Id: "I don't want to go on a walk! It's cold out!"
Ego: "Yup. You're right...it's cold. Don't forget your gloves."
So I bundled up and took my 2 mile walk last night- and it did feel awesome, but I wondered...Where do these excuses come from? Who is that voice in my head that says "Why don't you watch The Bachelor and have a glass of wine instead?" Who is she?! And how do I get her to make better decisions?
At least this lazy voice in my head is relatively honest. I asked her last night- "Are you just making up excuses? You've walked in the cold before." And yes...indeed...that was just an excuse. I had the energy to walk and a dog that would very much appreciate it- so that's what we did.
Does anyone else have a voice in their head that tells them to play video games instead of going to the gym? Where does this voice come from and how do we reason with it?
And no- I don't have multiple personalities, but I think the majority of us have internal dialogues every once in awhile. I doubt many people here want to be overweight, but some voice in our head says, "That cake is flipping delicious. Eat it."
So as I was having my internal dialogue, I asked my voice- WHY didn't you want to go on a walk? It's wonderful out here. You can smell the wood burning in people's homes. This is a special season.
And the response? "It's hard. I don't like feeling winded."
Love the awareness! You have that voice licked! I don't even hear mine until it is in the act of over-eating half the time. That voice is a child or a dog. Treat it firmly but kindly and you will get it trained.
it's one of the reasons I like classes instead of doing it on my own. On my own, I would be "that's enough". With someone, I'll just keep up and do the full routine.
And for me, the excuses get easier to listen to as the hours tick on the clock. I get TIRED at night and so doing things in the evening is HARD for me.
Last edited by berryblondeboys; 02-20-2013 at 08:03 PM.
Yes, we all do have that internal monologue and it never goes away as far as I can tell. The point is to listen to that negative voice and then go "nah, I'm going to do it (or not do it, depending on the act in question) anyways." That's what discipline is. It is also important to not give up just because you give in to it once or twice. You just have to keep trying.
I don't think that's making excuses, I think that's normal! It's an internal decision-making process, using forethought. It's a cost/benefit analysis. Like... "if I eat this cake it will be tasty and release serotonin and dopamine into my system, making me happier" versus "if I eat this cake, it will spike my blood sugar, then I will feel shaky and drowsy... and I'll have heartburn". And the internal dialogue puts it in context too, such as... "but I've been eating very clean recently, and I really would like the cake, and I feel healthy enough to eat it without it derailing my efforts", or "I haven't been eating that well recently, I've been stressed and lacking in sleep and I can already feel the building adverse effects of too much sugar in my body, so no matter how tasty the cake is, I'll have it another day".
And THEN you make the decision based on what this largely unconscious analysis tells you. If you can tap into this, it's really, REALLY useful! I'm still learning, but I can now actually hear my brain running through how I think my body will react hormonally if I eat certain things. It helps with not feeling deprived. Some days I can refuse the cake because I know it'll make me feel awful. Some days I eat the cake because the cost/benefit analysis says it won't hurt me. So when I don't eat the cake, it's not because the cake is "bad", or I'm "bad" for considering it, but because it just wouldn't help me. And I know I can have it another time when it's a better option given the circumstances.
And the not walking in the cold thing? YES! I have seriously slacked off with the walking recently because I hate the cold. I'm using that reasoning next time! I've walked in the cold before! And it didn't kill me. In fact, it helped me lose 16lbs. I carried a 20lb rucksack back from the supermarket the other day (seriously, I put it on the scale when I got in...) and thought "honestly?! THAT weight is what you were carrying EVERYWHERE with you until recently?! No wonder your knees no longer hurt when walking down stairs!!" That... THAT is motivation to continue!
shiv- WOW! You are SOOOO connected with yourself! I LOVE it! How are you learning? You are doing intuitive eating, right? Do you have any book or blog recommendations? Because I would love to have such a rational internal dialogue!!
berryblonde- I'm the same way about classes. However- lately I've been using 3FC as accountability. I can't wait to get on and post about my successful accomplishments- as if everyone here is really rooting for me and expecting me to do the best I can- so I want to do the best I can for everyone here. (And maybe help motivate some others along the way?)
shiv- WOW! You are SOOOO connected with yourself! I LOVE it! How are you learning? You are doing intuitive eating, right? Do you have any book or blog recommendations? Because I would love to have such a rational internal dialogue!!
Ok, here goes!
1. Have no friends growing up - spend most of the time talking to yourself
2. Be ridiculously analytical ANYWAY. Honestly, I don't know how I get anything done. My answer to "JUST DO IT" is... "WHY?".
