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My husband's thoughts on my goal weight - food for thought...

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Old 01-25-2013, 09:52 AM   #46
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I've been thinking a lot about the topic of this thread and have been reading all of the responses. I reflected on my last weight loss endevour when got me down into the low 140s before I regained plus some. This tainted my belief that I could maintain that weight or go lower, which I had wanted to when I had got there. The thing is though, it wasn't that it was an unrealistic goal FOR ME, it was that I proceeded to eat like crazy and not be active. I had just gotten married, we were eating out nearly daily and "treating" ourselves to pints of ice cream several times a week, drinking quite often (beer and other high calorie drinks), going and seeing movies getting full calorie soda and extra large popcorn and candy. I can't very well expect to maintain ANY weight with that kind of lifestyle, I can only expect to just keep gaining, which I did.

When I started out losing this time I figured the 160s would be realistic for me, but that was selling myself short. I, personally, never was happy in the 160s. I do have a small frame and for me I think a good weight is more in the 120s at this point, I won't know until I'm there. Did I ever think that was possible? Heck no! For me it would be selling myself short stopping shy of my ideal body.

Goal weights are a personal thing, very personal! I would never go as far as to tell someone they should change theirs to higher or lower than what they want it to be unless I truly had concern for the person's health and well being. That's between you and whoever else you choose to include (spouse, doctor etc). BUT I do think that sometimes people settle for higher weights because they've put unnecessary limitations on themselves or they think it will take more work or lower calories than it actually will or that they've been unable to maintain it before but really it was due to overeating. Now, I'm not saying that is the case for all, or even most, just saying that some settle for higher weights for the wrong reasons.

If you are truly healthy and truly happy that's all that really matters right?
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Old 01-25-2013, 10:51 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by LockItUp View Post
...I do think that sometimes people settle for higher weights because they've put unnecessary limitations on themselves or they think it will take more work or lower calories than it actually will or that they've been unable to maintain it before but really it was due to overeating. Now, I'm not saying that is the case for all, or even most, just saying that some settle for higher weights for the wrong reasons.

If you are truly healthy and truly happy that's all that really matters right?
Totally in agreement, and I had to highlight that one part of your post.

It seems that a lot of people set these goal weights because they feel like that's the best they can do. I wish more people would just use the mirror or their clothing to judge and keep going for it!

That's sort of a sideline issue to the main point of the post, which I believe was basically; what is a weight that I can HAPPILY sustain? I think that all of us can do amazing things and probably lose more weight/dress sizes/inches, etc. than we allow ourselves to believe... but at what cost?

For BBB, she knows she CAN get down to 160 but what sacrifices would she have to make to get there? Sure, that morning weigh-in might be a thrill but if you're miserable and glaring at your kids with loathing while they enjoy a slice of birthday cake and you're eating carrot sticks for the rest of your life that certainly isn't happiness.

I suppose I'm in the middle; I know what MY goals are and I'm doing what it takes to get there... I won't project that on anyone else. If someone says "I'm currently 500 pounds and my goal weight is 300 pounds" I don't say "You can do better." I say "Good for you!" At the same time though, I'm hoping that person hits 300 pounds and says "I can keep going".

If they don't, they don't, and that's not my issue. Not everyone has the same priorties BUT I wish more people would really push themselves and shoot for the moon IF what they REALLY want deep down inside is different from what they allow themselves to reach for.

If someone GENUINELY wants to run a marathon they should go for it! If someone really is perfectly content walking a 5k they should do that... but for that person who wants to run the marathon, why stop at a 5k? Where is the challenge? If someone just wants to do that 5k why push yourself into a marathon if you're going to hate it? I'm rambling a bit but my point is that people should have the courage to go after what they really desire, if nothing else than just to avoid wondering "what if?" later on down the road.
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Old 01-25-2013, 12:18 PM   #48
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Thanks berryblondeboys ... it said I am ALREADY AT MY TRUE WEIGHT! Break out the balloons!
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Old 01-25-2013, 12:34 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by JossFit View Post
Totally in agreement, and I had to highlight that one part of your post.

