Dieting while being constantly demoralized - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

tacocat1 · 02-09-2013, 01:04 AM

Hi! I'm new here. I'm 21 and really obese (5'4", 225lbs). I live with my older sister who is a b*tch, and likes to constantly demoralize me, and push me off the weight loss wagon. I have to sneak around her just to be able to eat healthier and get exercise without getting a comment somewhere along the lines of "You're fat and hopeless. Why do you even bother?"
I've talked to her before about how her words hurt me. She stopped, but a week later, she was back to her old judging self.
I decided that this time, I'm not letting her get to me, but in all honesty, it's very hard. Especially because she's family... It's very difficult when people you love don't support you.
Has anyone else been in a situation like mine? What did you do?
...or anyone have any tips or advice to keep myself strong, and stick with my decision to be healthier?

theox · 02-09-2013, 01:18 AM

Hi tacocat1, welcome to 3FC!

Have you considered moving out? Why put up with her attempts to influence your actions?

If you can't move out, find other ways to build yourself up and learn how to better handle her put-downs. Personally, I'm a big fan of David Burns' book, Feeling Good, which has pretty substantial sections on both building self-esteem and dealing with criticism.

Good luck!

tacocat1 · 02-09-2013, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theox

Hi tacocat1, welcome to 3FC!

Have you considered moving out? Why put up with her attempts to influence your actions?

If you can't move out, find other ways to build yourself up and learn how to better handle her put-downs. Personally, I'm a big fan of David Burns' book, Feeling Good, which has pretty substantial sections on both building self-esteem and dealing with criticism.

Good luck!

Hi! Thanks for the advice!
I actually can't move out. I live far away from home because of school, and the only reason I was allowed to move away was because my sister and I would be living together. My family is as Asian as you can get, so the "I'm an adult, I can do what I want" thing doesn't apply to us. lol. Anyway, I'll look into that book! Thanks again!

amandie · 02-09-2013, 01:42 AM

That is just horrible. I do not have a sister, only an older brother and he would never talk to me like that so I cannot relate and I feel horrified and saddened (also somewhat mad, lol.) to read this. I wish I could be your big sister and have a "talk" with your real sister because that is just bullcrap, you should not have to deal with that.. Not from your own sister.

I have no advice other than to ignore her and just keep going to prove her wrong. Tell her just because you guys are family does not give her the right to comment on your habits whatever they may be. Prove her wrong for yourself.

missunshine · 02-09-2013, 05:08 AM

i have exactly the same problem and i know how you feel. that's why i decided to transfer to another university far away from my family and we get along better the less we see each other.
when i am home, like right now, i just ignore her. whatever she says i just laugh at her and don't let her comments bother me because my sister is a special case of immaurity and everyone knows it so no one takes her seroiusly even if she's so much older than me.
i don't care when she criticize me for other things but when it comes to my weight i can't stand it. from that i learnt to be stronger and don't let her take me down so easily.
don't let your sister see you're hurt and in time she will see that she can't affect you anymore like before and hopefully eventually she'll stop.

chubbiegurl · 02-09-2013, 11:43 AM

U are going to have to ignore her as hard as that may seem, maybe deep down she fears u actually accomplishing your goal, so she is trying to derail you by demoralizing you. Use any anger she may cause u as motivation if necessary.

elvislover324 · 02-09-2013, 11:56 AM

Hi tacocat, I am so sorry to read that you have to deal with all of this from your sister. I have had similar situations in my life and now that I am older, I realized I have to do things for me and only for me. Please try to ignore your sister and take care of you. Don't talk to her about your diet and/or weightloss, it's not open for discussion. This is all about you and only you. I know it's easier said than done and no one should have to deal with abuse like that. It makes me want to cry for you as I know exactly what you are going through. Please come here often to 3FC and let us be your support group. I know it's not the same as having someone in real life but I have found this site to be exceptionally caring people who are more supportive than some people in my "real" life.