All kidding aside, reading up on the hormonal aspects of why we eat what we do is what made it make sense to me. It kind of let me off the hook emotionally. If I know I'm craving donuts because I didn't get enough sleep last night, it helps me structure my life to make better choices later. Another thing was psychotherapy. I was an innate people-pleaser, to my own detriment. I think going through everything I did in my 20s (when I failed spectacularly at diets so many times) led me to the point where I had to do something, and I finally came to believe I deserve to be fit, healthy and happy. I used to think things like that were for other people and not me. Another thing, journaling. After you eat something, note down how it makes you feel. I had to experiment with eating all the sugar I wanted before I could realise that it's not so special after all. Though, I'd resigned myself to being obese forever at that point, so I had nothing to lose through the experiment.
As for books, I've only got Allen Carr's Easyweigh to Lose Weight. It's good, I like his approach. It's not a diet, doesn't favour any particular plan, doesn't shove IE down your throat (as I know, IE is an unpredictable beast and not for everyone - I couldn't have done it a year ago - and I'm all for healthy eating plans, I just can't stick to them myself). I've heard good things from other IE-ers about anything by Geneen Roth. Also the Beck Diet Solution, though I've not read that either.
In case you want stuff online, instead of posting a load of links here, I've updated the blogroll on my 3FC diet blog with every page that has helped me, and these are all pages I have bookmarked in my phone so I can read and re-read them. There's a lot! I'm pretty obsessive.
And by no means am I great at this... I'm starting to flag and my rational mindset is slipping. I think it's stress. But yeah, check out the links if you want and remember that hormones trump willpower every time! So you're not a bad person if you want cake, there's just something going on internally (I have eaten nothing but **** all day so never come to me if you want advice on willpower and motivation, lol!)
It's weird, there IS the voice that wants to protect your body. As if babying it will make it last longer. It's just a weird evolutionary quirk that it can't see the big picture / long-range result.
I have that voice too--and I'm learning more and better ways to talk back to it. "I don't want to go on the treadmill." "I don't have to want to--I just have to do it." "Hmm, look Frango mints." "You're right <disinterest> But those mints have nothing to do with me." (Cognitive Behavior Therapy!)
I had one of those internal conversations with myself last night and it went along the lines of:
I want to exercise for 20 minutes tonight but first I have to clean up and make supper. Cleaning up took an hour and supper will be another hours, I don't want to work out until I have eaten but it will be after 8:30pm by then and we do have American Horror Story S2 to keep watching, and I am doing Tae bo class tomorrow which is very intense. Maybe I'll just skip the exercise tonight...
LOL, it's funny how our minds can weigh all the options and arguments and even thinking it through now I feel like it wasn't a bad choice to skip my workout but some part of me still feels guilty over doing it. I guess I still need to get to the point where I am aware enough of what I do and don't need to be able to make a choice like that and feel good about it.
Oh, and btw, I used to talk to myself all the time as a kid and I still do, my grandmother always told me "clever people talk to themselves" but I think she was just making me feel better. LOL.
Great thread, I also talk to myself, internally and sometimes accidentally out loud (eek)
I can spend ages talking myself in and out of stuff. Some days the healthy choice wins, other times not.
Some choices I have to think about much less then before, like not buying junk at the shops. It only crosses my mind in weak moments when I'll think ooh, that looks nice, but then I tell myself, "but I don't want it." My three times a week morning workouts have become non-negotiable. Its hard to get out of bed, but I've come to realise its just as hard an hour later, so I might as well get up 'cos I know I'll feel like crap if I don't exercise.
Its afternoon exercise that I struggle with, I've been trying to up my exercise sessions to 4 or 5 times a week by exercising a couple of afternoons, but then the internal dialogue starts "I'm tired", "I just have to finish reading this.", "I don't feel so well", "work has been rough today", "I need to get supper started" for swimming "I don't feel like being wet and smelling of chlorine" moan groan etc. Reading it now, its actually pathetic!
Yes! We all do this. One of my favorite quotes I've seen on 3FC (from a former person I miss on the boards. ) is:
If you want it, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.
I think it applies to everything in life, not just weight loss/exercise. Think about the last time you got stubborn and just really wanted something and a few roadblocks went up. Did you say, oh well, yeah, that's too bad and quit? Of course not, you brainstormed a way to make it happen. You did it and you are proud of yourself, right?
We all know the person that has every excuse in the book about why they don't want to go back to school or get a better job or pursue a hobby or some other self improvement project. We assume that it must not be really that important to them or they'd do it because the excuses they come up with seem weak. Or maybe for ourselves, we've found ways to overcome challenges in our lives despite every roadblock in the world coming at us. So, why can't we apply it to weight loss/health improvement?
So, yes, the voices come and trust me, I can rationalize ANYTHING, but I try to keep this quote in mind and remind myself that this does matter to me, I do want it and I am going to apply my same stubbornness that I've applied to other areas in my life to still make it happen.
I think the quote also gives the ultimate accountability. We have control over our bodies. No one is going to do this for us. At some point, the only person that can make this happen is me. What choices and sacrifices am I willing to make to get what I want?
Is this an excuse??
and remember that hormones trump willpower every time! So you're not a bad person if you want cake, there's just something going on internally 
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