It seems that a lot of people set these goal weights because they feel like that's the best they can do. I wish more people would just use the mirror or their clothing to judge and keep going for it!

That's sort of a sideline issue to the main point of the post, which I believe was basically; what is a weight that I can HAPPILY sustain? I think that all of us can do amazing things and probably lose more weight/dress sizes/inches, etc. than we allow ourselves to believe... but at what cost?

For BBB, she knows she CAN get down to 160 but what sacrifices would she have to make to get there? Sure, that morning weigh-in might be a thrill but if you're miserable and glaring at your kids with loathing while they enjoy a slice of birthday cake and you're eating carrot sticks for the rest of your life that certainly isn't happiness.

I suppose I'm in the middle; I know what MY goals are and I'm doing what it takes to get there... I won't project that on anyone else. If someone says "I'm currently 500 pounds and my goal weight is 300 pounds" I don't say "You can do better." I say "Good for you!" At the same time though, I'm hoping that person hits 300 pounds and says "I can keep going".

If they don't, they don't, and that's not my issue. Not everyone has the same priorties BUT I wish more people would really push themselves and shoot for the moon IF what they REALLY want deep down inside is different from what they allow themselves to reach for.

If someone GENUINELY wants to run a marathon they should go for it! If someone really is perfectly content walking a 5k they should do that... but for that person who wants to run the marathon, why stop at a 5k? Where is the challenge? If someone just wants to do that 5k why push yourself into a marathon if you're going to hate it? I'm rambling a bit but my point is that people should have the courage to go after what they really desire, if nothing else than just to avoid wondering "what if?" later on down the road.
This is so true - what are our goals? What do we really want? And what are we willing to do to get there? What am "I" willing to do to get there?

My main goal has always been to be healthy. To be free of drugs to keep me "running/operating". I wanted to have energy to go hiking, biking, playing with my kids. To not feel like I'm gasping for air at doing simple things.

As I got going and started losing, I wanted something more. I wanted to feel beautiful. I was catching glimpses of myself today while in Zumba class. I can tell that I'm dropping weight. The scale might not be showing it yet, but my body is (It's that time of the month I hold steady on the scale or even gain slightly). And I remember seeing how my body looked at 165. My inner thighs didn't touch. My mid-section really thins out and dressed, I look pretty darn good. Naked, not so much as I'm full of stretch marks and saggy skin, though that doesn't seem to affect my husband's attraction to me.

At 165 I could see muscle definition everywhere and I could see my ribs on my chest, but I looked strong. I looked fit and I liked that look.

So, I want to get so that I look like I'm fit again - without fluff. I want people to think, "Who is that attractive middle aged woman over there?" I spent so much of my adulthood. ALL of it actually being fat - hiding behind fat. I want to claim some of these years to look good!

Heck, I want to be one of those older women who look GREAT at 70 which means staying active and fit.

I wish I could erase the scars and the years, but I can't. I've earned them. I have a story, but I don't want to hide any more. I want to shine. So, 175 I don't feel like I shine yet. I was feeling it at 165, which is why I chose 160 as a goal in my ticker as that would get me even fitter and looking better.

I don't want to be thin... I want to be strong and fit looking - not like a runway model - Just as good as a middle aged mesomorph/endomorph shape can look.
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Old 01-25-2013, 12:43 PM   #50
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what is a weight that I can HAPPILY sustain? I think that all of us can do amazing things and probably lose more weight/dress sizes/inches, etc. than we allow ourselves to believe... but at what cost?
An important question - also, sometimes getting yourself out of the bad situations that arise when you push yourself too far can be a whole other 'nother challenge. Numbers have so much power that a lot of people will do ANYTHING to get back to a weight they were once, even if it was a result of unhealthy behavior, stomach virus or what have you.

