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Being fat and men treating you as invisible..

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Old 04-02-2013, 02:50 AM   #1
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Default Being fat and men treating you as invisible..

Has anyone else found that men treat you like you are either invisible or some hideous abomination when you are fat, especially when you are single?.

This is one thing I can't wait to NOT have to deal with when I get this weight off, as it is quite depressing!.
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:43 AM   #2
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It's very very weird that when I got to be just around 200 lbs, some men started noticing me. Some are flirty, some even ask me out! I can't wear my wedding ring because it's too big now... so sad... not really
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:45 AM   #3
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It just shows your those men's true colours if they are only judging you from the outside, not from that is on the inside
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:15 AM   #4
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There is an awful lot around like that though! Actually most are sadly.

It makes me wonder when I lose this weight if I should do a 'how do you feel about fat people' questionaire, for prospective dates to weed out the really superficial men.
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:25 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SnowPetal View Post
There is an awful lot around like that though! Actually most are sadly.

It makes me wonder when I lose this weight if I should do a 'how do you feel about fat people' questionaire, for prospective dates to weed out the really superficial men.
Oh it would be interesting to see the comments you get back!

It is awful how people are, but thats what the majority of people are like now days.
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:38 AM   #6
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I think sometimes it's not so much your weight as your overall appearance and attitude. When I was heavier, I dressed like a homeless bag lady and had this aura of depressed & fughly that surrounded me like a storm cloud. Of course people want to ignore that! Now that I've lost some weight, I'm wearing nicer clothing and portray more confidence and energy. And people (women AND men) seem more friendly, polite, etc.
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:48 AM   #7
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I think sometimes it's not so much your weight as your overall appearance and attitude. When I was heavier, I dressed like a homeless bag lady and had this aura of depressed & fughly that surrounded me like a storm cloud. Of course people want to ignore that! Now that I've lost some weight, I'm wearing nicer clothing and portray more confidence and energy. And people (women AND men) seem more friendly, polite, etc.
I don't really agree. For me I put on the weight very quickly due to medication. So I went from skinny and really attractive and getting a lot of male attention to being huge and becoming as I described above - invisible. I was dressing the same and my attitude didn't change. Even now I dress really well and wear makeup everyday.
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Old 04-02-2013, 06:00 AM   #8
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I don't have a problem with this when it comes to dating, etc. I might not like it - but men are programmed to look out for waist-hip ratio and fitness for procreation. Women, too look out for fitness in potential mates.

What I can't stand is that invisibility factor when it comes to professional situations.

But there definitely is something as well about presenting yourself with confidence.
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Old 04-02-2013, 06:46 AM   #9
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I do not think it has anything to do with mens true colors when noticing smaller women vs bigger women. I know I notice men far more often if they are between 180-220. Any bigger/lower than that (average height being 6'0) I tend not to notice them as its only natural. It's not because I am some shallow person, its just what I am programmed to find attractive. Just like I am far more likely to notice a dark haired man compared to a blonde haired man.

When people are meeting for the first time in a dating sense, not a professional way, it is all about physical attraction. You start with the physical attraction and develop the personal attraction later. It's just how it routinely works. You don't go to the person you personally find the ugliest in the room and spend 2 hours getting to know them for the sack of their "inner beauty might be better". You naturally go towards someone you find physically attractive.

As said though, it a professional setting, its horrible to not notice anyone just because they are big/small/ugly. That type of "radar" should be turned off in a professional setting.
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Old 04-02-2013, 07:24 AM   #10
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It's the same issue for fat guys and women and, yes, even in professional situations too.
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Old 04-02-2013, 08:18 AM   #11
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I am plus size and very over weight and I dress very trendy, very fashionable, always have my hair done, wear the appropriate accessories, etc...and yes - men do treat me differently. Once upon a time men would run down a block and across the street to meet me and say hello and ask me out on a date. Men would whistle so much that it was annoying to me. So yes, men do treat me differently. Unless I'm friends with their wife - men pretty much ignore me and don't talk to me.
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Old 04-02-2013, 11:44 AM   #12
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Oh yes. I have definitely noticed a change. It's funny, I used to complain about the cat calls, stares, and pervy strangers who wanted my number and or hugs and or kisses.*sigh* That is no more. While some of the actions were a bit much, (and kinda creepy) I have only had ONE man hit on me in the past year. ONE. I am officially invisible. I miss my curves. I miss the J-Lo/Kim Kardashian thing I had going on. I am kinda ashamed to say miss the attention... I am however engaged, but I totally understand.
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Old 04-02-2013, 11:53 AM   #13
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It sucks, but it's biological programming for the most part. I certainly didn't find my last boyfriend because he liked what he saw when he walked by, and I'm the butt of the joke with the classy 20 somethings that populate the steam room at my pool. Fact of life.

BUT: There is some truth to the fact that when some of us gain weight, we stop putting in the physical and mental effort to make ourselves attractive. I was guilty of this. Not only did I dress like a slob, I didn't engage people, didn't use body language that welcomed conversation, etc. I was closed off.

I've NEVER gotten random male attention. Never been hit on in a bar, etc. But, I've been big since I was legal and I'm also 6 feet tall.
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Old 04-02-2013, 12:11 PM   #14
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I am in no way slim and trim yet but the way I am treated now whether in public or from some people I know is 100x different (I'd say better but not sure that's the right word) with 100+lbs weightloss.

It's like I am more worthy of a human being now in their eyes and it makes me sad. Maybe I notice it more now as there have been several threads on 3FC about this in the past.

I will say though...married or not....I can't wait for the first guy who outright flirts with me (even innocently) so I can run home and tell my husband!! He might get jealous for a second but my flashy newly sized diamond will be sparkling in that guy's face. I just want someone to think I am attractive now, is that too selfish?

I make it a point to talk and be friendly to everyone but especially heavier people now. It's not patronizing or condescending in the least and never weight related. You just never know when a few simple words might make or break someone's whole day and I want to be the positive in their life!
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Old 04-02-2013, 12:49 PM   #15
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I'm not attracted to men who weigh 400 pounds. I was not attracted to them when I weighed 300 and I'm not attracted to them at my current 145. That does not mean that an attraction couldn't grow based on familiarity, but they're not catching my eye in the grocery store.

It's pretty much just biology; it's not a moral weakness, it doesn't make anybody a bad person. You either get a pit of the stomach feeling about somebody or you do not. Evolution has programmed people to look for signs of health and fertility and the obese don't exactly radiate either one.

A lack of physical attraction is not, however, an excuse for being rude or dismissive. You don't have to want to date somebody to be polite.
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