Hugs to you and I hope you can follow through with this. You deserve to be happy and healthy, sweety.

newleaf123 · 02-09-2013, 12:03 PM

What a difficult situation... Is this behavior something that your parents have witnessed? Maybe they can somehow stop it?

As a mother myself, I wouldn't want my adult sons to live together if I knew it was demoralizing to one of them... But I know that the circumstances in your family are probably very different.

ilidawn · 02-09-2013, 12:20 PM

That's a really difficult situation to be in, I'm sorry. It's horrible the way she is treating you but try to ignore her. There's something wrong with her to be treating you that way (no clue what her issue is but she's lashing out at you for it). It took me a long time to realize people who tear others down are fighting their own issues and it's not the fault of who they're lashing out at. I'm afraid there's not a lot I can suggest other than that. We're here for you though! We believe in you!

RavenWolf · 02-09-2013, 12:58 PM

You know what? I wouldn't sneak around behind her to eat healthier! I would do it right in front of her, and if she says ugly things to you about it, just reply with, "I'm going to do what it takes to get healthy." That way, you aren't stooping to her demoralizing low, and you are saying something that WILL help you feel more confident about your decisions.

Try not to be around her as much as possible. Go for walks out of doors to soothe your spirit, burn off calories, and have peace! What could be better???

You can do this! You are WORTH this! And you know what? She may not support your efforts, but by coming here you will have so much support!

Keep doing what you need to do to get to YOUR goal. In the grand scheme of things, your "revenge" will be her looking at a healthy, happy you!

Amarantha2 · 02-09-2013, 01:12 PM

Although your family culture seems to not recognize that you are legally an adult and can live and do as you please, the reality is that you are an adult and the choice is yours.

So sorry this is happening to you. Hugs, be well.

Arctic Mama · 02-09-2013, 01:37 PM

In the end, whatever she says is her own problem, you don't have to let it be yours. I know it is hard to hear such things, but you CAN turn them into good. Use each one of those comments as fuel for your own healthy habits. Make her eat her words, and even if she never does all you have gained is confidence and health through the process. She has NO power over your choices, only you can do that. She's just an obnoxious, clanging gong in the background

happynottsgirl · 02-09-2013, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amarantha2

Although your family culture seems to not recognize that you are legally an adult and can live and do as you please, the reality is that you are an adult and the choice is yours.

So sorry this is happening to you. Hugs, be well.

I agree. You are free to do as you want. My family was the same with me regarding moving away for college, and said if you move away don't ever come back. Quite laughable considering how they used to treat me, mostly because of my gender, who would ever in their right mind voluntarily submit to that! I moved away for college (they couldn't care less whether I went to uni or not). It all improved quite quickly. Sometimes it's like they say: You teach people how to treat you. Luckily for some reason, I always had this innate feeling that I deserved to be treated better, and never ever believed the lifestyle they wanted to inflict upon me was necessary, enjoyable, or made any sense as to mental, emotional, physical or intellectual health.

BreathingSpace · 02-09-2013, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tacocat1

I've talked to her before about how her words hurt me. She stopped, but a week later, she was back to her old judging self.

What was her reaction when you told her it hurt you? Did she seem sorry? Regretful? Or just laugh and be like "whatever"?

she may not truly believe that it really does hurt you THAT much, she may think she's just joking around. my brother does it all the time and I seriously want to punch him for it. So when he gets like that and I can't take it anymore, I pull out the ONE thing that actually really bothers him, I say "it" and then he shuts up. I sometimes even say "every single time you say that to me, I will call you _______________" and that usually does that trick.

We are both adults, but this childish resolution actually seems to work! It's like he doesn't have the power to empathize until I turn it on him and he sees how it feels. Some people are just kinda dense like that.

Skinnygirldreams · 02-09-2013, 06:20 PM

I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. It's horrible when those that you love try to hurt you instead of support or help you. Keep your chin up. Prove her wrong. I agree with who ever said don't hide your healthy eating habits. Show her that you can do this and that despite her you will be a healthier you despite her.