL. I, on the other hand, never thought about it being something that happened in a boat.

The English language is a wonderful thing!

Ian, sorry you had a go-round with your mother, and I'm not talking carousels.
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Old 04-12-2013, 10:08 PM   #12
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Oh great, so everyone is doing their English accents now.

I had that happen at a bar a few weeks ago. An American friend, and an American stranger, started to talk to each other in English accents across me and with me sitting in the middle of them! Surreal. But hilarious.

I guess I need to apologise to my mom and my wife. It was a bit hard of me. I am just a bit defensive about all my decisions. And I am definitely way too much all or nothing. Which works well for things like weight loss and careers, but much less well for relationships.
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Running because of Diana
Believing because of Sue
Elvis lives!
Getting fashion advice from Sum
ReillyJ and Carpediem saved my knees!
Don't believe the hype. EAT MORE FISH.
If the bar ain't bendin', you're just pretendin'!

Last edited by IanG : 04-12-2013 at 10:11 PM.
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Old 04-12-2013, 10:08 PM   #13
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Well... I think what would get me is that your wife agreed with your mother... that would hurt me the most. Is she not being supportive?
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Old 04-12-2013, 10:08 PM   #14
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I totally understand! I kinda had a similar heated discussion with my mom when she found out I was doing IF and I pretty much ended the discussion with asking why was she now showing concern if I am eating less and not when I was shoving my face back then. Granted, she was upset with me for a while after that but she got over it. Hoping the rest of the visit goes smoothly (I'm sure it will.)
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Old 04-12-2013, 10:10 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IanG View Post
I guess I need to apologise to my mom and my wife. It was a bit hard of me. I am just a bit defensive about all my decisions. And definitely way too much all or nothing. Which works well for things like weight loss and careers, but much less with relationships.
You could just say you are sorry for how you reacted and say that you are a bit defensive of your lifestyle plan because it took a lot of courage to decide to do something about your health and you felt like you weren't getting support even though your plan obviously works (at least that's how I feel.)
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