Wundawoman, there's a journalist named Laura Frasier (it's been awhile, at least I THINK that's her name) who writes about weight issues. In one of her books (in which she debunks the diet industry) she talked about her pear-shaped body and how she loved it. She told the story how a man tried to rape her and she realized how strong this pear-shaped lower body was for fighting attackers from the ground.
To me, it seems intuitive that the pear-shape is one of nature's favorite shape for women (apologizing in advance to all non-pears who are wonderful in their own right ... I'm only speaking of pears at the moment). The pear shape lowers a woman's center of gravity to provide a good defense against attack ... the pear shape (doctors say) is among the healthiest of body types (those who carry weight around their middle closer to the heart are at a higher risk for disease, so they tell me) ... and if you think about it, there are probably more pears-shaped women around than any other kind (again, the other shapes are great in their own right) ... this might indicate that the laws of natural selection have found something in the pear-shape that is advantageous enough to want to keep.
So, dear Wundawoman, HOW can you feel it is freakish to possess a GLORIOUS and FAVORABLE pear-shaped body?
How can you feel suicidal (glad you're past that now, BTW) because of your beautiful body? (I don't mean that to sound offensive, I really, really understand but you need to sort this out and really work at realizing it's how you look at yourself, not how you really look that's the problem).
I guess my advice (since you asked) is to work at really liking that pear-shape and making it the best asset that you have. I don't know what your exercise schedule is like, but maybe some weight training with an emphasis on the lower body would help or a body sculpting class. Also, maybe Pilates or ballet classes or videos would stretch you out a bit and give you a more dancer-like look.
It's really hard to change our basic shape, as you know, but boy can we maximize what we have. But self-hate and rage towards our bodies will only produce the opposite effect. When you fully realize how beautiful you are, then others will see it, too.
P.S. Don't feel like the Lone Ranger, Kemo Sabe!
I hate lycra, too, and have to wear a smaller size on top than on the bottom ... PLUS, I can't wear long sleeved jackets (apart from the fact that I live in the desert) because my arms are too short AND I can't wear any jeans that are not a large size petite because my legs are too short for the rest of me. Sheesh!
BTW, Bobbie Brook's (sp?) jeans have a lot of fitting options and have nice stretchy waists. They are inexpensive, too.
And, P.S., what a nice DH you have!