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Being fat and men treating you as invisible..

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Old 04-02-2013, 03:26 PM   #31
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I didnt find this at all. Even at my heaviest I had too much male and female attention ! too much like literally..too much lol. Men are more agressive now in their approach but I think thats probably cause I'm a size 10/11 and they are generally not as worried that I can kick their arse like I could at 335lbs lol But you know its your attitude if you go through life thinking im soooo ugly then other ppl arent gonna wanna be around you. Also some ppl are attracted to certain physical traits and others arent and some dont have a preference. I do not like overly big men myself, I love a bit of pudge not gonna lie a bit of pudge makes men cuddly and soft and warm XD but im talking men that are maybe 20-40lbs over the normal not like 300+ men, it just does nothing for me, I also do not go for overly muscular men or overly stereotypically feminine men, its nothing personal, its my sexual attraction and everyone has their own, for women I dont have a preference as long as she isnt OMG IM SO FAT all the time. You can't make someone be attracted to your physical type if they just arent, its nothing mean about them its just how they were made.
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:30 PM   #32
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It's nuts. But the coping strategies big people have to adopt to get round these issues are rewarding. For those that don't get depressed and hit too bad on the self-esteem by the whole deal, bigger people are without a doubt funnier, more charming and emotionally in-touch. They also know the best restaurants (I have never had a dull night out with a big person). The real class act fat guys even dress well and have such a smooth manner and confidence that it's impossible not to like them (dare I say feel attracted to them) on some level. They have a je ne sais quoi which I have never been able to pin down, but you know the types I mean.

So for singles with these tricks up their sleeve, weight loss is going to lead to a tsunami of attention.
You are right. I have always gotten that compliment, I thought it was some line seeing as I was obese. Well I'm still getting it. Getting asked out more than I know how to say no. Never expected I'd have that problem!
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:37 PM   #33
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I think its unfair to say smaller women get all the attention. Most of the smaller women I know are always single they just can't find a boyfriend/girlfriend. You can't just wait around to be noticed either or walk around with the attitude of 'skinny girls this, skinny girls that'. Many of my guy friends and fellow bi women have straight up left larger women for having that attitude cause its a huge downer and turn off. Think about it you meet this awesome chick you take her out to dinner and then shes like oh man thanks for asking me out no one ever asks me out cause im sooo fat and they usually go for those skinny bi*ches' who totally have an eating disorder-- ive honestly been on the receiving side of that convo, no second date lol.
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:37 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by CherryQuinn View Post
I didnt find this at all. Even at my heaviest I had too much male and female attention ! too much like literally..too much lol. Men are more agressive now in their approach but I think thats probably cause I'm a size 10/11 and they are generally not as worried that I can kick their arse like I could at 335lbs lol But you know its your attitude if you go through life thinking im soooo ugly then other ppl arent gonna wanna be around you. Also some ppl are attracted to certain physical traits and others arent and some dont have a preference. I do not like overly big men myself, I love a bit of pudge not gonna lie a bit of pudge makes men cuddly and soft and warm XD but im talking men that are maybe 20-40lbs over the normal not like 300+ men, it just does nothing for me, I also do not go for overly muscular men or overly stereotypically feminine men, its nothing personal, its my sexual attraction and everyone has their own, for women I dont have a preference as long as she isnt OMG IM SO FAT all the time. You can't make someone be attracted to your physical type if they just arent, its nothing mean about them its just how they were made.
Cherry,

I seem to recall responding to a thread that you started a few weeks ago in which you talked about the attitudes of the people where you live with respect to weight. As I recall, they did not think you were fat at your highest weight, and were giving you grief about losing weight, saying that you didn't need to. Given that, it seems only natural that you wouldn't experience the same sort of stigma that so many other obese people experience.
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Started out at 405.5 on 7/31/12. Then lost 156 lbs to get down to 249.5 by 7/31/13. In the past year I have put back on over 40 pounds and reached a high of 291.5. But I have recommitted myself and quickly took off ten pounds by 7/31/14. I am now trying to take off the weight I put back on, and then lose the rest of the weight I was originally trying to lose. ---- Starting weight / Low weight / Current Weight / Goal Weight

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Old 04-02-2013, 03:39 PM   #35
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Cherry,

I seem to recall responding to a thread that you started a few weeks ago in which you talked about the attitudes of the people where you live with respect to weight. As I recall, they did not think you were fat at your highest weight, and were giving you grief about losing weight, saying that you didn't need to. Given that, it seems only natural that you wouldn't experience the same sort of stigma that so many other obese people experience.
Yes this is true, a part of what a person feels attracted to is cultural. Men here generally do not care about weight for dating
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:57 PM   #36
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The real class act fat guys even dress well and have such a smooth manner and confidence that it's impossible not to like them (dare I say feel attracted to them) on some level. They have a je ne sais quoi which I have never been able to pin down, but you know the types I mean.
Like Kevin James or Seth Rogen? LOL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9uBvoYLvYE

(Warning: The foregoing clip is NSFW, may be offensive and is not suitable to all audiences, but will be funny to people who like the madcap stylings of Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd.)
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Started out at 405.5 on 7/31/12. Then lost 156 lbs to get down to 249.5 by 7/31/13. In the past year I have put back on over 40 pounds and reached a high of 291.5. But I have recommitted myself and quickly took off ten pounds by 7/31/14. I am now trying to take off the weight I put back on, and then lose the rest of the weight I was originally trying to lose. ---- Starting weight / Low weight / Current Weight / Goal Weight
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:07 PM   #37
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I've noticed a difference in how I'm treated by men and women alike since my weight has gone down, but like others I really think it happens to correspond more to confidence then a number on the scale.

