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Does it ever go away?????

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Old 01-18-2013, 11:02 AM   #1
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Smile Does it ever go away?????

I am still trudging along on my journey. I've technically reached my first major goal- I've gove from a 22W-24W to a regular 10-12. I've lost over 110 -130 pounds ( I didn't measure my start and weighed in at 284 after 3 months of dieting...I'm sure I started near 300 pounds).

I don't know what my goal is now. I still would like to slim down more and don't know where the finish line is. I hit a major birthday in a few months and may just quit wherever I am at that time and head to maintenance.

My vent/question is...Does it ever go away? The constant mental awareness of your weight? When I was 280+, I didn't care what i weighed and it was NEVER on my mind. During the middle of my journey, I was/am focused on watching my food choices and exercise. Now that I'm very near goal, it seems I am almost scared of regaining.

Example, I bought a size 10 pair of slacks. When I wear them, I am constantly wondering if they are tighter then they were the last time? Then I start asking am I gaining weight? Literally, in the middle of the day I am wondering if my clothes fit tighter than they did this morning. Or maybe my hands might look bigger today.

One of the things I found during my journey were all the veins in my hand. Now, I start worrying if I don't see as many in the afternoon as I did in the morning. My next thought is that I'm gaining weight.

I realize that I keep worrying that I will gain it all back and I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK!!!! I don't want to worry about fitting in the airline seat or breaking a chair.

I can shop at regular shoe stores now and actually find a shoe that can fit my foot. I don't want to go back to Payless or specialty order stores only because my foot is so wide. There's a little person in the back of my mind constantly worrying about regaining.

Does this ever go away? Anyone else struggle with it?

Maybe I'm just emotional...headed out for a 5 mile run in a little bit with a nice warm bowl of Tomato soup to follow. Maybe that will make me feel better.
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:06 AM   #2
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I'm definitely not close to goal yet, having lost less than 7 pounds so far. But thinking about this, I would have to say that I will probably be the same way.

On another note, congrats on your amazing weight loss!!!!
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:19 AM   #3
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I'm kind of a similar place, not quite at goal, but comfortable. I have a very strong feeling that those feelings don't go away. Perhaps they get a little less strong. Some days the thought of that gets be down, some days I'm ok with it. I'd much rather worry about it than be obese like I was. I understand though, it get's exhausting!!!

Hope you do feel better after your run and soup! That sounds lovely!
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:41 AM   #4
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I'm only one month in and I am obsessec with calories and weighing myself...I know I will be a worry-wart for life.
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:56 AM   #5
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I still have some more weight to lose before goal weight but I know what you mean that at your heaviest you didn't think about your size but from my experience it's because if I thought about it and my good choices I would be depressed and extremely unhappy. I go through periods of being hyper aware of calories and my clothes but as this way of life becomes more normal I'm finding myself no longer comparing the before and the now.

Creating a new normal and making it who you are now will allow you to get back to more comfortable and less hyper aware state.

Weight will always be an issue though and I won't ever be able to go back to old ways but it gets better. Creating your new life, smaller and healthier at some point isn't your "new" life anymore it's just your life.

Good luck and use this worry to be vigilant and motivate you to maintain and continue your journey! You can do it!
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Old 01-18-2013, 01:00 PM   #6
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You might want to post on the maintenance forum...There are a lot of people who have maintained for a long time and they could offer some insights/ideas.
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Old 01-18-2013, 01:17 PM   #7
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I bet that run will make you feel better!

Probably. Although I think it's easier to ignore your weight when you weigh more because it takes a lot more pounds up or down to feel it. When you're a smaller size like you are - just 5lbs makes a big difference in how your clothes fit.

I went on a maintenance pause and during that time I didn't think about my weight a whole lot. A lot of the habits I learned in weight loss had become more permanent and required less thought, but not all of them! I got lazy and didn't work out as often and started making too many exceptions on my eating and gained about 15lbs in 6 months. I hit my "alarm button" weight and then 3lbs more. Having an alarm button weight might help (I am setting mine 5lbs off this time and not 10!). I think maintenance isn't about stopping the focus on weight, but more about making smaller corrections. Instead of constantly trying to lose 20lbs or 40, you're making 3-5lb corrections - kind of like driving where you don't just hold the wheel steady, you're making minor corrections the whole time.

