How do you react when somr one comments on your loss?
Sometimes I am a bit bumbling. My bf and I recently saw his much older half-sister for the first time in a long time. I don't know her well, because my bf doesn't see her much due to some pretty unforgivable behavior from her after their father passed away. It's still pleasant, but awkward. She has always been very friendly and nice towards me the few times I've met her. Last night was no exception, but she told me that I was looking good. I knew it was in reference to my weight, and I just got flustered and mumbled out some bunch of words to the effect of a mix between self-deprecation and thank you. She later told my bf that she hoped she didn't offend me, and it makes me worry that I looked offended.
I get this way any time anyone comments on my weightloss or how good I look. I'm a person that is a bit stuck in my own head during social interaction anyway, and these comments have me sputtering around every time some one says something. It's like I'm always caught off guard by it. So, my question is, how do you respond when some one gives you this kind of compliment? Please tell me I'm not the only sputterer in the room.
I moved 90+miles from everyone so I actually haven't seen my family or friends since election day and I had not started losing weight yet. But two days ago I went to the hospital for my aunt and her daughter say "damn look at u, u r all skinny b***h." My cousin always has a foul mouth. I just said "jeez its not like i was that big", they laughed like " u kinda were." I got kinda shy and embarrassed about it. My aunt had a roommate in the hospital and I felt like the other family was picturing me fat. It felt a little weird but I am sure the rest of my family would not react in that way. My cousin has always been kinda competive with me, last time I lost weight she said "you may be the skinny one now, but I am the pretty one."
I never know how to react either. I think weight loss is such a personal issue. If its my close family, like my Mom, sister or Grandmother I'll usually talk about it, but at work, with coworkers that I don't see often I downplay it, or just ignore the comment until they move on. One patient was adamant about it and I had to ask her to mind her own business because she was making me uncomfortable and trampling my professional boundaries, but I'm like that,very direct and very forceful with protecting my boundaries (because as a large woman in the workplace, especially with male coworkers, there is a lot of outright discrimination and harassment).
I usually just said thanks in the past and tell them I've been putting in the work to make it happen. Most people genuinely mean it as a compliment and so that's how I've always tried to take it
I've only had one person (besides my trainer and my H) comment on my weight loss so far and it wasn't positive.
She said "Your fitness has really improved..." (compliment, said in positive tone).
"And you've lost weight..." (said in a neutral tone) "Are you on a diet?" (said in a negative tone)
But this was someone on my rugby team. In my position - being heavy and fit is an advantage - and starving oneself would be a definite no-no. I told her I wasn't on a diet, just being more careful about how I eat - but she didn't seem to believe me. I am NOT on a diet.
It has been a long time since my major weight loss so no one comments on my weight anymore lol. I am very open about weight & diet & in the past if anyone said anything I said thanks. If they wanted to talk about too much I just politely changed subjects. Most people mean well when they talk about someone's weight loss.
I have been trying so hard to just say thank you and smile.
I always seem to downplay my accomplishment to people, sometimes due to embarrassment for how out of control I got and other times for how much I still have to lose.
There is a woman who calls me "skinny" when she sees me, as in "hi skinny". As much as she is nice to say it, I am only skinny compared to what I was. I certainly am not skinny by any means now.
It depends what is said, but if it's somebody I haven't seen in a while and they something like "you look well/skinny/good" then I just say "thanks, I guess I haven't seen you in a while!"
With people I see a lot like family/work colleagues, I just say thanks and if they want to ask more about it then I am happy to discuss it. But I don't shout about my weightloss from the rooftops, I don't want to bore people so keep schtum unless they ask me directly.
Last time I lost weight, I was a sputtering mess and kinda rude when my mom's boyfriend complimented me. She took me to the next room and ripped me a new one. She said, "Even if you haven't lost a single pound, you always, always say thank you no matter what." So since then, any compliment has been an automatic "Thank you."
I usually just say thank you. But inside I'm still insecure. If the other person makes a real big deal about it all I can think is "man I must have looked really horrible before".
I know that most people are saying it as a compliment - but somehow it feels like insult. Weird - right?
I am so darn proud of my accomplishment. I've been working so hard for the last month- and I also want to encourage others to achieve their wellness goals.
So when people mention anything, I'll often say, "Thanks! I've lost 16 pounds!" I'm happy to share my joy with others.
Seriously; I only elaborate on the plan, how hard or long the work was, or how much happier I am eating this way than my previous diet, if it is someone who would benefit from the information and is genuinely interested. Otherwise a big smile and gracious acceptance is all that is needed and makes my day AND theirs.
There are very few social situations that can't be smoothed over by a sweet smile and simple answer. I think we can overly complicate things by trying to self depricate or read into what is being said, and that only drives us crazy
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 02-09-2013 at 05:30 PM.
If hostile comments toward you occur in the workplace, you may have a potential claim for employment discrimination. There are lots of online resources that offer guidance regarding discrimination based on weight and/or disability. For example, http://www.rapaportlaw.com/areas/dis...rimination.php
How do you react when somr one comments on your loss?