Sometimes you have to set different standards for yourself than what you initially wanted or preferred aesthetically.
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Old 01-25-2013, 12:51 PM   #51
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A key thing I think about is maintenance...I might be able to get to a lower weight...but can I stay there forever? We all know the abysmal regain percentage for folks who lose weight...

I need to be eating at a level I can live with forever, and I'm almost positive that if I go down to some of the goals others my height have I will never be able to stay there.

I consider it setting myself up for future success, rather than settling for a lesser outcome.
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Old 01-25-2013, 12:54 PM   #52
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A key thing I think about is maintenance...I might be able to get to a lower weight...but can I stay there forever? We all know the abysmal regain percentage for folks who lose weight...

I need to be eating at a level I can live with forever, and I'm almost positive that if I go down to some of the goals others my height have I will never be able to stay there.

I consider it setting myself up for future success, rather than settling for a lesser outcome.
And this too - since I've never maintained weight in my life purposefully, I have no idea how hard or easy it will be. That's why when my husband suggest 175, I was like, but why? He thought - well, because you see to get there easily enough. BUT... I've never stayed there for more than a minute!

That will be the ultimate decision - finding that sweet spot and I have absolutely NO IDEA where that will be. I also have no idea what I'll be willing to do for eating and exercise long term either. Right now I'm working out 6 days a week. I would like to be able to do 4 days and maintain fitness and weight, but...we'll see.
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Old 01-25-2013, 08:40 PM   #53
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I agree with ur husband. If 175 is super easy for you to maintain, and you feel good about yourself then thats your magic weight.
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Old 01-25-2013, 09:25 PM   #54
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Maybe don't worry too much about the number and keep working out and your body will continue to change to fit better into clothes, continue to grow stronger and better able to take you into the future years.

This might already have been posted on an earlier page, but this was an enlightening blog post a while back that illustrates that there is a lot of difference in what the weight is and how it looks.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu...g_id=39264 73
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Old 01-25-2013, 09:43 PM   #55
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Maybe don't worry too much about the number and keep working out and your body will continue to change to fit better into clothes, continue to grow stronger and better able to take you into the future years.

This might already have been posted on an earlier page, but this was an enlightening blog post a while back that illustrates that there is a lot of difference in what the weight is and how it looks.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu...g_id=39264 73
Thanks for the link to the blog. I don't have any pictures to prove it, but I'm sure I'm smaller at this 189 than I was a bit over a year ago when I was at this weight and I was exercising and working out then - I've just had more time to get STRONGER since then (and I am stronger).

And I'm not so stuck on a number of the scale - my 'real' dream goal is to get to 25% body fat because that's considered "fit". I want to be fit by technical definition too!
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Old 01-25-2013, 10:10 PM   #56
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I mistakenly put my weight in in kilograms instead of pounds and the calculator had no issue telling me that 144 kilos was my true weight. Apparently it's perfectly fine for a woman's true weight to be nearly 320 pounds at 5'10".
Can I "like" this comment? It definitely made my day! lol
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Old 01-26-2013, 11:08 AM   #57
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I've had lots of similar conversations with myself about my goal. I'm 5'5" and been morbidly obese most of my adult life. I had no idea about a goal weight, but when I got down to about 175 (a bit less) I felt great! I was confident! I loved the clothes I could wear! I ended up maintaining that weight for a couple of years and didn't feel it was too hard. For me, that was a great balance!

My main goal was also for health and fitness and I really did like what I was able to do (and all my stats!) at that weight. Perfect BP, cholesterol... everything

Sadly, I let my control slip away and have gained back a lot of the weight and am struggling right now to get back on plan consistently... but that's another story.
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Old 01-26-2013, 12:12 PM   #58
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I have to say, thank you Joss and LockitUp for saying much more eloquently what I was trying to.
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