I know what you mean about not wanting to go back to that higher weight. Sometimes I think that's part of what let me gain 15lbs, though. They were mostly vanity lbs. I could still live the life I wanted and not have those awful things that come with being at a much higher weight, so it was easier to rationalize away my weight gain. The brakes came back on when I needed a size 14 petite - and they got tight. Next stop - plus section! No way!! So, once I thought that (and the things that come with it) might be coming back, I immediately got back on track. Then, the fear was a good thing. Once you've experienced losing weight for health and mobility, it's harder to stay motivated to lose for vanity.

But yeah, I think you do have to pay attention to it - maybe not quite as much - but it's part of taking care of yourself to make daily healthy choices.
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Old 01-18-2013, 01:20 PM   #8
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I too have become obsessed with what I do, what I eat, how I look, and how I cant wait to look, ( still a newbie and not much lost as of yet) but I'm hoping the obsession that I have will keep me motivated and help me not to stray. Keep up the good work and wtg on your success.
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Old 01-18-2013, 01:44 PM   #9
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Might be good to always be conscience of your weight or how clothes fit, so u don't gain. I am hoping eventually the way I eat now will just be a way of life, just like not exercising and eating unhealthy was before. I didn't think twice about going to bed without riding my bike before. So hopefully one day it will just come naturally and u won't even think about it. I can't tell u not to worry cause I don't know what the future will bring, but one thing that is pretty certain is if u keep up with your routine u won't be over weight.
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Old 01-18-2013, 01:57 PM   #10
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This is going to sound like I'm being a smarty pants (probably am), but I wish I'd had the nagging worries the last time I lost weight. Maybe I wouldn't now be trying to lose the 100 pounds I gained back plus the 80 more I gained on top of it.

I loved the idea of a danger weight and perusing the maintenance site. In the meantime, good luck with continuing -- you've done a great job and I'm really encouraged by your getting into size 10 slacks! WOW!!!!!
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Old 01-18-2013, 02:16 PM   #11
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10 years later, I can say no, it doesn't go away. It keeps you in check. It's like being an alcoholic, you can't just walk into a bar casually anymore. You live with it, because the alternative (not thinking about it) often leads you back to gaining. You can exist with it peacefully though.
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Old 01-18-2013, 02:30 PM   #12
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It's that line between normal and disordered ways of looking and thinking about food.

If you look at the veins in your hands in the morning and worry if midday they seem to be disappearing and you worry you are getting fat somehow during the day, that is disordered thinking.

I think it's hard NOT to get a bit disordered about weight loss when it is the primary focus for such a long time. When we think about all the ways to keep it in check, to make it a little bit better every. single. day. for months and months and even years.

So, when you get such thoughts, send second thoughts of, "I cannot get fat overnight."

But yes, you will forever be thinking about weight. Of this I have no doubt.
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Old 01-18-2013, 03:08 PM   #13
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I have maintained for well over a year without obsessing nor counting calories due to intermittent fasting.

I think the key to not obsessing is finding an eating plan that is not too restrictive but still keeps calories in check.

For many people this means low carb eating. For me, I love carbs and so I intermittent fast.
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Old 01-18-2013, 03:18 PM   #14
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While I think it's very personal and no single right answer, I think a lot of maintainers say that the "constant mental awareness of your weight" is what keeps them maintaining, and when they let go of it, that's when they gain. So yes, they track every day, and they work hard to make the right choices every day. That doesn't mean it's the exact same as when you lose, and there is room for a little bit of flexibility here and there, but not all the time.

But I have to admit this is theoretical for me, because I have yet to hit something I would consider a goal weight and then maintain it. So I'm actually working in developing more of that constant awareness and not letting go of it so I don't re-gain what I'm working so hard to lose AGAIN.
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Old 01-18-2013, 03:46 PM   #15
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For me at least, it's flexibility within reason.

I accept that I am not the kind of person who will ever be able to "eat whatever I want" because what I want is usually too much (whereas naturally slim people want what is suitable for their size). So, flexibility, while being mindful that I do internally have the poor habit of overeating, keeps me in line.
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