Most people, especially in social situations, aren't hunting for someone whose spirits need lifting/someone who needs reassurance about their value. Usually we are looking to have a good time and engage with others we find fun and energetic. Lets face it, a lot of the times being overweight comes along with a slew of self-image issues that often prevent you from being the best version of yourself.

I always admired my female friends who were overweight but possessed the social skills and confidence I lacked. Now that I'm married with a child and a whole real adult life I no longer worry about a lot of the shallow thoughts that use to bog me down and I realize that it's how comfortable you are being you (regardless of your weight) that tends to attract others socially.

And of course there is always the biological attraction to individuals who appear healthy and fit.
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Old 04-02-2013, 05:57 PM   #38
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HAHAHAHA........nice post.....i don't need to be fat to be invisible to men. I have an accessory that scares the **** out of them the moment they lay their eyes on it. It is permanently hanging at end of my right hand and it is 4 years old with long ponytails!......One look at that and i am immediately deleted from the woman category and thrown into the 'breeder' one.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Equally impressive is that when i go out without my daughter or my step daughter, they do look at me......and voila the kids make their appearance and the guy that was looking at me with such fervor suddenly is interested in the weather phenomena.....You girl can loose the weight and get your admirers back.....i can't loose the kids
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Old 04-02-2013, 06:42 PM   #39
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Great to hear everyone's view on this. I don't have self esteem issues nor do I exude a frumpy attitude! - it just makes me angry. And this is in all situations as well including professional - the lack of eye contact when they are talking to you and feeling like telling the person to grow up. It's just infuriating not to mention immature and it crosses the line into being a bigot.
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:31 AM   #40
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You better believe I've noticed this, from both men and women. I've noticed this with strangers and people I've known at work for over 15 years.

While I agree it may be the case for some people that they've become more outgoing, whatever, it's certainly not the cause for me.
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:41 AM   #41
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Great to hear everyone's view on this. I don't have self esteem issues nor do I exude a frumpy attitude! - it just makes me angry. And this is in all situations as well including professional - the lack of eye contact when they are talking to you and feeling like telling the person to grow up. It's just infuriating not to mention immature and it crosses the line into being a bigot.
Maybe they can feel your anger! Of course we all have different experiences, no doubt about that, and I don't question that you are experiencing such things, not at all.

I, personally, never experienced being treated badly, or people avoiding eye contact. Maybe I just was lucky.
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Old 04-03-2013, 04:13 PM   #42
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Don't let men define how you feel about yourself, most men will go with ANY woman who smiles at him and acts like he's just soooooooo wonderful, they are simple creatures, who cares what they think of us!
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Old 04-03-2013, 06:39 PM   #43
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Don't let men define how you feel about yourself, most men will go with ANY woman who smiles at him and acts like he's just soooooooo wonderful, they are simple creatures, who cares what they think of us!
LOL I guess I was hoping for a bit more intelligence!. It's not all men I have come across, some don't care that i'm fat and treat me as a normal human being and these guys are not fat themselves nor are they ugly. I think it's also got to do with how people are raised. If you are taught to look at what is on the inside and not the outside you are far more likely not to treat people like they are invisible if they are fat etc.

I can imagine people who are disfigured in some way would go this this exact same thing.

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Old 04-04-2013, 02:39 AM   #44
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Ι was dancing with this guy once and his friend (who was so, so hot) came and called him this made up word that I don't know how to translate, but it would mean that he has a mental disease that makes him go after fat chicks, I guess.

Then last Saturday, I was out in that same place and hot ******* came after me. He wouldn't leave me alone all night long. It was so funny to me. I let him buy me a beer and 2 rounds of shots (pink ones with whipped cream and sprinkles!) for everyone I was with and then I reminded him of that night and I left. It was fun!
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Old 04-04-2013, 03:53 AM   #45
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Ι was dancing with this guy once and his friend (who was so, so hot) came and called him this made up word that I don't know how to translate, but it would mean that he has a mental disease that makes him go after fat chicks, I guess.

Then last Saturday, I was out in that same place and hot ******* came after me. He wouldn't leave me alone all night long. It was so funny to me. I let him buy me a beer and 2 rounds of shots (pink ones with whipped cream and sprinkles!) for everyone I was with and then I reminded him of that night and I left. It was fun!
Awesome to get back at him!

I am curious about this made up word now!!!

Also, when I become a "skinny girl" i am totally going to judge guys by how they treat bigger girls ..... not sure how I will create this test, but that will be a criteria for being a good guy! Its one thing to not be attracted but another thing to be just plain mean.
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